Grandparents adopting grandchild

I would have to think like all adoptive parents once the adoption is done you would become mom and dad.. Your daughter would become his birthmom/sister. I would make the point that with this adoption you take on the roll of parents and are NOT BABYSITTING. He will be your son. Be sure he feels secure in that and your daughter and ex-son-in-law know that this is the way things will be and respect you, your husband, and the child they intrusted you to raise through adoption. Note: You said your daughter is pregant again? Is she going to raise this baby? If not are you going to adopt it or is she looking to place it with an adoptive couple? If the later is the case you might wish to be included in (if she will) in reviewing the adoptive parent profiles -so that one day maybe your son could have contact with his half sibling. I have done a lot of reading on the forums, books, webpages, talking with SW, agencies, birthparents, and adoptive parents. Your situation is becoming more and more common save for the second pregancy and half sibling issues. Just some thoughts for you to consider. Wishing you and yours the very best, DonnaLynn- Prayerfully waiting to adopt.

thank you so much for your advice. The question you asked puts another twist in this situation. They are keeping this child and plan on raising it.

I brought my grandchild home from the hospital to keep him until the parents could take over. Well 18 months later I adopted him. If I didn't I guess they would have allowed someone else to. He is 8 now. He calls me Mom because I figured he needed a mom more than a grandma. He knows I am both his grandma and mom and wants it that way. His grandpa is grandpa. I would be happy to discuss things with you. By the way how old are you. I will be 60 shortly. By the way he has been nothing but a joy in my life. Never have I been sorry for my decision!

I took legal custody of my grandson from his mother and father at 18 months. When they did not get their acts together, I finalized the adoption at 3 years old. He calls me "Mimi" and he calls his parents "Mom" and "Dad". We have an open adoption -- he sees his father about once a month (supervised visit in our home) and his mother has been living with us for a year now. She has finally gotten herself back on track, but she understands that the loss of her son is permanent -- I make the decisions and have the final say. She respects that and she sort of co-parents, doing things for him and with him that I cannot do (I am 56).It works for us. This way, I didn't lose a daughter, and I didn't have to lie to my grandson. (Someday he will see a copy of the revised birth certificate and we will have to explain Mom's "wild child" days, but maybe he will be old enough to understand.)

I agree with DonnaLynn

I can only tell you a bit of my family's own experience... You want to know what one of my "Extended" family did that hurt my uncle more than anything else he has ever experinced? At my Grandfathers Funeral, someone had the audacity to ask him "what are you going to do now that your Grandfather is dead?" That was the whole world of Pain that NO ONE should ever feel.My Grandfather was his Father, My Aunt did try & "come back" for him when he was 2 years old, but lost that fight, & never really looked back since(Though not for a lack of my Uncles, also adopted but, made to feel it, SO's trying) .Note he never ever called my Grandparents anything other than Mom & Dad, & my Mom & her other siblings make sure he knows that he is their Brother, not Nephew, or son. That is who he is. Though my aunts much younger(he's a year older than me, where my Uncle is only a few years younger than his next older Brother) son is also his brother.

When I was going through the adoption process, another of the adoptive parents had been raised by his grandma and his aunt was his birth mother. He was in his 30's or 40's. I asked him who he felt was his mother to which he replied his grandmother. He said about age 13 he asked who was who. He was told and that was that. He said nothing changed but he was just curious. I am sure someday that my little boy will ask about his birth mother sometime. I just hope it is later than sooner because I also do not ever want to lie to him. She had a very bad lifestyle and lost at least 3 other children. My son who is the birth father sees him off and on but he also has a bad lifestyle and does not at this time know that he is the birth father. He refers to him as uncle and refers to Grandpa as dad although he still calls him grandpa. I have his adoption picture always on the wall and the actual picture of the judge on the day of the adoption sitting out. So far he is happy with the info he has. I have a niece in law who was not told that her "brother" was really her birth father until she was out of high school. She is in her 30's and is still not over it yet. I think that has cause her some significant problems and she wishes she had been told sooner.

Well my wifes nephew is raised by his grandmother but they didn't legally adopt because the parents are still in the situation, so I'm not sure how that would play out.

When my child was born, his mother had already had 2 kids removed by DCFS. DCFS was considering sending him home with his parents because the parents were actually doing quite well. However, after the mother went for her 6 week checkup and started taking anxiety etc. drugs she had been on before, she just went wacko and everything fell apart. I believe the drugs hurt her not helped her. I had kept him on a temporary basis only. The birth mother quit seeing him after 5 months on her own and she terminated her rights eventually the court started trying to terminate my sons rights. Then the option was for me to adopt or they would have put him up for adoption to others. I felt I had no real choice. To complicate things, he has a big head which is a family trait and an eye problem which also runs in the family. This would have translated to someone else as being slow, add and not being able to do well. I couldn't allow that to happen. I have become an advocate of him and he is really doing quite well. Also, I had mentioned being only a guardian for him and the judge said no He said there is no way that these kids were going to allow me to do what I am doing and then someday they would come and say okay we want him now. He said that is not going to happen. AT first I wasn't sure about that but now I am extremely happy he did that. Children deserve a secure and as happy of upbringing as possible. Now I would say the parents have to make a choice. Either be a responsible parent or not. I know adoption is expensive if not done through DCFS. But once they are adopted, unless there has been some funny business going on with the adoption it is final. Too many parents want their children as trophies and say look why I have instead of being responsible parents to these children.

Dear Nana_C,I don't know if you'll get this note as it's been over 15 years. You've certainly figured it all out by now! Or the grandchildren/child has for sure!! They know who you both are to him. That would have been my offering... kids are malleable and allow for many family forms and titles that make them feel comforted, special and safe. If you see this, DO TELL, share with all the others who may be wondering your same question NOW. For me, I do not think I'll ever have my own baby again, but I have been thinking of adopting a young adult on up... and I certainly could run into some of that. As well as throwing around the idea of offering foster care for young children in very deeply delayed states who need ongoing medical daily care plus nurturing. Then I may confuse my grandchildren with my having a small person that behaves like a baby if not the size of one that would be their "Aunt/Uncle (Foster if not adopted. But, I don't like certain titles that sound separating like "step-sister or half-sister"). But I know children will figure it out when they are good and ready for it to make "sense" to them.