has anyone been through a contested abandonment

I am going through the same thing, but we havent filled yet. It will be a year in March, but his real dad just started sending him cards through my parents address and just like yours he comes and goes as he pleases. I havent given my son the cards, but have sent them back un-opened.

Having been abandoned by my mother in a similar way, I would have to say that you should NOT send back any cards or letters written for your child. If you feel you shouldn't give them to your child at that time, then don't. But don't send them back. My father did this with letters from my mother. When I found out about it, I was extremely hurt and now feel anger towards my father. Even though you may not like it, this person will always be the parent to your child. Do not take what little your child may have to remember his/her father away. It will only hurt you all in the end.

Thank you for responding. This whole process is so scary, but needed. Our kids deserve to have closure and sequirity. Out our adoptive parents deserve the honor of the rights and title of parent. Having said that I think that there is far too much at risk with the leagal aspect of step parent adoptions. We end up defending the ego of the absent parent instead of the well being and safety of our children. I am also interested in talking with people who are through all this and at the other end. I could use advise and support in trying to help out daughter understand this without creating negative feelings and emotions. And without damaging her relationship with her adoptive father. We have just started this process so unfortunately I have no retrospect. My daughter's donor as I call him has only seen her once when she was 1 and a half. She is now 4 and a half. He does not try to contact her. But is very denfensive of his reputation. My husband and I have been married for three years and we have been together since she was six months old. They have a wonderful relationship, but I know that she will have abondoned feelings and issues with her origins regardless of her relationship with her dad. I thank God every day that the donor has stepped out of the picture. And pray that he will stay gone and be thankful he is being released of his obligations. He would do nothing but damage. Please feel free to contact me via e-mail.

We had our investigation at the house and that all went wonderful. But now t find out my ex is going to contest. Even though he hasnt seen ihim in over 2 years, is mentally ill accordinly to the state of california and is on social security for the rest of his life , he is only 26. Beat the crap out of me for 6 years, endangered my son 5 times (2 when i was pregnant and 3 after. Anyway they have an attoney and say they have been looking for my son son for a couple years now. Which they cant prove because if they looked they would of found me. I moved 2 hours away. BUt my dad lives 10 mins away from him, his phone #'s are all the same and my ex has seen my best friend 4 times and never asked about him. I think the only thing they can say is he hasn't hurt anyone in the last year. Anyway i dont know how all this is going to work out. any advice??

How can I start an abandonment proceedings. My son is 8 years old and his bf has never supported him or even stopped by to say hi.:mad:

If you have someone to adopt then you can start abandonment. You have to file adoption papers, and ask for a petition for freedom from parental custody and control. They will only terminate his rights if their is a man to adopt. You have to go through the whole adoption process with the investigation and all, serve him with papers etc. Finally when you go to court they will do the adoption and the termination of rights at the same hearing.

Anyway our court hearing was et for June 18. June 17 we get a phone call from the bf attorney says she continued the hearing and it was all preapproved, and to set a date with her. We werent stupid they dont preapprove a continuance. Anyway we showed up to court and then they did a continuance over the phone, if we did not show up it would of been thrown out of court. I guess their attorney has not been following the correct procedure, didn't send money to get the file info sent to her, so there for she was not ready for court. The Judge told her no more continuance. It is now set for July 16. Yesterday My husband and I went and got a attorney for the hearing, we figure we should have one if they are gonna play games. She seems tough she is going to default them for not responding in the 30 days after been served. She says she thinks it is in the bag for us. I'll keep you all updated.