I think i want to give up my son!

For what it's worth, in most states even if it is in writing, it is not worth the paper it is written on. In most states open adoptions are not legally binding.

"For what it's worth, in most states even if it is in writing, it is not worth the paper it is written on. In most states open adoptions are not legally binding." ~ JenDoane Thanks you, JenDoane. I don't know how many times I will have to keep repeating this before others will finally understand and stop giving this advice. It only gives bmoms a false sense of security. Everyone, please: if you mean well, and I'm sure you do, please stop telling potential bmoms to "get it in writing" and start telling them to research (and reform) their state's laws instead. ~ Shar

Sharon I know what you mean, it's a pet peeve of mine! :)

You need real options counseling, not adoption counseling. There are places out there that provide maternal support. Please e-mail me privately. I may know of somplace in your area. I hate to say this but there are far too many "adoption providers" who are only too willing to exploit your ambivilence. You need someone who is truly objective. My e-mail address is brenr@openadoptioninsight.org Check out my organization's website if you want to see more of what we do.

Have you talked to a professional about this. You may be having some post partum depression. It sounds like you have a full plate. Are you getting out of the house once in a while? Do you have a friend in your same situation? You need someone to talk to. Have you asked your boyfriends mother for help? Does she know your feelings? If she can not help maybe she would arrange some. You are carrying a heavy burden and I will be praying for you. Let everyone know how you are doing, please.

bromanchik I tried to tell Dawnisha, about my similar situation having one older child and one on the way my son arrived in October and I'm overjoyed to have him here even though he was unplanned. Like I told her the only one who can make her final choice is her. I did let her know that even if she thought she had no one to talk to that there are others out there in similar situations, but we tuff it out cause it's our calling. I spend every moment I can with my son cause I missed out on alot of things with my daughter cause I had to go back to work when she was 3 weeks old, so I'm enjoying my time with him. I did let her know if she made that choice not to feel bad about it, she should be happy in the fact she made some lucky person or persons dream come true, as I know people who cant have children and they would give anything to have what I have, they want it so much they spoil my children, one couple though God Blessed them finally after surgery and 12 years they finally have a beautiful little girl of their own in Dec. ,but if that hadn't of happened for them they would of looked at adoption, they are going to be great parents.

I think that many women make the "Choice" to place in fear and panic and are not making it based on the information and resources that are out there. If any one needs to make an informed decision, it is a mother in crisis. I am here to offer information so her decision is one she can live with, whatever she decides. Placing a child should not be about being happy that you are making someone else's dream come true, it should be about providing what is best for her child. She and her husband, with some support, may be the best thing for their child. No child should be seperated from their first parents without very careful consideration.

Hi All, it is obvious that the person who first wrote this is not interested or not logging onto this site. Check it out yourselves... If you all want to continue,then do it to help others who appear to be concerned about the children they are looking to adopt, have adopted or ready to relinquish. nina

"This thread should stop." ~ Ninamo1 Respectfully disagree. There are numerous threads on this forum that were started by someone who posted once and never posted again. That has nothing to do with the value of the thread. If you really look at the demographics of this forum, there are only a handful of regular posters; hundreds of lurkers ("guests"), and a bunch of people who only post once, or only once in a blue moon. The input of everyone who has responded to this thread is BEYOND valuable. In sharing their experiences and perspectives, I hope they will help not only Dawnisha but the numerous other young women in Dawnisha's situation who visit this forum daily, and the countless prospective birthmothers who will visit this forum in the future. They help ME by sharing their stories; not that their advice can change the reality of my situation, but it helps me simply to know that so many people care so much, and can relate, and that none of us, truly, are alone in this. I don't know if you're a birthmom or not, but I am, and until I joined this forum, I had never met another one. I felt very alone, very alienated, and profoundly different from other people. I hope people KEEP ON POSTING on this thread and every other thread. They're responding because they care... they care about the original poster specifically, but even more than that, they care about every young woman who finds herself in this situation (and there are many). And lastly, you have absolutely no way of knowing that Dawnisha "is not interested or not logging onto this site." You can't tell when I'm logged on, can you? She could very well be reading and benefiting from this thread right this minute... she is under no obligation to respond. She asked for advice; she's getting it. What is there to say? And even if you're correct and she is no longer "interested", I'm sure that many many others in her situation are. Please try to control your negativity. It is helpful to no one, including you. sincerely, ~ Sharon

ninamo1 Sharon is right, There are some many bad things in this world teen mothers throwing babies in the trash, women saying their crazy and they get away with killing their children because they claim Post partum made them do it, unwanted children all over. It is good to have a sight like this and a thread like this cause you never know some one's 15yr old daughter maybe yours might be thinking how she is going to tell her parents she's pregnant or thinking about abortion, or wondering if she can raise a baby at her age or wondering if it's alright to find a family that would love her child like she would love it, or maybe she was raped and couldn't bare the pain of living with the child knowing the child was a victim as well chose not to terminate, but to give this child a better future instead of making the child a worst off victim. This sight does help. And to the birth moms it's a blessing mean I may not be a birthmom, but if I was an adoptee and I knew I could look on the net to see if my real parent was looking for me and see how much they loved me enough to try and make the best choice for me that would tickle me to. I have never been in either situation but tell you this sight does help it helps the bmom know that she has choices out there not abortion and people who can help wether it's advice or counseling, and it gives amoms the chance to see that sometimes it's a good idea to keep in contact with your child's natural parents cause sometimes there are questions that you can't answer and the bmom can. And it gives the adoptee the hope that their bmom did what was best because she loved them so much,"God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son, so that we can join him in heaven" every parent be it birth or adoptive in some unique way each their own makes sacrafices for their children just as Our Father a long time ago. And if you are a bitter adoptee I have one thing to say to you quote my mother any Boy can be a father it takes a big man to fill the shoes of a DADDY, (that's for stepping up to the plate and being responsible wether natural Dad or adopted), And if you want to add to that it's any girl can do the same but as women it is our responsiblity to see to it that the future of our children are secure wether it's with us or another woman who the child will call MOMMY. For bmoms you made choice and wether in your heart you felt it was right or wrong remember this you were mommy first cause you thought about what was best for your child even if it wasn't the best thing you still put your child first.

I agree you sound a little depressed a lot of mom get depressed after having a baby thear is help for that. but youall said that you have no time for your self THAT is called being a mom our children come first. you need to make time for your self you can get a baby siter and you and your boy freand can go out.. adoption is for ever i hear so manny story about girls who place thear babys in open adoption and cant see thear baby any more the aparents wont let it just rember once you sing you no longer have any rights to that child. adoption is hard on all, you all said you did not want any more children you have controll over that you need to get help befor u make give up your child

It is not that I do not think a thread discussing options is not useful. The reason I was stating this is that is was obvious that the person we were all trying to help spiritually and emotionally is not checking in. She has hopefully found the support she needs, but obiously since she has not checked in since her starting the thread, that she is not using the responses. In otherwords why waste time writing to a blamk post when there are so many women and men out there who need your insite and are regularly checking in for help and support. nina

What makes you think she is not checking in? Sorry, but I see nothing "obvious" about it; none of us have any way of knowing whether or not she's checking in, and it doesn't really matter anyway. If her problem has been resolved, with or without our help... terrific! There are hundreds of other women in her situation who I'm sure will benefit from reading about her experience, and from all the great advice she's received here. :) ~ Sharon

Dawnisha, We would love to hear what decision you reached on this. As a birthparent, I must say that adoption was a good decision for me. But I also made my desision months before my daughter was born. I do hope that your decision was made in a stable state and that you sought the assistance you needed so desperately in this time. May God bless you in this time.

My son is just over 1 month old. It was an unplanned pregnancy. I found out I was pregnant when I was about 3.5 months pregnant b/c I had continued having periods. I dumped my boyfriend 3.5 months prior and didn't want anything to do with him. He was 27 and I was 24. He was a cop, I was a paralegal. I have a 7-year old from a previous relationship and was a single mom at age 18. I didn't want to have an abortion b/c it's creepy to me and just didn't feel right. So I thought I'd keep him. I guess I was numb to it all. During my stressful times I'd consider adoption then I'd change my mind. I got everything prepared for the new baby etc. Now I've had him and somedays I just hate him and get so mad. I think part of it is the resentment I have toward the father. I had to break up with him b/c it was an emotionally unhealthy relationship and he'd cheat and solicit transexuals among other disgusting things. I've tried raising my son for a little over a month. I hate getting barfed on, urinated on (he's a boy!) and the lack of sleep. I considered having him adopted and having an open adoption and I found my friend's family. But now the father said he'd have custody of him instead. But he doesn't have normal work hours, he has a rotating shift, works graveyard, and will have day and evening care. My baby won't get the proper attention, affection, love...so now I"m soooooo sad!!! I want my baby back. I'm confused. I love my baby and miss him so much. I don't know if I can live with giving him up for adoption or having the father raise him.:confused: :confused: