I' ve got the blues

What is it that he is looking to do? Does it include children or just you? Maybe you need time away from children. When my children were very small I remeber going through this but it was just becuase I had been with kids all day and the thought that I was going to spend more time with toddlers just did not appeal to me. But, when he would suggest time alone just the two of us I would love it. When he would ask where do you want to go eat I would say "Somewhere where they use cloth napkins!" ( I was running a day care in my home then and time away in a nice quiet restaurant was a treat! Anyway I also wanted to mention that I recently went through this again. I too have a great life, great kids, great hubby but was finding myself tired all the time and I had lost interest in the things I once enjoyed. I was diagnosed with depression and put on medication. I am feelng much better now. I would suggest a trip to your doctor first to rule out anything physical that could be causing you to feel so tired. At 40 you still have some of your best years ahead. Take Care Judilyn

I'm with Judilyn that it would be a good idea to check with your MD.....just to rule out any physical problems. And.......I'd sit down with your hubby to ask what it is he is thinking of---time with only you, or children as well. However, I'm 46yo myself. My oldest is almost 23yo, my youngest is almost 2yo. ( I am wanting one more child sooooo badly.....and find myself thinking I am racing against time.) You mentioned that you have gone through a lot of situations within the last year. Maybe you are just recovering from this too? Maybe your life is just now settled into a 'calm' and it is taking time to settle in? (Sounds logical to me!) Still, I'm beginning to think that men and women experience the greatest differences during these years. (At least I'm seeing this in my life and hubby's.) Keep the communication open. Don't be too hard on yourself. Visit your MD..........and see what transpires from there. You do have a lot of life to live; but perhaps after 40, it takes on a different 'look'......and BETTER! Sincerely, Linny

Dear Slug-Mom, I can TOTALLY relate to what you're feeling. I placed my first child for adoption at the age of sixteen. I married the birthfather afterward, and within a year, we had another child. I decided to be a stay-at-home mom to my second son. There were several factors involved in this decision. My husband had a good job and could afford to support us both; I was not yet 18, and my previous job experience consisted of waitressing and working in fast food restaurants. We decided that it would save us money in the long run (by saving the cost of daycare) if I just stayed home and raised my son. My son was also born premature and had some health problems in the beginning. I breastfed him, and I felt that he needed me to be a full-time mom after his rocky start in life. At first, I was thrilled with the arrangement. I thought it was great to be able to stay home reading and watching soaps all day ( I was very young at the time). I loved taking care of my son, and like you, I also took care of a neighbor's child for part of the day. Within a year, I was bored and depressed to the point of insanity. The situation felt intolerable to me... I felt trapped, buried alive. Many days I just sat around crying. Much as I longed to escape the confines of my house, I didn't have the energy to do anything to improve my situation. I felt weak and sick, overcome with inertia. A lot of days, I didn't even have the energy to get dressed. I was too tired to go out, too tired to have company over. My weekly trip to the grocery store was the high point of my life. I was eighteen years old. My ordeal finally ended a year and a half later when I was compelled by financial necessity to get out of the house and get a job. At first, this was devastating news! I was too weak and exhausted even to handle my chores around the house... where would I ever find the energy to hold a job as well? Within a few weeks of starting back to work, however, I felt like a whole new person; revitalized! Healthy! Positive! Weirdly enough, I had more energy for and patience with my son once I began working again, and was consequently a better parent as a "working mom" than I had been as a "stay-at-home mom". I have worked ever since, and intend to continue until the day I die. I will never forget the terrible boredom, inertia, depression, and general feeling of worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness and despair I experienced during my two-year stint as a stay-at-home mom/ invalid. I've come to believe that I'm one of those people who absolutely NEEDS the structure, routine, and discipline that work provides. Without it, I just collapse into a spineless little puddle. :p Nothing else but going back to work helped me AT ALL. My husband was sympathetic and tried everything to help me... giving me "days off" from child care so I could go out alone, taking me out on "dates" on the weekends, etc... and I felt like the most pathetic, ungrateful woman alive, because none of this cheered me up or made my life more tolerable. Only work saved me. It doesn't sound like your situation is anywhere NEAR as bad as mine was, but if you can't seem to shake the "blahs", you might consider going back to work, at least part-time... not for the money, but for your own physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. Best of luck to you. What you are feeling is normal, and you are NOT alone. ~Sharon ;)

After reading Sharons input (which was very well said) i remembered a time in my life when I went through something similar. It was after the birth of my 1st child. I spent the 1 st year home with her and would not change that for anything in the world but around her 1st b-day I bagan feeling just a Sharon described. I went back to work shortly afterwards at a local grade school as a special education teacher assistant. The work was so challenging (behavior disorder students) and I loved it. I felt much better and was in a much better mood while at home. I found I had more energy for my 1 year old and for my hubby .

Make sure you are getting some time to yourself. Whether it's taking an uninterrupted bath or going to the post office by yourself, make sure you have at least an hour each week of time that is yours and yours alone. Schedule it if you have to. Tell your husband it's an investment in your mental health and the emotional health of your family.

Hi, Thank you ALL for such great advice and support....I was diagnosed with depression and was put on medication too, and it has helped a little but I must just be a home-body. This is the first time in my life I don't have a lot of chaos going on, and I use to travel for a living, and traveled with my family growing up. I also raised two daughters and did everything with them...maybe that's why I'm so pooped! :p Some days I just have more energy than others. I'm 47, not 40. I can keep up with a very hectic day with the kids but I still can't wait to crawl into bed around 7pm and just watch t.v. (Discovery Channel - all those medical shows) and look out at our beautiful mountains. This is my serenity time though it impacts my relationship a tad. But my husband is very good about taking me out to dinner now and then. That day that I had the blues, he wanted to do something with our son, which I really did need a break from everyone, really. I didn't want to do ANYTHING. That's rare for me, but this day I guess I just was feeling selfish and I think it's fine to feel that way. It's very rare that I do, because I absolutely love being with our son every day and can't wait to get up in the morning and see his smiling face. Thanks again for all your help. It's good to hear that others suffer from a VERY common problem of depression. It has such a negative connotation to it, but more people suffer from it than know or will admit to it. :o Ok, I'm pooped again....