Diary of a Birth Mom Part I- Two Pink Lines and a Shotgun Wedding

Two years and two months ago, my life changed forever. I went from an angsty 17-year-old girl to an adult with big responsibilities in about five seconds. I had big decisions to make that would change the lives of many. This day was the beginning of a journey that led me through deep, intense pain and grief- as well as through periods of tremendous growth and happiness. I am a birth mom and this is my story. January 2015 was full of promise. I had just graduated high school a semester early and moved out of my parents home to a small town about 500 miles away. I was living all by myself, in my very own apartment, making money and preparing for college the next semester. I had never felt so free and independent. Independence meant responsibility, but I hadn't learned that yet. I felt invincible, immune to consequences because my parents weren't around to enforce them. I was also scared and lonely out on my own for the very first time. So I fell into the arms of the boy next door. We had grown up in the same neighborhood, but I hadn't seen him in years. We reconnected over boxes in my basement apartment. Ryan* was too old for me. But it didn't matter, he made things feel safe and familiar. I thought he would always be around to take care of me. Within a few short weeks, he told me he cared for me, that he wanted to marry me and buy me a house so I could plant daffodils in our front yard. Everything was perfect. Then in February 2015, something felt different. I insisted that Ryan bring me a pregnancy test, even though I wasn't late yet. He held my hand in the bathroom as we waited. I was right- two bright pink lines. We were so excited. We had each other, and a new baby, and Ryan would be there to provide. We started working on a budget and looking at apartments together. We even went to a bridal faire to plan for what we jokingly called our "shotgun wedding". I was going to have my own little family, something I had wanted since I was a little girl. I was living my dream.- it lasted four days. *names have been changed to protect identity