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Hi all -- I'm new to the forum, but I love this topic -- "over 35" parenting. I became an adoptive mother in my 30s as well, and I'm constantly surprised by my new role, even after 4 years!! At first I was surprised by the sheer physical nature of parenting ... nothing like an 18-pound baby in a carrier to tune you in to that! Over time, it's the sheer *depth* of the experience that continues to astonish me.
I'd love to hear from others who became first-time parents in their thirties ... what surprised you the most?
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I think for me, it was the fulfillment of it all... knowing we are a part of this amazing little person's life just takes my breath away. My life was great before, but being her MOm has heightened my senses and made me feel younger than I have in years. I really am surprised about how young I feel AND, even though I am a fairly new parent (DD is 20 months) many of the young moms with kids older than mine ask for advice. Isn't that funny??? I find it funny...
I'm surprised at how many moms are older, but how many ask me if dd's my granddaughter. even the older folks ask-duh. Of course, we are both 44, but don't look a year past 42 :D .
I'm surprised at the things I'm willing to do. I'm a pretty picky person. I won't swim in a pool of kids who aren't diaper trained, I found dd's food encounters quite nauseating at first (sensitive tummy :p ). Fast forward 16 months and I'm wiping the boogers off her face with my hand, I can watch her eat without being totally grossed out, and I even bathe with her :eek: . Surprising how things turn out. Dh just laughs at his wife's changes.
I'm also surprised at how natural it all feels. After living for 43 years without kids or friends with kids, having her around feels perfectly normal, like it's always been this way. Glad I waited :) .
My dear hubby just turned 40 this past January. I am A LOT younger than he is - I turned 38 this past July.I am surprised sometimes at the amount of energy that I have. But.....when I think about how little I sleep (because I can't seem to get ANYTHING done during the day, so I wait until both boys and hubby are in bed and then I do my "daily chores") I just remind myself that when I was single, younger, and going out that I used to pull these same hours. Parenting these little boys are MUCH more rewarding than "going out" all of the time. GreenThumb - I tried to pm you - but your message box is full. PM me when you read this. Thanks. Christina
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I went to a birthday party yesterday for a 3 year adopted from Guatemala and she has a little sister. My husband always felt 'old'..he just turned 47..he was happy that he was right in the age range of most folks there.. We first adopted I was 27 years old..had to have alot of stamina to have to live in Peru with a colicky baby who never slept for six months..don't think I could have done that now..we tried IVF, foster to adopt, domestic adoption, built a house..then finally pursued international again..finally stopped the IVF and domestic at 37 (did IVF for 5 years before that)..daughter born when I was 39..a 17 month long process from start to home in Guatemala..so..we now have a 14 year old and a 2 year old..probably the 2 'worst' ages..they both are special needs..but we didn't know that going into it..anyways..
She didn't sleep the first six months home, for more than 15 min at a time..we coslept..she is 2.5 and doesn't go to sleep till MN or 1am, up 3x..the up by 7:30 am with no nap (she was given 3 flu shots in a 8 week period..2 by mistake..all had mercury in it and she had brain damage)..part of the whole ASD thing..anyways..
even at 40, 41 I am amazed at how little sleep I can live on..maybe working 12 hour night shifts for so long and getting 2 hours sleep a day..who knows..
If we had a child sleeping from 8 p to 8am and taking a nap..really it isn't hard..but when they are up so much and you get no break at all during the day its hard..
I worked full time with our extremely active son and am off work with our daughter..there is no way I could have worked full time with her being up 8x a night..I am going back PT in Feb, just 12 hours a week..I have always had alot of patience and my parenting style hasn't changed that much between 27 and 41..I tried to nurse him..tried to nurse her..carried them both in slings..cobathed..only thing is with him we didn't cosleep..hubby wouldn't hear of it..he didn't care that I was the one going up and down the steps every 2 hours all night! Anyways..there are ton's of parents over 35..at this party we were at I think we were among the youngest there, or at least I was..alot of folks adopt in their 40's and beyond..
Our first adoption happened at age 33 and 34 (dh). We already had a bio son who was almost 11 years old. We adopted again at 39 and 40 (dh). I can definitely tell the difference with this last one. She is more demanding, a screamer, and never stops moving. We now parent an 18 year old, 7 year old, and just turned 2 year old. My dh works out of town all week so it is just me with the the two youngest. The oldest is in the Marine Corps now. I don't know if I'm coming or going some days... Especially this past week or two when we all were sick. Would I trade them for all the gold in the world...NOPE!!! When I can sit in the recliner in the evening watching tv with the youngest nuggled under a blanket with me...it makes it all worth the effort. Nope I don't have the energy I had with the oldest one...but I'm not 22 anymore either! :D
My son was 6 years old when we adopted our beautiful baby girl. I had just turned 38 & dh 39. What a big difference between being 32 & 33. LOL! Pros of being an older mom: I have way more patience with my daughter than I did with my son years before. I am a seasoned mom- having a second is a breeze ;) compared to being a first time mommy. I am able to enjoy her so much more since I am not so neurotic about her every move. LOL! My husband & I are more financially stable. We also own a home now. Did I mention patience? :) Oh and I have my son who helps me out a great deal. He will fetch a diaper for me, or pick her up when she is heading in the wrong direction etc etc. CONS: Where did all my energy go? YAWN! Poor hubby...baby goes to sleep by 6:30/7pm, son goes to sleep by 8:00pm and I am OUT like a light by 8:30 or 9pm. YAWN! My poor knees and lower back! Hey- I wouldn't want it any other way! I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!! :D
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I was 39 & my husband was 43 when we adopted our 2nd daughter (she was 3 weeks). I can't tell you how many people have assumed I was her grandmother!!! You should see the look on their faces when I tell them I'm her mother! Plus my baby is biracial!! I just love seeing the confused looks!! :confused:
:D
My back hurts, my ARMS hurt because she wants to be held all the time...I have less energy!!
I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world though!!
I was 34 whe I became a mommy...the biggest difference I see is that I appreciate my kids and enjoy the good and the bad. i say this because I have watched my brother ans sister-in-law...became parents at 16 and 19...who have really struggled with parenting. They have been counting down the years until the "kids are gone". I remember my parents did that too. They started having kids when they were both 21. I had all my fun...now it is time to have THEIR fun...and I anjoy every laugh, smile, first tooth and runny nose!
I think we can take credit for our little one being a bit more advanced, I think having "seasoned" mommy experience has helped get our little one (that had a very rough start) off on the right foot.
And I might add I dont think she minds that I have moved from the backback (uugghh) to a jogging stroller.
Another thing is I realize how much work went into the "all natural" lifestyle with my first kids and now my 18yr old is living on donuts and to my horror is surviving... I wont be quite so hard to live with this time around.
I became a first time mom at 34. I became a second time mom at 34. 11 months apart!I am thankful that I had children later in life. I am much more mature and settled in my life to be able to care for them, but that is just for "me". I would not have been a good mother in my 20's. I was too confused and too into myself to be able to be there for my kids. Plus, I married young (22) and it didn't work out. We grew up together and grew apart and thankfully we did not have any children. I remarried at 32 to a stable, wonderful man and found that I actually wanted children with this man. We started talking and bam, got preggo. 6 weeks after I gave birth to my first son through c-section, bam, one time and I was preggo again. LOL! Things are meant to be.
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I had my first child at the ripe old age of 19. She was my doll-baby and I grew up with her. My second child was adopted when I was 42 and the third when I was 44. I love re-discovering the world through their eyes and cherish every moment of their childhood. Even though I do get tired. :) I feel great and am very active. There is nothing like walking 4 miles with a 17 lbs baby strapped to my back while chasing a 4-year old on his scooter, to keep me in shape. I also feel that I have much more patience than in my younger years. I know who I am, what I want and can now relax into my role as Mommy. :) Older Mommy and loving it!!
Bug&Bearsmommy
I have watched my brother ans sister-in-law...became parents at 16 and 19...who have really struggled with parenting. They have been counting down the years until the "kids are gone". I remember my parents did that too. They started having kids when they were both 21. I had all my fun...now it is time to have THEIR fun...and I anjoy every laugh, smile, first tooth and runny nose!