Need ideas on a very sticky situation

I agree with wantoboparents. If there is confirmed drug use, get that baby outta there. This was not made clear in the original post, or maybe I missed it. But yeah, definitely... confirmed drug abusers have no business raising a baby. Maybe you can sue for custody...? Does anyone know how that works? ~Sharon

Medicaid is for people who cannot afford health insurance premiums in addition to people who are not offered health insurance or who don't have a job PERIOD. ... right now the majority of people working full-time are offered crap health insurance through their employers or have seen their health insurance premiums rise to a ridiculous level. Mine went from $125.00 per month to almost $250 in one year's time. My paycheck stayed the same so am I just to "buck up" figure out "some way" without perhaps looking into medicaid? Cripes. You complain about your husband paying out a hefty sum for your health insurance...you chose to adopt the 6 or 7 kids or whatever you have so I figure you planned to spend some of those funds towards health care. When I had my daughter and had health insurance, I didn't realize the $3,000 bill AFTER HEALTH INSURANCE that I had to pay. Perhaps I should have looked into home delivery in my bathtub in order to not inconvenience the taxpayer (who I was in the first place!). Just my opinion, mamasaid

"I am not just taking in some kid for the money that they would bring in with them" Neither did I nor did I say anyone did. My point was simply that using medicaid did not make them bad parents. And no, I was not raised by abusive parents, but I do work with birth parents and have adopted children who really were abused and neglected. "my children will NEVER see me drinking" Maybe that's why their child is at grandmas. "They are there because they do not want to pay their own way in life and they do NOT want to take responsibility for themselfs." Did they tell you this? Maybe they like living with their family. In some cultures, this is very common. "It seems like I am the only member of the family who sees anything wrong with this." Maybe there's a reason for that. Is this the best situation in the world? NO, but I wouldn't call it abusive. I simply do not feel this is an abuse case. If you feel there are drugs involved then all children in the home should be reported to child services. However, I doubt they'll be very interested in hand me down clothes, dirt on children, and medicaid.

I want to tell you that i was in a very similar situation. My cousins kids.....No exactly brothers but very similar. We had concerns about his two little girls. Things in the home were terriable. When I say we it is me, my husband, and other family members. No one had the courage to call, but because I am a preschool teacher and looking to adopt through the state i did not have a choice. So I made the call....Needless to say The family found out it was me and the CPS didn't do anything not because there wasn't concern but because they are in a grey area. You see we see things the way they are or in color and the law states things very plain in black and white. so if the the children fall into a grey area they are left in the home and the parents do pick up on what the CPS looks for. Let me explain to you how bad this situation was Two girls that curse like sailors In a small trailor with thier mother and father with the floor that is falling though with a bath tub they have to be careful in due to it falling through the floor. Three stray cats with no litter box. Mom and dad both drink and party a little to much. No seatbelts in any vehical No car seats to place the two or three year old in Multiple visits to the er various illnesses yeast infections in both children No current shots refusal of wic or any other services offered to help Children begged for food to anyone who would come in the door. Three year old began to vomit ever time she ate. both children underweight severly. Both children called nasty names by parents. Mother and father were both in extra marital affairs that the children knew of and would tell you mommy is sleeping at her boyfriends house tonight or that is daddy and his girlfriends new baby. etc.... My point....the children were not removed becasue the parents took them to the er when nesassary even if it was extreme. they did have food and they were not being hurt. They told CPS they could not force the girls to eat if they didn't want to. They told them they were fixing up the trailor. Adultry isn't a reason to remove children from thier parents. And acohol is not an illegal substance. so think long and hard before you call. A year later and we have not been allowed to see the girls nor do we ever know if we will. And we do not talk to one hole side of the family due to this. Just my thoughts Jody :(

Oh my gosh, jojobear. I wonder if the state's actions vary from state to state and/or with how busy or overworked they are. Both of these situations are frightening to me.

Children should not be raised at a party, they are entiltled to a home where they come before Budweiser. Inform your brother that if he doesn't have a heart change you will have no other choice but to report this abuse to the authorities. hard choice but really no choice.

NOone said these children were being raised at a party. The children are taken to their grandmothers on the weekend and then the parents go out. A weekly date night can be very healthy and who better to watch a child then a loving grandparent.

while i too, would not think this was an optimal situation to raise a child, beleive me, dfs (or whatever your state system is called), has returned children to places worse than the one you describe. i have friend whose foster child of 18 months was returned to her family of 8 that live in a two bedroom home, with no phone and no car. the child had moderate to severe asthma and was in the hospital several times durning her time with my friend. the family also had to 2 large pitpbull/mix dogs and smoked in the house. oh did i mention that the parents used to be running a meth lab in the same home all of these children were returned to. i doubt the state would substantiate the hotline anyway. i am sorry for your situation, i wish there was a better system/solution for children growing up in these conditions.

Maybe not raised at a party but the party is chosen over baby clothes and insurance. This does not show a great deal of responsibility on the parents part. How would you like to be chosen second to an addiction? What message will the child end up with about his/her self esteem? Date nights are different than partying, they do not have to have alcohol involved. In our county there is a limit to the number of people allowed to live in a house. Maybe you could look into that.

To all who have replied Thank you very much. I know that there are a lot worse situations, and I wish that all children were loved and taken care of properly. I guess I never realized how much abuse and terrible things are done to children until we started researching adoption. Because we want to adopt an older child from the state I have learned some very awful things. It gets very depressing at times, and I guess I will never understand why people do the things they do. We are trying to keep this from getting to that point by handling it in the family. I am not sure how long it will work. The girlfriend works in a state institution and apparently everyone already knows. That is how I found out that their situation had gotten worse. Someone she works with contacted me, and told me a lot more than I already knew. They are trying to hide a lot from the family, but now that it is all out there, maybe we can talk some sense into them before it is too late. I love my brother and his child very much and I guess I only want the best for them. I know I have offended some of you and that was not my intention. For that I am sorry. I will NEVER be sorry for caring about the well being of that baby.

i was curious on what your final decision was. I was not trying to discourage you from calling if you felt strongly about what what happening I was just warning you it is not an easy road to report family members. You are the one who has to deal with it no one else on this post, and you are the one who has to feel okay at night when you go to bed. I guess that is where it was okay that everyone was mad at us and won't speak to us. I felt good at night when i went to bed and knew I did the right thing for those two little girls. Just my thoughts Jody

The child does have clothes and insurance. "In our county there is a limit to the number of people allowed to live in a house. Maybe you could look into that." Hmm, there's ten of us. Only two are adults. I have some friends with 10 birth children. I wonder who the county would kick out. There probably are laws regarding single family dwellings. Contacting authorities may force them to get their own place.

We are hoping that as a family we can get them to see that 4 families (basically) living in such a small home is not in their best interest. I could see if the 9 people living there we 2 parents with their 8 children. That is another story. I came from a somewhat large family also. I feel for all the children there. There is no place for them to play. There are cribs everywhere you look and only a narrow path to get from room to room. I understand also that kids get dirty. Trust me, no one understands this better. I have 3 boys of my own, and I swear the youngest has to be related to Pigpen from the Peanuts some how! When I say dirty, I mean a baby who at the time was not even crawling. He not only had a very bad odor (not from dirty diapers) but you just wanted to put him right in the tub and scrub him. I mean taking him out for the day, in public, like this. We don't want to lose this baby. I know if child services are brought in we may never see him again. I just hope that some one can make them understand that. We love them and have the babies best interest at heart. Thank you all very much.

>>Medicaid is for people who cannot afford health insurance premiums in addition to people who are not offered health insurance or who don't have a job PERIOD. ... right now the majority of people working full-time are offered crap health insurance through their employers or have seen their health insurance premiums rise to a ridiculous level. Mine went from $125.00 per month to almost $250 in one year's time. My paycheck stayed the same so am I just to "buck up" figure out "some way" without perhaps looking into medicaid? Cripes.<< You obviously aren't keeping up with the conversation. Philyn94 said the family ~can~ afford insurance. I responded that if one ~can~ afford insurance, it is a crime for them to be on Medicaid. Yes, insurance premiums are high all over, BUT the answer does not lie in everyone jumping onto the Medicaid band wagon. The answer lies with our response to the insurance companies, and running and hiding will not change anything. We need to work toward changing the laws concerning health insurance, not simply allow them to charge more and more. Wouldn't you agree? >>You complain about your husband paying out a hefty sum for your health insurance...you chose to adopt the 6 or 7 kids or whatever you have so I figure you planned to spend some of those funds towards health care.<< Not sure what you're saying here. I haven't "complained" about anything. I commented that we pay an arm and a leg for our health insurance, but that's just a fact. >>When I had my daughter and had health insurance, I didn't realize the $3,000 bill AFTER HEALTH INSURANCE that I had to pay. Perhaps I should have looked into home delivery in my bathtub in order to not inconvenience the taxpayer (who I was in the first place!).<< Sooooo what you're saying is, if I'm hearing you correctly, that people who find themselves in expensive medical situations, that they didn't realize would cost them so much, they should rely on YOU and me to cover their expenses?! How does that make sense? Doesn't it make more sense to work at the state and federal level and make it so that you can afford your medical costs? I, personally, would not want to rely on the goverment for funding. I prefer to be as self-sufficient as possible without government interference, but that's just me........

Hi Again. I wanted to see if you are doing ok inside all this confusion. I really don't know how i could possibly decide what is right in this affair. That is why i kneejerked to "get Help". It must be real tough to soberly witness this occurring. How are the kids taking it, i know sometimes there are very resiliant children who can still have their play world no matter what is happening. Is there any joy in this story? Colin