why is it so hard to adopt African American children through state agencies???

jhenrie, I don't think anyone would disagree that AA children do well in AA homes. I also believe the laws against basing adoptions on race was due to so many AA children waiting in foster care. And certainly it is sad to hear of what sleeplver is going through. Unfortunatly all states are different in their actions. HOWEVER I do not believe that AA kids NEED to be in AA home to live happy lives. Unfortunatly, the story that you described in your post IS the reason that MANY AA people AND white people alike, feel that transracial adoption is wrong. Kids should never have to grow up in an environment that is going to hurt them emotionally. I'm surprised that your mother in law is still in your life due to the things you have stated here. Many people who have experience with the issues of transracial adoption will tell you that they have had to no longer speak to family members or friends due to their racist beliefs. Your children should not have to suffer because of the beliefs of your family. I live in an apartment complex with the majority of the people being black or hispanic. My town is VERY diverse and has a huge AA population. My neighbors and their kids know us and accept us. My son will have classmates that look like him. I have family members who are AA, Hispanic and Phillipino. My family adores him and NEVER says anything inapropriate to or around my son. A LOT more goes into transracial adoption than just love. That is for sure. We as parents of AA children need to do whatever we can to make sure our kids know about their culture AND are around those who look like them. We also need to protect them from those people who have negative views of their race.

Well, the incident with my stepmom just happened this weekend. Prior to that (with regard to the "black faced" statues), I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt, because she said that she ONLY had them because her grandmother left them to her. After the blowout this weekend, I have a whole NEW understanding of her mindset. That certainly changes everything! We are actually planning on moving to a more diverse area. We're dreaming of Portland right now. (I was actually raised in Little Rock, where I was the minority in schools, so I understand the vast difference in culture & acceptance.) We've been wanting to get out of this stifling place anyway, but having AA daughters now just has us itching to leave post haste! We've actually recoiled quite a bit from our families already. We had long talks with all parties prior to even being matched with the girls, & we even wrote a "book" for each of them to have a copy of that talks about the ins, outs, & special needs of transracial adoption. As far as we're concerned, we've done our part. The ball is in their court now, & our children ARE far more important to us than any of the rest of our families (including parents). When we were outside arguing with my dad & stepmom this weekend, I actually said, "Fine, we're leaving. I'm not exposing my girls to this garbage." But in the end, she apologized, said that she would put them away "for good," & that I had "enlightened" her. I don't believe her completely, though, so I don't know if OR when we'll be visiting them again! We just want to get the heck out of dodge & start over in a place that is more conducive to our unique family dynamics!

After all this ranting and raving.I talked with the SW for the private agency. She thinks she has a baby for us. The baby was born last month and relinquishment papers have been signed. The 10 day revocation period is also up. The bmom has not officially chosen an adoptive family. She only got to see one profileŅ.ours. We were the only family open to an AA/BR male. :) The agency did try to get her to come in to look at one other profile that came in last week but she cancelled the appointment. The agency is going to try to get her to come in again and if she doesnt they will make the decision for her. The baby has been in interim care since birth. HowҒs about that for timing? So I need to make sure our homestudy is transferred this week. The private agency is a contractor for the state so they were able to verify that we have a current homestudy. Plus they have been in contact with our state caseworker.

YIPPEE! That's exciting! I hope it all goes well for you!

Sleeplvr, That is awesome news! Jhenrie, unsolicited information about Portland. My husband was given the opportunity to move there two years ago; we visited several times. It is absolutely beautiful and liberal (what we like) with lots of gay/lesbian families, super social services available, etc. One problem: there are very very few brown people there. In fact, on two visits (we went everywhere in the city) we saw less than a dozen AA people and only a few more Asians (all Eastern Indian and Vietnamese). My dh's cousin resides there and confirmed that for two years running (several years prior to visit) Portland was ranked informally as the third "whitest" city in the United States of its size. Just something to consider. We opted to return home to Texas instead. Have you visited often and had a different experience than ours? I am just curious if you would share.

Are you serious?!?!?!? No...we had just heard that it was very diverse! That's a shock to me! We were excited, because we thought we had found the "perfect" place for our family....racially diverse, politically diverse, liberal, & religiously diverse! Sheesh! Well, it sounds like we need to pause. <sigh> The most diverse places that I have personal experience with are in the south...but I know that there is so much racism, so many conservatives, so little religious diversity, etc. Where will we ever go? <half hearted laugh>

sleeplvr, I am so excited for you! Wouldn't this be something if it all works out? I will be praying for you! Please, please, please let us know what happens as soon as you know anything! :)

BethanyB I owe you an update on the possible situation that our SW presented to us last week. The bmom did go to the office and we were officially chosen by her. Our SW called us on Wednesday to let us know. After we got off the phone she then went to the bmoms counselor to work out details for the placement. Well҅.thats when things started to get a little funny. Our SW called me back about 30 minutes later to say there is a question regarding the babyҒs race. They were now thinking that the baby might be full CC. I had that sinking feeling and then had to call DH to let him know that the situation was falling apart. He called our SW to talk with her about what was going on. She offered to send photos of the baby so we could determine whether we would want to continue. We got the photos and the baby is definitely biracial. Hes just has a light complexion at this point. He was three weeks old at the time. What did they expect? IҒm pretty sure that the fostermom had a big hand in this because there were some comments she made attached to the email with the photos. She was commenting on his hair texture and how it changed throughout the day. It starts out curly after his bath and then straightens out during the day. Plus my SW said that the fostermom had contacted the bmoms counselor to express her concerns. They then had the bmom visit and now sheҒs unsure of the father. It is obvious to us that the baby is biracial. I find it sad they have the bmom questioning herself now. None of this became an issue until after we were officially chosen. Last thing I heard was on Fridaymy SW went to the director of the agency to find out what was going on because bmomŒs counselor was out of the office. They have made the decision to look for a CC family. SW said that she would give us a call today if anything changes.

Sleeplvr, I had been waiting for an update! I can't believe what is going on though! What is the foster moms deal? Does she really think the kid is CC? My son at 2 weeks of age was lighter than I was but it was obvious that he was at least part AA. His facial features are for sure AA and now he has gotten darker (still very light skinned) but darker. That SO stinks. Did you tell them that AA babies are very light at birth? Is there any chance at all that this could still go through for you? :(

I dont know whatҒs going on with the fostermom. His features are definitely AA. Maybe she is used to seeing biracial babies that are darker than him. Who knows We have some friends that are AA and when they had their bio baby a nurse refused to bring him to the mom, she wanted to double check the barcode to make sure a mistake hadnŒt been made. She thought he was too light to be their baby. I guess she wasnt used to seeing AA babies that color. Who knows҅.. We trust that our SW is doing the best she can. I realize now that I have to keep a close eye on them. Our homestudy has finally turned up. It was mailed back in February and somehow it never made it to our SW. After requesting a 3rd copy to be sent...the first copy showed up. Another SW from her agency called us Thursday evening wanting to setup a time to do a homestudy. :confused: DH answered the phone and couldn't figure out what she was talking about and gave the phone to me. Our homestudy has been sitting on her desk for over a month. She apologized and then proceeded to try to convince me to do fostercare through their agency. :mad: I know that what we are experiencing is not the norm for AA families adopting. We are just having a run of bad luck. SW thinks she might have a possible situation next month. I am not holding my breath on the current situation. I feel like we have been dismissed. Back to waiting again.

Sleeplvr, I'm so sorry to hear of what you have been going through. I will be praying that things work out in the end. Let us know of any updates!

Thanks for your support! I'm going to stop complaining from now on.... Thinking good thoughts...thinking good thoughts...... :)

I am sitting here reading this and crying. Things are no different now. we have been foster/adopt parents for the last 3 years. On August 20, 2004 we picked up our little Hispanic 2 day old foster baby girl from the hospital (We are Caucassian). All along it looked like we may be able to adopt her. In May, 2005 the department of children and family services decided that an aunt's home had been approved and that they would start transitioning her to the aunt. We hired an attorney and tried to point out that this child had been with us from birth and was very attached. The aunt had been asked in the beginning if she wanted the baby and had said no. There were others in the department who said it wasn't the best for the aunt to take her because she was dealing with the baby's two half siblings that were high needs kids because they had been in and out of foster care. Our worker was so determined that this child be with bio family and with her culture so she could be in a spanish speaking home, even though my husband speaks fluent Spanish. The judge never gave us a hearing only listened to what the two attorneys said. Our worker had suppressed info and even lied. But the judge just signed the order for her to be placed with the aunt. By this time she was already over a year old. Our hearts have been broken. It is one of the most painful things to go through. Now we're looking at African American or biracial adoption. There's no way we can do foster care again. The system doesn't work for kids. We are doing all we can to bring about policy changes in the system but it's a very hard thing to change. mom, foster mom and hope to be adoptive mom

Dear Arvella: You are going through what so many of us have gone through and know all too well. IMO...seldom does the system work for the best interests of the child/children. Try to give yourself time, and realize that at least now you know you can not do foster care in hopes of adopting. This is where our own family came to this same point. After losing three foster little ones......our hearts were just too broken. It did not help that the system had told us these wee ones would probably be adoptable quite soon too......and it hurt doubly hard, when the director admitted that they (the system) 'probably misrepresented ourselves'. Of course, it left our entire family in the wake. Deciding to go on with domestic (or even international adoption) is a good plan. This moment in your lives (for so many months)...will not ever completely leave you. But, you can learn to live with it, and go on---by keeping the hope that you will eventually have a baby without having to worry that someone will eventually step forward to 'claim it'. My best to you in continuing your adoption journey..... Most Sincerely, Linny

Hi, I am from OH we just got our homestudy through the state in Aug. We are waiting to bring home a AA sibling set sometime the first part of Nov. 2 & 5yrs old. We already have a multi-racial daughter who is also 2 yrs old through domestic adoption. We requested a AA child or children for that reason. I am surprised this has moved so fast. They are already free for adoption and are in an AA foster home. But the foster family only wants the one child and they won't split them. We will gladly take both children. Also the MEPA act is suppose to prevent race from being an issue. I know when they do the match meetings they can't even mention the familys race. Only the what is better family for child as far as what needs can be met. Merts