success from fost-adopt

Originally Posted By AngelaBeth,I am the adoptive mother of a 6 year old foster son who was placed with us at the age of 4 years old. We had his 13 year old brother who we were also going to adopt but it disrupted due to behaviors stemming from Attachment disorder and sexual abuse that his caseworker refused to address for fear of labeling him. It was not a healthy situation for our son because he was his main target of his anger, both physical and mental. How old is this sibling group? If they are older be aware that there may be attachment issues and prepare yourself for the possibility that the child may never attach to you as a child does to a mother. It is very heart wrenching when you try so hard and get nothing in return. On the other hand I believe most children can become attached to you and except you as their parents. My suggestion would be to be upfront about what you can and can not handle and listen very carefully to what the current foster parents say about the child since they know them best. Ask if they have attached to them because if they did then they have a good chance of attaching to you. Expect attachment to accure about 6 months to a year after you have them in your home. Expect yourself to attach from the begining despite the childs rejections of you at first.Good luck,Angela

Originally Posted By deborah hareGod bless you for speaking the truth. Adopted children do need to be in touch with their birth parents. People treat them like property......they have needs and desire information and love from all involved in their life. I commend you for being real!

Originally Posted By michelleI am in the same situation as you. My husband and I want to adopt a child so bad. But every place I have checked cost so much money.

Originally Posted By Miaor am I the only one that hit a snag like this. We were ready to adopt our foster child and unfit, unstable bio dad my now be forced to take the child he doesn't love. Mom even voluntarily signed and said she wanted us to take custody.

Originally Posted By MelissaWe are in the final stages of our home study and our foster child has been with us for just over a year now. She is 11 and what a year this has been. Our adoption is free because we are going through a local children's home here in Charlotte. Check out some children's homes - they usually cover the adoption costs.

Originally Posted By EllenWe have adopted six children that we first did foster care for. It has been a long hard road but we would not change a thing. Our kid have been placed as old as 7 nd as young as 13 days. We just finished atwo year reunification plan with our 4 and 5 year olds. Their birthmom decided to consent to adoption in the final hour. The worst was our baby we got at 13 days old and spent fourteen months not knowing id he would stay or go. That was a killer. We just finalized his adoption 1/2/02. PRAISE GOD!! I can't begin to tell you the blessing these six kids have brought to our lives.

Originally Posted By Beverly FWe adopted a daughter 3 yrs ago. She was 2 when everything was finalized. As for myself, I didn't want any visitation due to the fact that I thought my child would need to feel secure and stable first. Then, whenever our daughter gets a little older and asks to see her birth parents, we'll set up the meeting(s). Otherwise, I know very well that our daughter is doing just fine and is better off for our decision. It was tough. I went back and forth trying to think what would be right for everyone. She still remembers some things and I know for fact, she is better off for the decision I made 3 yrs ago. I send pictures and a letter from us telling of her progress twice a year. I receive items from them, but I put them in a box for her to have later on, whenever the questions start. It's been amazing. Even the socialworkers and her teachers tell us how well adjusted she is, how sweet and intelligent she is. We, and they, can't seemingly believe it. She's in kindergarten now and quite spoiled, but disciplined. I really think that if we'd allowed their calls and occasional visitation, she'd have been worse off emotionally for it. But, I think also that you have to be unbiased and open to your situation. What I mean is that you know the children and their reactions to the various visits. You also know that you have biased feelings about that. I think we should always do what is best for the children -- not what you want for your feelings or what the birthparents have requested. Do only what is best for them, all the time.

Originally Posted By MichelleThink hard about adopting. Afterall, it's only money and that's a material thing. A child needs a good life with lots of love. There is no price that is to high for giving a child love and a good home. Is there---I don't think so. I'd do it all over again and beg, steal and borrow if I had to. I'm glad we did it. We gave Maxine our hearts, our home, and whatever we else we can to ensure she grows into a valuable human being with all the things a good home can give to a our lovely daughter. She's been a blessing and worth more than any amount of money. She's priceless!!

Originally Posted By BeverlyMichelle, that message above was from me.... Beverly in Kentucky

Originally Posted By AshleyI'm sooooo glad that there is people like you out there~!! Maybe someday I will adopt a couple of children. They really healthy famlies to look up to.

Originally Posted By KathleenHi Beverly-any pointers for htose of just beginning the process? We are in AZ and would appreciate any helpful advise you c ould pass on. We are going to use a private agency for the certification, then work with them and DES for a child 0-5. This agency also does newborn matches, but right now we are more interested in a toddler. Look forward to hearing form you! Kat

Originally Posted By Jackie CampbellI hope things work out like that for us! Congratulations, and say a prayer for us.

We went thru DSS for our children. Two where in the system many years, a great deal of baggage. We all have our own baggage, to go w/ theirs.lol. Some Guardian Ad Liems are very knowledgable of the children that they advocate for. We are in our late 40s and early 50s. So we chose what we felt as age approriate. We will have infants in our lives soon enough,now. Don't let teens scare you, but make sure they fit your family by going thru fostercare, plus you get to know everything, basicly. Always remember your own child could behave as any of these do. Positive or negitive. Our children when adopted were 14, 17 and 14, all males. What experiences we have.

:( Well after 5 months of thinking we may foster adopt a child we find a relative may get this child. We knew the mo was having problems. The dad was not around at the time we got the child. He came back into the picure a month after we got her. He is trying to get the child and may get her. But every week the story changes. We may still get this child and the next we may not. I feel that a carrot is being dangled above my head. I am so frustrated that all I can do is pray.

:( Well after 5 months of thinking we may foster adopt a child we find a relative may get this child. We knew the mo was having problems. The dad was not around at the time we got the child. He came back into the picture a month after we got the child. He is trying to get the child and may get custody. But every week the story changes. We may still get this child and the next we may not. I feel that a carrot is being dangled above my head. I am so frustrated that all I can do is pray.