Kelly Newell

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Wall Comment: #1381

Kelly Newell December 20, 2019 3:11 am

You are certianly not alone! This needs to be recognized and included in every family adoption with bio child/children. There seems to be a huge gap in including and working with bio kids who are ...

You are certianly not alone! This needs to be recognized and included in every family adoption with bio child/children. There seems to be a huge gap in including and working with bio kids who are displaced in their family's when adopted child/children are brought into the family home. I don't have the answers but I know they are there inside of you and every one of the bio kids who have and are experiencing the tremedous loss of THEIR family's. It's not just a loss of your family unit as you know it but also a feeling of being cast aside of not fitting in your own family anymore. feeling unimportant and Less than. It needs to be a priority in every family to ensure their bio kids have their needs met in this huge family transition. I think parents in the effort to ensure the adopted child/children needs are met sometimes are unaware of the needs and unspoken feelings of their bio kids. This has to change! As a parent I watched my daughter suffer the consequences of bringing three children In to our home she was 10 they were 5 ,3, and 2 years. I looked every where for information on how to help us. There was nothing ! No one to talk to about this. There was no help. Our daughter was free to talk about her feelings with us. And yes we understood and empathized with her. It was very difficult for all of us. I would be liying if I said we didn't feel the heart ache for the loss of our family before the kids came. We all felt it. We all missed our family

life before the 3 kids came. The difference is, as parents we were equipped to accept and deal with the huge changes. Children do not have the emotional maturity or skills to handle this. Parents do not have the knowlege or skills available to them to

help their bio kids in an effective long term manner. We attempted to help our daughter in every way we knew how.

Clearly this is a crucial, often overlooked and or minimized, extremely important part of adoption. My heart is heavy for you and I am truly so very sorry for the loss you have and are still enduring.

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