I hardest thing I ever have had to tell my husband

Last night was a very hard night. I have been a bit emotionally lately. especially in the last week. One would think it was because Diane is here and she and my mom met. That is some of it but I think it has been compounded by the news I had to tell my husband. Last week I was called into my daughter's church after youth group. I thought we were going to dicuss her upcoming baptism. Instead her youth pastor and wife told me that Tarryn needed to talk to me and they were there for support. That is when Tarryn told me that months ago, the boy she had been dating had date raped her. Everything else fell into place. Her grades, her depression, her sleep habits. It only happened once, early in their relationship. That is how I know he knew what had happened was wrong. He never tried it again. I had a lot of misconceptions of date rape and went to a website that explained, if she said no, it was no. Yes, she had herself in a bad situation. He told us his mother was home. She was not. They had another kid with them, he left. I thought she got in over her head. When I read up on date rape, when people manipulate you, manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do, when you have said no. It is rape. I took her to the doctor because I wanted to get counseling for her and with insurance we have to go through referal. Well, by law it must be reported to CPS. I tried to explain that this happened months ago, this kid is out of our lives and all I want is for my daughter to get the help she needs. Doesn't matter, she's a minor, and it's a crime. I did not want to tell Frank, why? Because he has a terrible temper. I KNEW and I mean I KNEW he would kill him. So I was carrying around this huge secret. I wanted to help my daughter, having her father explode and be insane would not help her. Well, if we are going to have CPS knocking on our door, I figured I had better tell him. Well, Frank is more and more like my dad every day. Explodes over the little things and is a rock with the big stuff. We will make it through. This has changed my view on what I previously thought about date rape. Not that I didn't think it ever happened. I knew it, but I think a lot of people from my generation or older think that in some way you were responsible. You didn't fight it off, you put yourself in a bad situation, what have you. As I explained to Tarryn, she did place herself in a bad situation, that didn't mean she was responsible for his bad behaviour and his abuse of her trust. I then expalined to her, yes, she put herself at risk by not leaving when she realized that his parents weren't there, that didn't mean she was responsible. That is why we try to avoid bad situations. Bad things are more likely to happen. Like walking alone at night. It isn't a wise decission because bad things can happen, but that doesn't make it your fault. If you were driving in a bad part of town, say you got lost and someone jumped out and stole your car and robbed you, that wasn't your fault. Wasn't the wisest thing, by being in the bad place it makes you more suspectible for bad things to happen, but it isn't your fault. So here we go. The doctor just called and said they have reported to CPS. I should be getting a call. They reassure us that they just want to make sure she gets help and counseling. Tarryn is very fragile. WIth the death of her uncle, she is brought back to the death of her father. I wish I could protect them from all the pain in the world; all the bad. I see myself so much in Tarryn and want to know how to help. I don't want her to drown like I did. I want her to avoid all of this, to know the lessons of life without having to learn them for herself. She is my baby. So how does all of this relate to my story of finding my birthmother? Diane got pregnant the first time she had sex. She was 15 and he was 19 or 20. She says that she wasn't raped, but got herself in a bad situation and couldn't handle it. With everything Tarryn is going through, I think Diane was date raped, too. She was still a child, he was an adult. Pressure and making someone feel like, If you loved me, prove yourself, blah, blah blah...like I said since reading up on this, I can't help but think this is what happened. I may be wrong, but I believe in all my heart she was put in a situation and was in over her head. This is date rape. And YOU end up feeling like it was your fault somehow. You should have fought, left, whatever. And since it wasn't done with the violence and anger that rape is committed, you feel like you have to take some responsiblity, some way. This isn't what you grew up thinking rape was. That is someone held at knife or gun point. But it is. I hate what happened to my daughter and I hate what happened to Diane. There is a lot that Diane and Tarryn have in common. Tarryn will never let you see her cry. She was 15 when this happened. Tarryn has one of the biggest hearts you will ever see. And somewhere inside something is missing that she felt this was her fault and she stayed with the idiot, fearful that no one would want to love her. I don't know if that is how Diane felt, but there are a lot of similarities. You will never meet a better child than Tarryn. You will never meet a better person than Diane. Carolyn