Finding a Mother Figure.

Hi, my name is Joseph Welbourne. I am 21. I am 270 pounds. I am partially blind. I have really bad confidence when it comes to most things. I am also pessimistic. The reason why I am looking for a mother figure is because my mother neglected me and one night when I was 13. My mom came into my room, she beat me over and over and over. I am still struggling with that trauma. I dont have my license so i am not able to get out of my mom's trailer home. I am currently shaking. I want to know what it is like to feel loved by someone who actaully loved me and cares. I am scared of my biological mother. Please help me.