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This message was originally posted by [url=http://forums.adoption.com/old_boards.php?username=steph]steph[/url].
I am a foster parent of a 7 month old boy who came to us straight from the hospital. Both biological parents have drug addictions and mental illness. His case is going toward adoption and the father has maintained that he wants to do an identified surrender of rights to my husband and I.
This is where I need some help, I am looking for any resourse to help me deal with the feelings I have for these two. I take my son to his visits so I am in contact with them every two weeks. I struggle with feeling sorry for them because they know no better and on the other hand, I feel frustrated that they have not taken any of the help offered to them.
I'm looking for advise on how to deal with this in a Christian way.
This message was originally posted by [url=http://forums.adoption.com/old_boards.php?username=jolean12]jolean12[/url].
Just know that even though you cannot understand how they can not accept the help they are being offered, doesn't mean that they don't love their son. The fact that BF is wanting to sign rights over to you shows that he knows he is unable to care for his son and wants a better life for him. Be thankful for the oppurtunity to love and care for him and give him the life he so deserves. Try to think on the side that his BP's cannot care for him so God has given you a blessing.
Good luck, I know this is very hard but for your son's sake try to take the positive side...for someday he will ask.
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This message was originally posted by [url=http://forums.adoption.com/old_boards.php?username=steph]steph[/url].
dear joelle,
thanks for the encouragement, it helps to hear from others. since first posting this, i have talked things over with a trusted loved one and a professional. i have decided that i need to remove myself from the visits. i have gotten too emotionally involved with BM, BF, and PG; because it was suggested that we meet the BF and PG in the beginning. the caseworker thought that it might put their minds at ease about the home this child was in. they asked me to sit in on visits with them and this has been the case ever since. what are your thoughts on this? i feel that to be the best mother to my son, i need to take care of myself and this is starting to feel unhealthy to me.
i believe that all suggestions are helpful.
This message was originally posted by [url=http://forums.adoption.com/old_boards.php?username=jolean12]jolean12[/url].
We also take our now 11 month old DFD to her visits and have since her birth. Her case is also moving toward adoption but if we leave her alone with BM she cries for the entire hour, so to this point we have only left her for a short while. I can understand the feelings you have because sometimes I have them too. You need to do what is best for you and for you FS. That is what is most important. Please let me know is there is anything that I can do. I truely understand.
This message was originally posted by [url=http://forums.adoption.com/old_boards.php?username=steph]steph[/url].
thanks joelle,
i really need someone who understands! i just spoke to the social worker and she too thinks it would be better for "me" to stop going. she is feally the same frustrations. what r your thoughts on who to let the bm,bf,pg know i won't be coming for now?
i am also afraid he will cry the whole hour because he does any other time i leave him.
thanks, stephanie
This message was originally posted by [url=http://forums.adoption.com/old_boards.php?username=jolean12]jolean12[/url].
If you don't feel comfortable telling them right now than let the CW tell them. You need to do what is best for your family. Hopefully, it seems, visits won't last too much longer.
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This message was originally posted by [url=http://forums.adoption.com/old_boards.php?username=Vince]Vince[/url].
Steph, this is a difficult decision for you. Once the adoption is finalized, they will probably recommend that all of you separate from the bio family for a period of time. This helps you to "stabilize" yourselves as a new family, and it helps the bios to adapt to their new life without the child.
There is no painless way out of this. It is probably in the best interest of your new son, however, that links with the old bio family be broken.
And by the way, congratulations on your upcoming adoption.