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Sydney,
You came to me and left me in the same week. Every night I think of you and sometimes I will hear you cry in my dream and wake up to feed you, but I always realize when I go to make your bottle you are not here. I know your new family is taking care of you and protecting you, but I still miss you dearly.
If there is only one thing I could ever tell you it is that I made my decision with nothing but you on my mind. I wanted you to be taken care of the right way. I wanted you to have a mom and a dad. I wanted you to have every thing that you will ever need. I also want you to know that the desicion was so hard.
When I signed my relinquishment papers, I felt like I was losing a piece of me. I felt like something inside me was being ripped out. I wanted to tell them to go home and that I was going to raise you, but I had to put you first.
Please understand the decsion was made out of love.
Londa
Firstmom to Sydney Lynn
Born 12-18-02
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londar--boy did your feelings sound familiar. As a bmom I know them all to well. You did a great job writing your true emotions. It was beautiful. She will one day know how much you loved her. I would save your writing for her. Just keep holding onto faith. I know you will celebrate the day you get to hold her again though she will be larger, she will always be your baby. It seems even being a bmom of 19 years, my bdaughter's tiny little face and hands are imprinted on my brain. She was truly beautiful, and after seeing her pictures recently she is still beautiful. You will be in my prayers! :D spete
What you wrote is beautiful. I am a foster mother hoping to adopt my fchild. I just wanted you to know that as a foster mom, I would always say to my fchild that his firstmom loved him and did what was best for him! I want you to know how much I love him, with all my heart. I would hope every adoptive parent would speak lovingly of their achild birthparents. You are always going to be a part of each other.
It was a VERY hard thing you had to do and I hope the Lord will give you peace knowing that your baby is being loved.
I know there will not be a day that goes by you won't think about her, I pray someday you will meet her again.
In my situation, I would love for bmom to stay in our life, but her heart is so broken she doesn't even show up for visits. It's so sad.
I wish you all the best and may you seek comfort in God during this time. No one else will be able to fill your baby shaped void but him.
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Londar~
My heart goes out to you. I completely understand what it feels like to do what is best for your child, even though it destroys your heart. I am a birth mother too. But I know in my heart, that i did what is best for my birth son, and that thought is what got me through the tough times.
I know, this is a hard time for you right now, but sweetie, please remember, that although you may feel so alone and helpless, YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are others (and a good many on this forum) that have walked the same path you have.
I am here if you ever need to talk, please feel free to pm me or email me.
God bless,
Coley
Your words touched me very deeply. I wanted to share this poem I found with you. I found it when my daugher was only six months old. It is written by Audrie LaVigne. My daughter is only 2 now, but I still think about her birthmother almost every day. We will be having our first meeting in a few weeks, since she placed. I am looking forward to seeing her again.
To Our Baby Girl
We both love you, and
we both have hopes and dreams for your future.
She carried you in her body for nine months;
I carried you in my dreams for five years.
She labored through birth;
I labored through IN, social workers and foreign law
She is nature;
I am nuture.
She wonders are you healthy;
I sit and rock you wondering when your fever will go down.
She wonders if you have enough to eat;
I wonder if I should make you eat your broccoli.
She wonders are you happy,
I love to hear you laugh.
She wonders if you are loved;
My heart melts wtih every smile and breaks with every tear I soothe.
She wonders what you look like;
I proudly display your pictures all over the house.
She hopes you get a good education;
I sit and help you with your homework every night.
She wonders what you will grow up to be like;
I teach you to be strong, independent, and believe in yourself.
She wonders if you will marry and have children;
I help you plan your wedding day and cry when I hold my grandchild for the first time.
She gave you life;
I am grateful to her every day that you are a part of my life.
She will always wonder about you;
I will always be thankful to her for bringing you into this world.
She will always be your biological mother;
I will always be your mommy.
.........written by Audrie LaVigne......
That has to be the best poem that can explain everything. I gave my son up in November of 2003, and every day my heart aches for him and wondering if he is ok.
Luke, mommy loves you and I hope you always know that. I hope that you aparents live up to their end of the bargain and tell you everyday how much I love you and how I wanted you to have everything you needed, and I just couldn't give that to you and that is why I did the selfless act and gave you to a family that is not able to have their own babies. You are my world and 1/3 of my heart. I hope that when you are old enough that you will want to meet your biological family. We will wait and hope that meeting someday is what you want.
Amanda-birthmother to Luke Christopher born 11/07/03 at 8:27am 9 lbs 8 oz.