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Originally Posted By JeanI don't have legal answers to your question. All I can say is if you go the route of open adoption and later find that it is too painful, you COULD tell the family that you can't handle it. Think of how that could impact others if you do that though. If you go with closed adoption...you don't have any recourse to change your mind and WANT contact. I didn't have any choices so closed adoption was what I went thru. It is hard, but I'm not too sure I could handle knowing where my child was and not really being able to participate in her life. This has to be a very PERSONAL decision that you make. I wish you the best!
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Originally Posted By PaulaShawnee,It's close to impossible to make a close adoption open!!! At the very least you might want to go with a semi-open adoption where the parents send letters and photos every year. Mine started out that way and became completely open later. (But most semi-open adoptions stay that way and don't open up.)As far as what the other girl commented about that it would be difficult for her to know where her child is and not be participating in it's life. Well I know EXACTLY where my birthdaughter's adoptive parents live. I've visited them several times. I don't find it very hard. In fact I think it's helped me deal with the pain of adoption alot better. Because I DO have a relationship with my birthdaughter and her family. I'm not her mom... but I'm proud to be her birthmom. It's the best thing to know that you can be there if she ever questions why she is adopted or has identity problems! Her mom can just call me up if she has any family medical history questions. I value the relationship with my birthdaughter's adoptive parents! I don't ever have to wonder if I made the right decision, because whenever I see them together as a family... I know I made the right decision!Good luck!Paula
Originally Posted By HollyI really think that adoption is what you make it today. If you want to have more open, less open or closed -even after the fact that it can be done. The hardest part is realizing that once you've committed to a given type of adoption you've involved other people in that choice. The aftermath from changes down the road could be good or bad depending on the consent of everyone involved.My best advice would be to discuss these concerns with your potential adoptive family. An ounce of prevention is woth a pound of cure. If you lay down the groundwork for a strong foundation the future will be wonderful for everyone no matter what happens. If you don't discuss and agree to be open to issues like this it could be a less pretty scenerio.Hope that makes some sense. :o)Holly
Originally Posted By BrendaRYou need to educate yourself on open adoption. There are some really good books out there. One is The Open Adoption Experience. I have also written a booklet called What is Open Adoption? which talks about the benefits to all triad members. Remember, most birthparents end up wanting more contact not less.Also, I am a firm believer that fully open adoption is what's best for kids. I have a 15 year old in a fully open adoption. I have seen his and other kids lives enriched by knowing their birthparents. Knowing our children as they grow is not a privilage to us, but a responsibility we have and a gift we can give them.Feel Free to e-mail me privately at brenr@r2press.comBrenda Romanchik
Originally Posted By Adrienne ABe careful that you find the same expectations. Generally, it does not chage. Thugh you can later open it if the adoptive couple agree's to. Most contracts can not be bound, so even though you agree to one thing you must make sure your birth parents have integrity and the you trust them. It is a hard transition and there are many honorable parents out there. Semi open is good if you think you want contact b/c you can also choose not to open the letters.
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Originally Posted By JenI honestly think the decision should be discussed with the prospective family and yourself. They should voice their views on what they are comfortable with as ar as contact, and you can do the same. Maybe a semi open is a good idea, if everyone is in agreement. That's letters, pictures, e-mail and frequent updates. We all agreed to that because it was "safe" for all of us. In the future, we do have the option to have a more open adoption with possible physical visitation. It's all done on a mature and open discussion when all parties are comfortable with it.
Originally Posted By TammieShawnee it all depends on the relationship you make with the parents. if you have a open and trusting relationship it can work We have 2 very open adoptions with visits I love having our Moms involved in the kids lives. if you would like to know more here is our email. I would love to share with you some ideas on adoption. jtstarr@medford.net. hang in thereTammie
Originally Posted By PAULArEADING YOUR LETTER MAKES ME THINK THAT IT WOULD BE VERY HARD FOR THE ADOPTIVE PARENT FEARING THAT YOU MIGHT CHANGE YOUR MIND AND WANT YOUR CHILD BACK. THE PAIN IN THIS CASE WOULD BE TRIMATIC FOR ALL. I KNOW AS I JUST WENT THROUGHT THE MESS OF IT ALL AND I'M ONLY THE GRANDMOTHER.
Originally Posted By SharronAlot of times they are not even any legal documents drawn up. It's between you and the adoptive parents, so you have to be able to trust them enough to know they will not do you wrong. I would think that it would be better to just start out "open." You don't have to visit just bc it's open, but it would be easier if you decided to. Adoptive parents don't have to change from closed to open, but if the a-parents care about you too and not just your baby, they will work with you. I have friends that have placed. If you are interested in talking to them, just email me. God bless you with your decision. Sharron ( onexplorer@aol.com )
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Originally Posted By LisaI have an open adoption were I adopted a 5month old.He's now 4 years old.I'm wonting to adopt again and think I would do open again.My adoption has been more like semi-adoption.Which I'm glad because I don't wont to confuse the child.I welcomed the bmom to visit but she dont.Which is allright that might be what she is comfortable with.If you had good or bad experince with open adoption please write me atsmithey_1999@yahoo.com or any birth moms who would like to share yhe thoughts of what there fears are in adoption or what type of adoption they think is good or have experanced.Thanks Lisa.
Originally Posted By LottPaula, When I read your letter it made me smile. You must be a very special bmom. We hope to adopt one day ourselves (and unlike tne next post) I hope with all my heart we find someone that is like you or bmom Jamie. I was thinking just the other day, that for a marriage to work it "TAKES" two people devoted to making it work but a marriage can be broken easily with only one deciding not to try. I think that a relationship between aparents and bmom is also a lot that way. You enter into a life time relationship and if there is trust, respect, and honesty you don't have to fear each other but can embrace each others friendship. You obvisiously have been blessed to have that kind of relationship with your aparents and I think it is GREAT!God luck to you and God bless you.Lott
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Originally Posted By Greg EversI'm a High School Health Teacher, and I wanted to know some of the laws regarding adoption and if the child can be seen by the birthing mother. Does it depend on the state or is there a law nation wide. I'm from Oregon and looking for more information regarding adoption. Thanks. My email address is EVERS8882@aol.com.