Anna

Hi Scott,I appreciate you being vulnerable and transparent enough to put this out there...that's brave! Though I am not adopted, I have been a social worker in foster care and adoption for over 15 years and I have worked tirelessly in my state on the rights of adult adoptees and the rights of birth parents for the exact reasons you highlight here with how you feel. You are NOT alone in how you feel or your experience! There are so many other young (and older) people, who have a tremendous amount of gratitude and respect for their adoptive parents, but who also still wonder "what if". I do not like to use the word "normal", but I will say that this is not uncommon. I can also understand how expressing these feelings with your parents would be complicated because of your love and respect for them and the sacrifices that they made for you. I think joy and gratitude and co-exist with grief and loss, and that is ok. It's ok for you to exist in both places. Feeling one doesn't lessen or cancel out the other, so allow yourself the space to have gratitude and grief in your life story. If it is possible, reach out to the agency that facilitated your adoption as they may offer support groups or resources to adult adoptees. It may be helpful to connect with others who are navigating similar experiences and feelings. If something doesn't already exist, don't be afraid to start a support group for adult adoptees. Your story and experience have value...it is important! Honor that and stay in community with others so that you can have support in your journey of healing. I hope that you find some peace and clarity.