Does the longing ever really go away?

Hi Judylin, I could not resist answering this post. It made me smile broadly. I suspect it is really such a personal choice. There aren't any mean standards by when to judge when enough children are enough. Many women are happy with one child, others can't ever have enough. Whether age has to do with knowing your limits is an open question. Speaking personally, I have three daughters 12, 3yrs and the youngest has just turned two. For me 3 is the limit of what I know I can cope with physically, emotionally and financially, keeping in mind the kind of support system available to me. I adore my children; they drive around the bend and are as splendid to me as others are to their parents. To answer your question as someone over 40. I knew with Jacqueline she would be my last. It was a decision my husband and I made jointly after much discussion. But yes, I definitely knew I could not do it again: not so much because I did not want to, but because I had to accept the choices we had already made responsibly. Any more children in my life would have beceome an irresponsible move, not only economically, but because I am aware of just how stretched I would have to be and I was not prpared to have my children and my marriage suffer in the long run. This aside, I also considered the medical risks and with the experiences of pregnancy that I have had: I was not going to willingly do it again. I want to enjoy my children and my marriage and not suffer premature burnout because I give up everything for their needs. To do this is a fatal mistake all round. Adjusting to life at home, after being a professional for so many years also takes considerbale adjustment. And all in all a balance in every facet of life is really important to me. I think too, generally it has to something to do with the personalities of the parents and the kind of relationship they have and for many being over forty is neither here nor there. When I was younger I saw myself as a professional, working mother of one and I sworeI would not be up to my eyeballs in nappies and a stroller after the magic 40 . only to find myself in it twice after that magic age: :):) It is so easy to make judgemental kind of comments about this, but I really think it has to be a choice made knowing one's own parameters. I remember when I went through my last intense "wanting" phase I thought of starting up a specialised babysitting service for infants only, so could be around them all the time, without any of them actually being my full resposibility, already having a house full of children as I do. hugs

I am 54 years old, have 3 grown children, 29, 30 and 31, 4 grandbabies, 4,3,2 and 2 months. In April of this year the adoption was finalized on two girls I have adopted - ages 12 and 13. My husband passed away in September of 2001 and I found I just could not be alone. I raised my children, and now they were raising their children, and I didn't want to be the meddling grandma. The two girls have many, many problems, but they are the joy of my life right along with everyone else. I don't feel I am too old to provide a safe, loving environment to two special needs children. In fact, I'm even thinking of more. My grown children thought I was nuts at my age, but the change that has come about with the 2 girls has been remarkable and we are all enjoying everyone now. If you want more, go for it.

As Rene'e stated, it's such a personal choice. When hubby and I were 25, we both agreed that we would be 'done' at that age. (Our first two were adopted.......we were SURE we were 'done'; however I often told folks that I would love to have at least six children-----if I could (and I meant adoption.....not birth). Years later, in our 30's, we adopted older kids. We were SURE we didn't want to have infants anymore. Once in our forties.....and having a job change, we realized we wanted infants again. Our youngest is almost two....and we're hoping for 'one more'. Life allows so many choices and avenues in which to travel. How much 'energy' one has, their job choices, their financial choices.....all of these play into the 'are we done' mode. Personally, hubby and I don't have the same desires to 'be free and do things just for us' that many couples our age do. That's 'fun for some', as the commercial says, but not for us. I suspect that if we are fortunate to be chosen for another baby, that one will be the last. However, experience has taught me to 'never say never'; and so the final choice must be made in one's own heart. And, yes, from talking to other couples, I think that when they feel that they are 'done'...........usually, it really means that.......I think we're just the exception to the 'rule'. Sincerely, Linny

I can understand. I have two bio kids ages 15 and 11. We just had a 6 yo girl placed with us for adoption. If you would have asked me several years ago if I was through, I probably would have said yes, but that was wrong. I'm 40 and starting with a newborn didn't appeal to me. Adoption of an older child has been perfect and you never know if more are in the future (although, don't mention that to my dh just yet).

My aunt and uncle faced this dilemna approximately five years ago. They were successful professionals and when they decided it was time to start a family, Mother Nature wouldn't cooperate. They adopted their first daughter through the Gladney Home in Dallas. Less than one year later, another daughter arrived by a private adoption. Neither of the women seemed daunted by their age. Thankfully, they look youthful enough to avoid the embarrassing, "Are those your grandkids?" question! So here I am a 34-year old single parent of two boys (7 and 4) with cousins that are now 5 and 4. Seems a little odd sometimes, but I wouldn't trade it in for the world! Bottom line - to heck what everyone else says! If it feels right for you and your family, by all means do it!