Advertisements
YOU ALL KNOW SOME OF MY STORY. WELL, OTHER EVENTS HAVE HAPPENED IN OUR FAMILY. MY BABY WHICH IS 20 MONTHS NOW. SHE HAS BEEN ACTING OUT SEXUALLY WITH ME AND MY HUSBAND. SHE FIRST DONE IT TO MY HUSBAND. LET ME EXPLAIN: ( THIS IS WHAT I EXPERIENCED) I HAD WASHED MY HAIR. I HAD LET IT DOWN TO DRY. ME AND THE BABY WERE PLAYING AND SHE WAS STANDING IN MY LAP HUGGING ME AND PLAYING IN MY HAIR. ALL OF A SUDDEN MY CHILD PULLS UP HER SHIRT AND PUSHES MY HEAD DOWN TOWARDS HER PRIVATE AND STANDS THERE AS IF SHE WANTED ME TO DO SOMETHING. I PLAYED ALONG TO SEE WHAT SHE WOULD DO NEXT AND SHE GRABS ME BY MY HEAD AND WHISPERS STOP BABY- STOP BABY. I GRAB MY BABY AND HUGGED HER AND TOLD HER MOMMIE DOESN'T LIKE WHEN YOU DO THAT AND I DISTRACTED HER TO DO SOMETHING ELSE. WHEN SHE DONE THIS TO MY HUSBAND. HE WAS LAYING ON THE COUCH AND HE CALLED ME RIGHT AWAY. I ASKED HIM WHAT SHOULD WE DO AND WE CAME UP WITH IF SHE DOES IT AGAIN THEN WE HAVE TO REPORT IT. SHE DID IT TO ME AND I PHONED MY FOSTER CARE WORKER THE NEXT DAY. I WAS TOLD TO MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH THE DOCTOR RIGHT AWAY. I EXPLAINED TO THE DOCTOR THE SITUATION I WAS IN WITH THE VISITATION. I WAS QUESTIONED ABOUT MY HOUSEHOLD AND THE HOUSEHOLD OF THE FRIEND OF THE FAMILY. I WAS GIVEN A STATEMENT BY THE DOCTOR THAT SUPERVISED VISITS BE MADE. I WAS TOLD MY BABY WAS FINE. SHE WAS ACTING OUT SOMETHING SHE SAW. I TOLD THE DOCTOR THAT MY BABY HADN'T BEEN OVER TO THERE HOUSE IN TWO WEEKS. THE DOCTOR TOLD ME IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW LONG SHE HASN'T BEEN OVER THERE SHE'S ACTING OUT SOMETHING SHE'S SEEN. WELL, THE FOSTER CARE WORKER, CASEWORKER, AND CASEWORKER SUPERVISOR HAVE CANCELED THE VISIT UNTIL COURT. MY CHILD IS ACTING OUT SEXUALLY ON HER DOLL. I JUST NEVER EXPERIENCED ANYTHING LIKE THIS IN MY LIFE. I SORT OF FELL LIKE THE BAD PERSON BECAUSE I KNOW THIS IS GOING TO BE A KNOCK DOWN DRAG OUT FIGHT. I DIDN'T KNOW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN. IT'S REALLY SAD THAT MY BABY HAS SEEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS. SHE'S JUST A BABY. I WILL HAVE TO FIGHT THIS CASE WITH GODS HELP BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANYTHING LIKE THIS TO EVER HAPPEN AGAIN. SHE'S WAS GIVEN TO US FOR A REASON AND I 'M NOT GOING TO LET ANYONE I MEAN ANYONE OR THING TAKE HER AWAY FROM US. IT'S GODS WILL I KNOW. PLEASE SOMEONE LET ME KNOW I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING IN A SITUATION LIKE THIS?
Like
Share
Advertisements
Saj here. Ugh! You must be feeling pretty bad right now. But you sure do have that fire in your belly like a really truely mom. You are also addressing the behavior correctly. Calling your SW, taking her to the doctor...working with your husband, distracting her, etc. These are all good things. Remember this is learned behavior on her part and can be unlearned. She is lucky that she has you to help her through this. When you see her behave in a sexually inappropriate way, use it as a teachable moment. Don't tell her it is bad or that she is acting in a bad way.....don't ger upset or react in a negative way. Just tell her that we don't do that here. Show her the way moms and dads do touch babies, and how you expect her to touch you back. Same thing when you observe her acting out sexually with her doll. Take the doll away, rock the doll or pat it's little back. Show her the appropriate way to play with a doll. She will eventually get it. Hang in there.
Sincerely,
Saj
If they have a child abuse evaluation center in your area you should call and try and get her in. It will help a lot in court if they can support the "story" There may also be some one in your area therapist wise who works with children that young.
It does not just go away. Even that little it really does hurt the little kids and it may take years to stop the behaviors. (you have not unlearned having sex have you?)
I have been through this hell before myself. I did not have supportive SWs, but we were lucky enough to have older sibs and a good therapist who took up for the kids. (They may see you as some one making the story up to get to keep the child, or that it is happening in your home. ) you are always the suspect if you are the foster parent unless you have really good social services
I am the parent of 3 children who were sexually abused in birth homes and/or foster care. What ever toy she is acting out with, put it away for a while. Watch her and redirect her anytime you see her acting out. Hold her more to show her the acceptable way parents interact with children.
One reason therapy would be good for her is she would have that adult also saying to her, most people don't live that way, etc...
I had my baby basically raped on unsupervised visit after months of try to get DSS to do something about the kids sexuallized behaviors. If it was not for the good therapist the older kid had, they would have still probably been returned to bio-parents because one nut-ball therapist they had us using said sexual abuse was a regular part of a low class family and not something to TPR on.
When my baby then 2 1/2 returned from the visit I took her straight to the ER because she was bleeding and swollen, etc... they said their was no DNA except her own and said their was not anything they could do. They still had another visit until the therpist stepped in with the police. Then during the invesitagation, the birth parents confessed to all kids of things and were arested. They spent 30 days in jail for sexually abusing their kids for 6 years. But at least they were TPRd
Stick by your child.
Good Luck
I agree with Rindava - get whatever help you can for her and don't stop until you find a therapist you believe in.
Also, rather than just having the caseworker document, ask for an investigator. If you are with a private agency, have your cw contact the state agency. Many caseworkers have little to no experience with sexually abused children and may dismiss classic symptoms as "exploration." However, a 20-month old child does not come up with these behaviors on her own - she had to have witnessed it or had it done to her. An investigator has more training and experience with these types of occurrances and hopefully can more accurately document her behaviors.
God speed to all of you!
Advertisements