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I wish I had started a journel when i reunited with my birthdaughter. I also wish I had kept a journel when i was placing my daughter for adoption. I do remember finding an old date book with names of the girls I roomed with at the Florence Crittenton Home, In knoxville, TN. I believe my mom tossed it away after she knew I found it.
Yeah, lets start on mom. She was the lady who wouldnt let me bring my baby home. "Your making a mature decision, youre doing the right thing". She didnt tell me I would suffer for 14 yrs. Cry at night wondering if my daughter was okay. My biggest fear would be that I would find she had been abused or had a rough life.
But she didnt! She has two wonderfull parents. I would tell myself that they were good parents and loved and cared for her. It was a comfort for all those years. but in the back of my mind i still worried. It was a relief to know they are great people and my Daughter is happy. back to mom... I dont talk to her much now. she is what I call a toxic person. one that makes me feel sick or damaged. most people think she is a wonderful person, but they arent the ones that have felt her stabs.
I was a middle child. maybe thats my problem..lol.. but i was the only girl. my older brother did no wrong in moms eyes but he was evil. she wore blinders when it came to him. i have a younger brother. whom I love dearly. he was my babydoll when I was 10. I felt I had abandoned him when I moved away from home at age 18. WE are just now becoming close again after years of not seeing each other. He was in college and had a busy life. I love him very much~
My other family members are not close to me, I guess I was too much of a headcase to deal with. I was a wild child to them,. Man I look mild compared to kids today.
I have two daughters from my husband. My oldest was 12 and youngest was 5 when they got to meet their oldest half sister in 1999. Now i dont like calling her a half. she is whole... maybe not my husbands child but she is a whole sister to these girls.
The birthfather is not in the picture. he denied being the father etc.. ran off to another state etc.. he is a jerk. does now live in same area as i now.. I see him every now and then but I dont talk to him.. i usually go the other direction if I see him.
im glad BDaughter dont have any need to find or meet him. I did give her his name incase she does. I thnk she would be disappointed if she met him. He is an alcoholic.
Ah my view on the agency that did the adoption... A bunch of BS.
They got half their story straight but left out info I needed. Like i had other choices, i asked for 1 yr of pics when the Aparents never knew of. I got pics for 3 months but they were from the foster parents which I never knew of.. I thought she was directly placed. I found i had 3 months to change my mind. I guess mom told them not to tell me.. so I would think she was already in her new home.. i told mom I regreted what I did. and she said you cant take her away from her new parents. If Id known she was in foster care you bet your ass i would have requested her back. i thought she was with her new parents and didnt want to hurt them. But you know , its best that she was raised by them, she didnt need to be around my mom. she had a better life then what she would have had being raised by my mom.
nope Ive still not forgiven my mother., theres lots more pain then just the adoption issue.
I think I'll clean house now.. write more later.