Stress ~

I had a co-worker (male) who told me that when he came home from school, all the way through his teen years even, his mom would have a snack for him and would have a puzzle going on the table where he ate his snack. He would sit down with her to eat his snack and would begin working on the puzzle with her. This freed him up to talk with her--it's a relaxing activity (at least for some people), and he can look at the puzzle rather than looking at her in the eyes if it was a stressful topic. He said that it really helped them to be able to communicate throughout his growing up years. My son (the clothes chewer!) loves puzzles, so I'd like to start doing this with him.

I think it is important to teach our children about stress and what it is.... To talk about the ways we feel and what makes us feel better. We talk about stress and make it an acceptable part of our life. As parents we sometimes actually use the word stress to let our children know it happens to us. When they are young we let them know things like--this weekend we may have to stay around the house, it has been a stressful week and mom and dad need to get some things done. We also let the children know that right now might not be a good time to have a tatrum, dad has had a stressful day at work and maybe you will get what you want if you let him have some time to relax first. With my older children (grown now) I often thought I should hide my stress from them so they would not be worried... I think I made an error with this approach as stress is normal and as they grow they should feel okay to experience stress. We now play "FREEZE" at home and it is a role playing game, everyone gets a part and when a good issue comes out mom or dad says Freeze.... and we all talk about what each person is feeling like... and why they said something or did something. I find this game great for 3rd grade and up because it opens up the door to talk about situations that happen outside of the house. We recently playes FREEZE with our five-year old and role played a stranger asking her to get in his car..... she amazingly was not too young to understand. I think as parents we need to tune into stress and help our children understand the different ways we feel it, and how we can make it go away or put it where it belongs.

Hi, I agree ... it's important to talk honestly about stress and to create situations which make it comfortable for kids to talk to us. I like the idea of snacks (and puzzles) as a time for 'tuning in' with our kids. We need to be available to them and let them know they can tell us what's on their minds. This way, when they are adolescents, they will confide in us (it worked that way for me and my kids - now 14 and 21). The 'freeze' idea is a great one! What is more important than open communication among parents and kids? Thanks so much for your posts! I bet there are some other wonderful ideas happening in other homes too. Share them with us ~ Nancy