any adoptees please respond

Gosh, no, I never hated my birthmother. I have three (adopted) siblings as well and they never said they hated theirs. Don't torture yourself for probably the many years you have until you can reunite with your son thinking that he hates you. I think as a child you tend to see your adoption as a rejection, at least in a small way. How can we not? Even though we are told our birthmothers wanted what was best for us, and we know it's true, we can't really fathom how they could give us away. Babies are only supposed to be lovable, and draw people in -- not provoke them to send them away! But that's a child's brain at work. Rest assured your son does think of you from time to time, even at this stage of his life, and will probably want to contact you in the future. Be ready to give him lots of answers and lots of love, but don't expect that he has hated you all these years.

I actually never hated my birth mother I am an 18 year old female when I was younger I use to pretend i was running away from home and going to go find my real mom. You think bad things but you usually think better things like maybe she's a movie star. Or when I find her we are going to have the best time together. I use to go though episodes like why didn't she want me and it affected my realtionships with people because I always thought people were going to leave me so I pushed away even the one's that probably wouldn't of. Know that I am older I can realize the strugles women go through that would make them unable to take care of a child I wish you the best of luck in trying to find your son and don't be scared

Hi Charisa - I finally got to meet my bmom when I was 37 years old. The reason it took so long was because I was scared. I never hated her!! In fact, I don't think that ever crossed my mind. I was always told the reasons and I had and still have the uttmost respect for her. There will never be any animosity. Today, we have a wonderful relationship and continue to nuture our bond. My aparents were very up front with me and never once did they insinuate anything bad about my bmom. They explained that she loved me and had to make one of the toughest decisions of her life. Now some aparents won't do that. And I think alot of that has to do with them being scared of losing someone that they longed for. I am also an aparent and have been open and honest with my son who's now 14 years old. I have offered to put in the paperwork to meet his bmom, but he's scared. This is the most normal (I would think) for adoptees. Everyone is frightened of the unknown. I'm trying to re-assure him, but I can't and won't push him into anything until he's ready. Remember, it's an emotional rollercoaster for ALL parties. Curiosity is human nature and I hope that your son's curiosity will lead him back to you. Good luck and God Bless!! Duchie :cool:

Hi! I never felt any anger toward my bmom. In fact, I always felt a strong connection with her. Unfortunately she passed away before I could reunite with her.

Snuffie - I'm so sorry that you never got the opportunity to meet your bmom. Have you met any other parts of your family (aunts/uncles/ siblings/bfather)? Duchie:(

I am adopted and have been serching for my bmom for over 15 years. why? cause I want to say Thank you. I feel she made a choice, not just for herself but for me as well. She was adopted herself and knew it was a good option and I have never once faulted her for it. She may have had selfish reasons for doing what she did but in the long run I am better off for it and I am sure she is as well. She gave herself a second chance to live her dreams and have a real life and she gave me the same. I also learned from her misteake and I want her to know that I am doing well and am happy and I only hope the same for her. Don't dispare. You had your reasons for doing what you did. You may think they weree selfish at the time, but in the end I am confident that your son will someday want to thank you for giveing you both a new lease on life. Unicorn

I am an adoptee, 48 yr's old, still looking for my birthmom and family. I totally understand why she or any mother for that matter would have to make the choice to adopt. I could never hater her for wanting to give me a better life than what she thought she could give me at the time. As we grow so don't our minds and way of thinking. We do understand.

I found out six months ago that I was adopted 46 years ago and I can tell you that I do not hate my bmother. I recently had the opportunity to meet and talk with her and, to be completely honest, I'm not sure how I feel about her. I know I don't love her, heck I don't know her. All I can say for sure is only time will tell what kind of relationship we will have, I sincerely hope for a good one. I have been having good meetings with my seven bsibs. So far I have developed very strong bonds with two sisters, one older and one younger. I recently met my older brother, but I don't know how that will go. And I also met another younger sister. Like all relationships both people involved have to want to have a relationship. Then you have to start to get to know one another and if you like what you learn you will continue.

I could never have any feelings of hatred towards my mother. I'm sure she has her reasons for placing me up for adoption. Any reason she has is better than her aborting me. I was adopted out to a wonderful family. They raised me letting me know that my mother loved me very much and thats why she did what she did. She must of only wanted what was best for me. I look forward to the day I can meet her. Hopefully, she is looking for me also. Pam

My situation is different from alot of other adoptee's. I was not given up at birth. Me and my three brothers were left/abandoned and made wards of the state of Tennessee. I don't hate my birth parents...but I don't feel a connection with them either. I want to know what happened??? I am 48 years old and have written to the state of Tennessee to get my original bc and to find out what happened. I would like to meet and find my relatives. Then maybe I would feel a connection. But...I fear rejection too. My birth parents should be 68ish??? Deep down in my heart...sure I would love for my mother to reach out and give me a big ((((HUG))). I hope you find your son and he will welcome you with open arms. Jo

i love n hate her. i woud escae from hpme to see her, but i hate hate in my heart n toghther with love

I am a 39 year old adoptee who has just started her search for her birth family. I understand that people who have great situations and everything is perfect do not give children up for adoption. That means to me that my birth mom was in a pretty terrible situation and was probably unable to do what was needed for me. She had no choice. She was not supported or cared for and was unable, did not have the means by which to care for me or was told she could not. I do not have any negative feelings about my adoption. I KNOW she did what was best for me at the time. I also know, that she may have gotten past the circumstances she was in at the time that forced her to place me for adoption and has hopefully created a good life for herself. She might even have more children. I could not hate her. I have no reason to hate her.

Charisa , I realize this is a very old thread ,, but I wanted to respond to you.. I am 53 and was adopted as a baby... You shouldn't fear your birth childs feelings towards you. As I am a bit older I have had adoption touch or border on my life in many times through the years ,, I currently have friends that are childless and want to adopt but cannot due to a history of cancer , they would be wonderful parents ,, I know many women through my wifes work that are single parents and growing up in the 1970's I knew several girls in my HS that became pregnant,, abortion was legal and many did... If you think you have a loss now I can assure you that it is far worse when compounded with the knowledge that you ended your childs life , thankfully I was never thrust firsthand into that situation... The women/girls I knew that gave birth either had their parents pretend to be the childs mother or gave them up for adoption,, they all continued their lives with little disruption. I can tell you that in my instance I know my birth mother was sent off to a home for unwed mothers... No matter what the situation was for any of these women I know that it was a difficult decision and it was made for the good of the child... it was a decision made with love. I wish you all the best and would encourage you to get into a DNA registry as that is a foolproof way to connect for you and your child even if your child has no data to enable a search in other ways.

I have read a LOT of adoptions stories from all perspectives, and I'll tell you, very few people feel negatively towards their birth mothers. Even people who were abandoned, rather than placed.

I never felt any anger or animosity. She was 18 when she got pregnant so to me it always seemed logical I was put up for adoption. I also never felt any strong need to look for her. I had a family that loved me and didn't care I was adopted.