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My husband and I have prayed over how we would create our family (known infertility), and initially felt led to adopt in the typical fashion. Two years ago, when we came to the decision to adopt, we did not have the financial means (or the time) to pursue a private adoption, so we began saving, and enjoyed the time we had together.
One year after we had decided that adoption was the 'plan,' a Christian doctor friend of mine asked me if I had ever considered embryo adoption through the Snowflakes Agency... I had never heard of it. She gave me the information... Hubby and I looked over that brochure a million times, and we were so excited. We prayed, and definitely felt God's leading in this direction. We were able to start with the paperwork immediately... And had completed the homestludy, adoption education, letters, and picture portfolio within 6 months.
It has been 5 months since our file has been complete with Snowflakes, and we were matched with seven embryos... 4 from one family (we met the bio family), and 3 embryos from another family. We hope to become pregnant with either set of embryos in November, or January... or later if these embryos do not thrive.
Here's my dilemma! I love reading all the posts here... but, I hesitate to post any of my personal concerns regarding adoption because we are not pursuing the normal typical adoption. Granted, when a baby is born, we will be adoptive parents... But also birth parents... Which, puts us in a middle spot that is somewhat slippery.
I don't wish to post if this subject upsets anyone. And I don't want to post if some feel that my perspective isn't cogent (what would be the point, you know?). As of now, I have no idea how the average adopter FEELS about this, all I have are a handful of assumptions... Please be honest. I don't wish to stir the pot, especially where adoption is concerned. But boy, I have a ton of questions on adoption/identity, how you share with your child their story, cpntact with biological parents, etc.
If anyone is uncomfortable with this, I can keep reading the posts... They're fabulous in and of themselves.
Thanks to you all!
Stella
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THe questions have been answered so well already, so I'll just say what came to my heart...
Embryo adoption is not an easy process. It is not a short cut, nor is it necessarily a more efficient way of becoming a parent. By that, I mean less wait time and less expensive.
If my brain and heart were void of direction from up above, I would be adopting traditionally right now. Frozen embryos have only a 20 percent live birth rate (meaning 80 percent don't make it). Loss is inevitable in this process.
I say all that knowing that I wouldn't change a thing about our decision. We feel strongly that the Lord has led us here, and He has given us a peace about whatever comes to be. I hope that doesn't sound hokey. All I know is that forever, I have wanted to be a mom, and by all logical accounts, I should not be as calm as I am about all this... But I am... So, I attribute that to the Lord.
Embryo adoption is a wonderful thing, but it is not for the faint of heart. Please consider what the Lord is asking of you before you jump on the band wagon. I don't say that to discourage people, but to give a realistic account of what this experience is like... YOu need to be very prepared spiritually and emotionally.
Stella
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Stella,
I think carrying a donor embryo is a great idea! I found out about it recently, and thought, how neat! It's really very similar to using a donor egg or donor sperm, it's just that you'll be using both, from which God has created an embryo. And, you will carry the pregnancy and deliver your baby. You may be adopting an embryo, but you'll be delivering a baby - YOUR baby. As an L&D nurse let me tell you, when that baby is born, it will be your name that is put on the bracelets that are placed on your baby. I think this option is totally awesome.
I am a Christian single looking into adoption. I have always wanted to be a mother, and while I have prayed for years (since I was 11, as a matter of fact) for 'my' husband, the husband and children haven't happened yet. At 46, I am definitely running out of time. While I pray the husband and children will happen in that order, I am praying about whether adoption is God's plan for me. I considered the possibility of embryo adoption for myself, but research showed that the donor couples are looking for married couples. And, as a Christian, just thinking about going through a pregnancy alone/as a single woman left me uneasy. So, I had to decide that this was not God's plan for me.
I think it is a fantastic opportunity for you. Feel free to write with any OB questions! And, let us know when the baby is born!
Nancy
This is an incredibly informative and passionate thread about a still very new option of adoption! I am impressed with the content and discussion presented. Finding a "fit" for where to discuss this option where not only are you the adoptive parents, but also considered the bio/birth parents makes it difficult to discuss all the nuances this option offers in either regular PG forums or in adoption forums. You all have been gracious in your openness regarding this discussion, a topic very near and dear to my heart!
For those looking for a "safe" environment to talk this option out and learn more, [URL=http://hannahsprayer.org/board/index.php?]Hannah's Prayer Community Forums[/URL] now has a Forum specifically for Embryo Adoption/Donation in which to talk this option of adoption out and learn so much valuable information from various stages of this adoption process. You'd be most welcome to join us there!:) (It's found under their Adoption and Foster Care Forums listed).
I am an adoptive mom to a currently inutero adoptive dd. I have to agree w/ much of Stella's well-thought-out input and responses to this option of adoption. There are over 400,000 embryos in the USA alone that are in a state of limbo...in "frozen orphanages" accross our country. Choosing to give them up for science or even to not make ANY decision at all is sentencing the majority of these precious pre-born lives to death.:( My heart aches at that thought. The only life-confirming option out there outside of the couples using them themselves, is to donate them to another couple so as to provide these embies a chance at life, and another IF couple the gift of a family and experience of PG.
Stella is right that this option isn't for EVERYONE. It has its risks, as does adoption in and of itself. One of the things I have said, and will say here is this: There is something to be said to being "called to do this. This journey is not for everyone. The apprehension of loss looms in the hopefulness of an incredible gift of life. Life of a child for you...and life for an embie "in waiting." What a story to tell him/her!
I welcome questions and further discussion and input on this unique option of adoption. And also invite those interested in pursuing this option to join many of us in the process on the above mentioned forum.:)
I hadn't thought of this before. I believe the same as you that the embryos are children, life has begun. I would much rather them be adopted than destroyed (killed IMO). Praise God that you are able to carry a baby in need! I'm sure the natural loss has got to be really hard to handle. It is wonderful to serve a God who gives us peace beyond understanding when we walk the path He's laid out for us.
My one question/thought which may totally be inappropriate as this stage or on this board--are you sure you want that much involvement with the biological family? Monthly contact is hard when you are a parent IMO. I am a SAHM with two girls, another baby on the way, and am adopted. It was very open as it was in family. I personally wish it had been more closed, but that is a long story. I'm just thinking, as your family grows, you want to make your children very much feel as much a natural part of your family as possible. Too much contact might detract from that. Granted, you will be doing the contacting at first on behalf of them. I'm just projecting to as he/she/they get older. I think it's a big burden to have to get that much involved. My personal story is posted on the adoptee board (a small part of it). I hope I didn't offend you, or anyone, giving my opinion on open/semi open. It's just one opinion from someone adopted. Obviously, if my dh and I get to adopt one day (are called to it), we've made our decision based on my personal experience that it will be more private than open.
God bless you for what you're doing and take care,
Mom to two wonderful girls
Twogirls. . .
Thank you for your candid input and interest in this option! :) You pose some really great questions! In our case, we essentially have a closed adoption, though I would love some contact in the future. But alas, it doesn't appear to be something that will be. I think of our dd not knowing and all the questions that she might have regarding her genetic history, etc. She also has a genetic sister that is 4-5 yrs older than she and is an only child herself, so they might desire/wish to have some contact when they are older...??? But because of the embryos we adopted were from a couple who utilized egg donation, I only have 1/2 the history, and they probably aren't going to tell their dd anything about her origins, either. :( So it puts us in a position where we won't end up w/ any contact, likely.
You can choose the level of openness you desire with this option. I'm currently working w/ a genetic mom in hopes that we might be able to do this again. She is WONDERFUL!! She and her dh have experienced adoption from the point of having someone in their extended family adopted due to circumstances, but their relationship w/ this adoptive couple is wonderful. They chose to wait until the child was MUCH older before offering the option of "meeting." They had minimal contact otherwise. That is what they hope for w/ us. Likely we'd send some pic's or have a website accessible to be able to "watch" our child grow up and have some information. We'd keep the lines of communication open for the potential health issues that could arrise that might deem it necessary to connect for further medical history or more. Any child we would have from these adoptees has 4 siblings, so thinking of this adds to the desire for openness for them in the future, as they are all genetic siblings and deserve this option, if indeed they want to.
Again, the level of openness is up to you w/ this option. Matching is based on this and many other factors. And often I've seen couples involved in this w/ minimum contact choose to have more. I think in our current "match" we have a couple who were generous to their off spring's well being, but due to their circumstances of using donor, have opted for a "closed" adoption/donation rather than openness in lieu of likely NOT telling their dd. For us, we are going to be very open w/ our dd about our adoption, and have pulled family and very close friends into our option we chose. I cannot "live" a lie w/ this PG. The first thing couples would assume would be that she is gentically ours. She WILL be considered biologically ours upon birth, so unless we "tell" no one would know. Our telling has helped open up eyes to this option and the need of these preborn children! But I won't go out of my way to "tell" either and let our dd choose whether she "tells" and to whom as she grows up. We love her deeply already, and she still isn't in our arms. Carrying this precious baby has already bonded us to her! Being able to nurse her and have her from birth, including having the PG/birth experience w/ her, only solidifies her place in our family. She is ours...I cannot imagine focusing on her as an adoptee vs. just plain being our dd.
Hope this is helpful. Overall, the well being of our dd comes first, and that of any of our future adoptees if we are blessed to do this again. It obviously depends on who the other couple is and the arrangements made. NOTHING is in stone, so there is flexibility. If there is any threat to the security of our dd (or any adoptee), then re-evaluation of contact issues that are impacting would have to be done. Going through an agency, vs. a clinic (donation), offers you the liason to help w/ such issues. But again, if a closed option is MOST attractive to you, than going via a clinic donation process will give you this typically, as they most likely do anonymous donation. I really do encourage anyone to ask questions or discuss this option! It truly is a remarkable adoption and a life-saving alternative for these little lives that have no voice of their own.
Thanks again!:)
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Thank you so much for all the thoughtful and helpful information. I do think having genetic information is helpful. I know I was glad to get that years ago about myself. It does seem a very flexible option. I really do think it's fantastic you get to carry this child of yours and will be able to nurse it and all. I can also understand the need to tell people the truth about her origin. Just a tip, nursing isn't easy, but it is SO worth it. After those first two months, it gets so much better and you will love it :). Take good care and God bless you all!
Hello everyone.
I am new to posting here...but have been reading for over a year. My husband and I have been battling infertility and adoption for longer than that. I appreciate all the help and information exchanged through this forum. Going out on a limb with some hard questions....
We are considering embryo adoption and I would love to get some opinions and insight from those of you who seem so full of information!
(Please pardon the formality...I am a teacher....:) )
1. Why not embryo donation? Why adoption or agencies like Snowflake?
2. If I believe life begins at conception, and choose not to receive donor help because of my Biblical convictions, would accepting a donated embryo encourage a procedure I think babies need to be saved from?
3. What about the mothers health? The research I have done says that there is the possibility, no matter how remote, that the implanted mother can contract an STD, HIV, etc. from the embryo. This a topic I have a hard time getting information on because no one wants to talk about it.
4. I firmly believe that my God is one who can perform miracles, and even though the doctor tells us we will never conceive, He may decide otherwise! For my husband and I, adoption is not just about extending our family or even at all about filling our 'need' for children. It is about the children themselves, and God calling us to minister to the orphans. Embryo donation/adoption includes babies that are actually not orphans. They HAVE parents. The moral and ethically dillemma involved in this is unending!
In NO WAY have I meant to offend, and I truly hope I havent. I am desperate to find some other believers who can offer some direction and counsel. Praise God for technology to help me with this!
No offense taken! Great questions!! I'll try to answer them the best I can and would also encourage you to check out a Christian Forum specific on embryo adoption found on [URL=http://hannahsprayer.org/board/index.php?]Hannah's Prayer Community Forums[/URL] called, Embryo Adoption/Donation. You'll have to create an ID/join first, then as you scroll down their list of Forums, you'll find it under the Adoption ones.
OK. . .onto your questions:
1. Why not embryo donation? Why adoption or agencies like Snowflake?
Actually, either is an option you can consider, depending on what you are hoping for. In utilizing a donation program via, say, your RE office, you can expect it to be a "closed" adoption. . . you will not get ANY contact info. of the genetic couple nor they of you. Some couples are attracted to this form of adoption of an embryo. However, keep in mind that couples donating embryos often have had success and there are biological siblings to the embryos you are "adopting." Therefore, in lieu of this, you may desire the possibility in the future for those siblings to be aware of and if so choose, be able to meet someday. Also, in lieu of any unforeseen medical issue that could arise, having contact w/ the donating couple may be helpful as well. With an agency, like Snowflakes (and there are others developing simlar programs popping up), you have a "go between" that can help w/ any facilitation issues that could arise, including future contact should your adoptees desire to learn more about their history. They treat everything as an adoption, respecting that an embryo IS a pre-born child..not just property that can exchange hands as embryos are currently being looked at. As this option is growing in awareness and acceptance, and as hurdles are jumped in advocacy for these lives to be recognized as human vs. property, having correct process/forms, etc. related to relinquishment and adoption in place create security in doing all the right things in preparedness for having an adoptee. This includes a home study, wh/ will help equip you in raising and caring for an adoptee and all the nuances that it may hold. For the donating couple, it allows them a say in to whom will raise their pre-born off spring. The level of openness is predetermined...and can even change down the road if both couples desire it.
2. If I believe life begins at conception, and choose not to receive donor help because of my Biblical convictions, would accepting a donated embryo encourage a procedure I think babies need to be saved from?
I'm not sure if I am correctly understanding what you are asking about here. If I'm interpreting this correctly, your stating belief in NOT utilizing donor "help" is referring to utilizing donor insemination or donor egg? I don't look at that being the same as accepting a donor embryo. We are a couple who have chosen not to pursue DI due to our own moral convictions. But we look at accepting a donated embryo the same as adoption...just at an earlier stage. If anything, you are rescuing these pre-born children from the alternatives wh/ all lead to destruction: donate to science, discard, no decision--indefinitely in limbo in a "frozen state." In no way do I feel it is encouraging the production of these embryos. I'm a strong advocate in conservative IVF procedure, or looking at alternatives vs. aggressive IVF wh/ results in many access embryos that end up in a "frozen orphanage" (cryopreserved). But this problem...hundreds of thousands in cryopreservation..already exists. So what of these precious lives left in limbo? Whether via an agency or a donor program, all these lives, regardless of how they came to be (just like w/ any adoption), deserve the opportunity to live and be raised by loving, caring parents. I hope I answered this correctly. Otherwise, please ask further if I missed what you were inquiring! :)
3. What about the mothers health? The research I have done says that there is the possibility, no matter how remote, that the implanted mother can contract an STD, HIV, etc. from the embryo. This a topic I have a hard time getting information on because no one wants to talk about it.
There is screening required of both the genetic and adoptive couples that is meant to ward off this risk. This is a requirement whether utilizing adoption vs. donation.
4. I firmly believe that my God is one who can perform miracles, and even though the doctor tells us we will never conceive, He may decide otherwise! For my husband and I, adoption is not just about extending our family or even at all about filling our 'need' for children. It is about the children themselves, and God calling us to minister to the orphans. Embryo donation/adoption includes babies that are actually not orphans. They HAVE parents. The moral and ethically dillemma involved in this is unending!
Ah! No, not orphans in the same sense others who are in orphanages already born are looked at, but yet, their cryopreservation tanks have been referred to as "frozen orphanages" where their environment has to be managed by an Embryologist regularly and the agency that "holds" them have temporary custody of these little lives. Their fate rests in their parents decision...or even lack of decision. Couples like ourselves, who desire to take the risk in adopting them, are their only hope when the couple who created them has achieved their family or no longer has funds to pursue these embryos. For many of them, it is a MOST DIFFICULT decision, yet the only life affirming one available.
Please feel free to ask any questions you have. And again, you'd be most welcome on the Embryo Adoption/Donation Forum mentioned above!
Snowflake Mom
EDD of our adoptive Snowflake. . .NOV. 3!! :)
Thanks for your quick response. I have attempted to locate the community forums you speak of, but have unsuccessful opening those pages. I will continue to work on it.
My husband and I have received information from Snowflake, and considered it prayerfully. But when we got to the huge scarey waiver we had to sign saying they were not responsible for any huge illness I might contract from the embryo, my husband put his foot down and said no way! I discussed it with our doctor this morning actually. And he said that the risk is there and is obviously twice as great as receiving only a donor egg or donor sperm. He was unable to tell me anything other than that.
Here are some other questions that are haunting me...
How do you determine open or closed adoption? Domestic adoption preaches nothing but open; International adoption preaches nothing but closed. Taboo as it is in our North American culture, I am extremely uncomfortable with open adoption.
Also, in regards to embryo adoption, how do you handle that in your community? How will you explain that to your child and when? Is it no different than an 'old-fashioned' adoption?
Thanks again to those who are listening.
-a childless Mom
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It would seem that the parents of the embryo's sure make out pretty good with this route. They get a biological child, carried by another woman, yet they are still considered the bio parents and you are an adoptive mother. You gave them life. Without you, they would not have a life!
In response to amom2two:
How do you figure that the bio parents would make out so well, and that this is no "regular" adoption??? In an adoption, birthparents suffer the loss of their children, and in embryo adoption the bio parents lose the dream of birthing and raising their (bio) children - usually after going through the wringer physically, emotionally and financially thanks to the wonderful world of advanced reproductive technology which promises us it can make our dreams come true and often fails us. Is this what I dreamt of as a little girl???? The bio parents don't "get" a biological child, another couple becomes the family. Additionally, why do you make it sound like being an adoptive mother is the short end of the stick? I would want to have the option to select a family for my embie just like I would want to make the choice for my baby.. I don't understand why you feel this is so different. Plus, the embie was FIRST given life by the bio parents although yes they would have the second chance with the adoptive parents. Don't fool yourself into thinking this is a dream path that any donor couple would be "making out" to be involved with. Although there is no live baby in my arms that I am making a plan for, it is still heartwrenching to think of my children growing in another woman's womb when I wasn't able to give them that myself.
Just my .02
Originally posted by jkesmom2003
Although there is no live baby in my arms that I am making a plan for, it is still heartwrenching to think of my children growing in another woman's womb when I wasn't able to give them that myself.
My heart aches for couples in the position where they have left over embryos which they no longer can pursue whether for medical or financial reasons and yet know that they should make a decision for their off spring. I think this is a VERY tough decision, and I wouldn't begin to assume I can identify w/ all the emotions that go into this decision. The genetic mom that I am currently corresponding w/ regarding her remaining embryos isn't in a position where they didn't have success w/ their ART's. Rather, she is blessed w/ 4: a preschooler and triplets. They have 6 remaining embryos and are unable to pursue them due especially regarding her health and they feel they've completed their family. Her reason for offering "life" for her embryos is that each day she sees the faces of these embryos' brothers and sisters. She recognizes these embryos as life. How then can she possibly choose to discard them or donate them to science where they will be destroyed? She feels that her only option really is to give them the opportunity of life...via embryo adoption. But for the couple that hasn't reaped a bio child for all their efforts and investment, this would be most difficult. But again, what other life-affirming choice is there?
I know a genetic couple who pursued IVF and I believe had a couple of failed cycles, w/ the last one due to health issues. They went on to adopt a couple of children and now are considering their choices regarding their remaining embryos. It is most difficult to imagine another couple reaping their bio. child if indeed they choose to donate. They love their adoptive children, but they also realize the lives of these pre-born children needing the opportunity to be fulfilled. Right now, they are looking to pursue another cycle w/ them. . .not that they aren't content w/ their size of family, but rather, in their case, knowing they can finance it, they feel an obligation to these precious children of theirs and feel they should make an another attempt.
I guess, all this is to say, that the genetic couple, when they donate, gain the knowlege that they gave their off spring every chance at life. If the adoptive couple aren't successful, they at least have closure to this chapter in their lives and no regrets. If the adoptive couple are successful, they affirm the value of these embryos being life and again, no regrets for choosing to "end" the life(ives). But I'm sure it comes w/ bittersweet emotions, even if the genetic couple have bio. children. At the same time, having some level of openness allows them to know how their genetic children are doing at some level, and opens the door for the siblings to have a relationship in the future, if they so choose it.
It isn't my desire here to make genetic couples feel guilt or shame over such a choice...or lack of choice. That they would choose life for an embryo in "waiting" over not, even if it meant they themselves wouldn't be considered the bio. parents is inspirational and commendable. I'm in awe of this gift we are carrying. The couple that donated our dd ( and siblings) has no idea we are PG. Maybe that was a way to guard their heart in not knowing whether or not another couple reaped from their remaining embryo. They chose "closed" adoption/donation. I would love some openness... But I look at all embryos deserving of a chance at life...regardless whether via the agency/adoption route or clinic/donation route. But that is why there are options out there for couples consdering this option of adoption and for couples considering what to do w/ their remaining embryos. I would think for many donating couples, that going through an agecy at least gives them some control over "Who" would parent these offspring, just like domestic adoption here allows the birthparents to have a say in the choice. But then again, some may rather they NOT know the outcome. . .
Thanks for sharing your hearts!
Try the following link to the Hannah's Prayer Forums...it gives you background to this ministry, but in this page you'll see links that will lead you to the forums, to signing in a membership and then take you to the directory that I was trying to get you to.
[URL=http://www.hannah.org/]Hannahs Prayer.org[/URL]
Medical Concerns w/ receipt of donated embryos:
I have to say. . .this is so very minimal that I am rather surprised your physician is making such a HUGE issue of it. This has yet to be proven to ever have occurred. And again. . .there is screening required of the donating couple as well as the adoptive couple to identify such a risk. It is required, period, so this should alleviate any concerns.
How do you determine open or closed adoption? Domestic adoption preaches nothing but open; International adoption preaches nothing but closed. Taboo as it is in our North American culture, I am extremely uncomfortable with open adoption.
You know, my dh, and even myself, some, were leery of the openness issue too. As we pursued Snowflakes Adoption, we were required to do a home study. This hooked us up w/ an adoption agency to do this and we were required to take their very informative classes regarding adoption. These classes also addressed the openness issue. I think we typically hear the very scary scenarios because they're what make the news, so such stories tend to make us leery of this option. The classes were very helpful, and I would recommend, even if you choose "closed" via a clininc's donation program, to still take these free classes to learn about adoption. They were beneficial to us in preparing us to raise an adoptee. And again, you'll learn more about what openness is really all about. . .and I think you'll find many of your fears alleviated.
Also, in regards to embryo adoption, how do you handle that in your community? How will you explain that to your child and when? Is it no different than an 'old-fashioned' adoption?
Again, very good questions. . .and ones that require much thought and consideration. You'll find variance in the couples who choose this option. Some may choose to never tell anyone, including their adoptee. I struggle w/ this as I cannot imagine "living" a lie nor lying in essence to our child. Imagine if (and probability is they very well will and could these days w/ all the medical technology available) they learn of it on their own...say, via their blood type? Then what? Think of the damage to the trusting relationship between parent and child? I would rather it be known from the beginning...at the very minimum, the child knows.
Others are extremely open about it, and in so doing, have helped educate many in this wonderful option of adoption and advocating for the many pre-born children who have no voice. I have friends who've been in DC this past week, showing our leaders the faces of embryos in attempt to help educate against Embryonic Stem Cell research. Being able to place a face w/ one of these embryos, considered no bigger than a period at the end of a sentence, can help drive home the reality that these are lives w/ potential, not just potential lives....
Others choose some where in the middle. For us, we will be open w/ our dd regarding her adoption. Bringing it up long before she is able to understand, so when she starts to, the terms and words will make sense and the security of our on-going love and acceptance affirm that she is our daughter...not just an adoptee. We chose to let our families and close friends in church know, too, as again, I personally cannot live a lie. The first conclusion people will come to when they "see" me PG is that it is our bio. child. I struggle w/ that. Now, I do NOT go out of my way and tell everyone I meet. And what's interesting, though people are told, for those I know who've had their Snowflake babies, they relate that others often forget about the adoption aspect, even saying things about how the child looks like them, or even to say how they don't and marvel at it!
I think it benefits the child to be told the truth. Openness would allow them to secure more info. regarding their medical histories and any blood siblings if they choose to want to know. The classes I mentioned above will allude you to all the reasons to consider openness. Though we don't have all the info. I would love to share w/ our dd, nor the open relationship I'd hoped for, I will share w/ her what I know. She deserves that much. It's part of her identity. We will love this child...we already do...with all our hearts and stive to give her a home of security and love and acceptance w/o regard to her origin. She IS our daughter, and she is loved and accepted. The security in that alone will help her be secure in herself.
Do I know all the answers now?? Nope! It'll be a learn as you go. But I do know that out of respect and love for our dd, we need to be truthful. Of course, our explainations will be age-appropriate. But she will know she is adopted. . .but we hope that she will know first and foremost that she is wanted, loved and secured in that within our family. Above all, we are bathing all of this in prayer. Our Heavenly Father who's adopted us into His family knows our hearts and desire to welcome this one into our family as well. May He give us wisdom and discernment!
Let me know if the above link doesn't get you "in." Best wishes as you contemplate what direction you and your dh want to go! And please, feel free to keep this discussion going!
Snowflake Mom
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Hi there,
I think your questions are really good and show you are seeking God's direction, weighing all the sides. I don't have time to touch on everything, we move in two days, my typing index finger got smashed and I have two little ones underfoot...however, I really can relate to the dilemma of: if you are not sure you agree with infertility treatment (ie invitro) are you adding to the problem by adopting the babies left behind that are now a part of Snowflake? Well, my thought, as one who personally does not think I would go through IVF, but feels it is highly personal between a couple and the Lord, is that by not helping these children, (that are orphans IMO b/c just like all orphans, everyone has parents, they are just unwilling or unable to raise them themselves), you are not necessarily adding to any beneficial cause of stopping IVF. If your belief is that it is wrong (ie sin) for anyone to go through IVF, you can very much hold to that conviction. It is a separate issue entirely to rescue the products (children) of that "sin"--if you see it as such, I'm not saying I do because I don't. I'm trying to use logic that reaches where you are personally with it. I see it similar to the logic of boycotting a baby shower for an unwed mother because you are worried about condoning premarital sex. To me, that is illogical and not helpful. We show the love of Christ by being supportive, picking up the pieces for people and loving them in spite of their mistakes. Our convictions and beliefs should be known by our actions, but I think an overall lifestyle is what is effective, not taking stands on things that aren't going to reach anyone for Christ. I hope this makes sense! This is where I am, and not everyone will agree. I just look at how Jesus said if someone is hungry and in spiritual need, first feed him, then share the gospel (totally paraphrasing here). Save those abandoned embryos if God leads you in that direction first, that is the immediate need, then go voice your opposition to IVF if you are so led.
HTH some, with love,
Hi,I found this thread through a link to it from Hannah's Hope. Incidentally, if the one who tried to find the forum didn't find it . . . you have to post or reply 10 times and then all forums are available. Or something like that.Anyway, we're looking into embryo adoption as well as domestic and international, and I think we're leaning more towards embryo adoption.Stella - did you have a child through this option? Did it work?Is there a section anywhere on adoption.com for embryo adoption?I don't see it listed in the "interested in" categories on the profiles.What news is out there? Does anyone on this thread have any updates on their situations, family responses, things they'd do different, things they loved? Love,Julie