Helping Your Adopted Child Understand Adoption

Sure, there's no difference to YOU, the adoptive parent, between your adopted and biological children. That doesn't mean your adopted children feel the same way.

1. What are appropriate ways to tell my child s/he is adopted?

Have his siblings tell him

Bring it up at family dinner and make a major event of it

Talk about adoption as you do about birth. Honestly, regularly, comfortably.

Wait until s/he is old enough to understand the difference between biological and adoptive families

2. How should I handle questions about adoption from my child?

Buy a lot of adoption books and look up the answers to the questions asked

Stop what I'm doing and take time to answer honestly and appropriately for his/her age

Distract my child with candy and toys so we don't have to talk about it

Tell him/her we will talk about it when the time is right, then make sure to put it on my calendar

3. How do I educate my child's friends about adoption?

I don't. It's not my job to teach someone else's children.

Every time they're playing together I remind them that my child is adopted and that's ok.

I answer questions if they ask them, but otherwise do not make an issue of it.

I make sure their parents know my child is adopted and ask them to have their children be sensitive.

4. True or False: I should expose my children to media about adoption

True - and then be sure to talk about it with them

False - it will only confuse them

5. True or False: My adopted child's questions will change through the years even if I am completely open from the beginning

True

False

6. How do I explain to my child that his/her birth parent cares, even though we're in a closed adoption?

Share real experiences and feelings from other birth parents

Share the reasons you know regarding placement so your child can understand the reason for placing

Tell your child from day 1 how much his/her birth parents care

All of the above

7. What do I do if my child wants to contact his/her birth parents

Do all I can to facilitate reunion

Assess my child's emotional state and what I know about birth parents, then help if appropriate

Redirect my child's thinking so s/he doesn't get hurt

Secretly contact the birth parents on my own

8. True or False: We should celebrate the child's adoption day as well as his/her birthday

True - it is cause for celebration!

False - it will only confuse my child