Questions, Thoughts, Rambling...

This morning when I got up I was thinking of my emotions last night and writing the poem I did that I put up in the adoption poetry section here. Anyway, I thought to myself why does this cost of both my girls happiness seem so high at times? I mean why does it have to be that for both my girls to be happy and have everything they deserve, need and more in their lives that I have to suffer the loss of them in my life in return? In other words why is it that I have to sacrifice some of my happiness for my girls to have all the happiness in the world? I just wish sometimes there was a way that both my girls could be as happy without me experiencing this grief and emotions that I do. I don't know, does that sound selfish? Am I making any sense here? I just am trying to say that I was thinking about how I traded in my happiness to give my daughters all the happiness in the world to an extent if that makes sense, but I'm not trying to be egotistical or anything. I'm just trying to make sense of my thoughts, ya know. I don't know how to say what I'm thinking and feeling here or if I expressed myself well enough here or not. Just some more thoughts of mine with my emotions running high at this time of year with my first daughter's 3rd birthday approaching soon.