Is opean adoption an option??

October 8, 2003

I am trying to figure out if opean adoption is an opion for my husband and me.

My husband is an adoptee. He only has found his birth family in the last few months due to closed records in NC, and it was sad to find out his birth mom had passed away in 1997. Seeing his struggle with feelings over his adoption and helping him find his mother I decided I would want my child to have the option of at least knowing something about his or her birth parents. I found I had PCOS a few months before our marriage and can't have a child. We plan to adopt older children at some point, but I would love to adopt a younger child first. We had a foster son we raised from age 14 to 18 who is now out on his own.

I look at opean adoption sites, or private adoption sites. All the parent profiles make me feel that we would never be chosen by a birth mother. I am 26 and my husband is 40. He has had a spinal cord injury for 14 years and is in a wheelchair. We have been married almost four years both work in social service area. I worry that we just wont be able to compare to couples who have no disability and to be honest have much more money than we do.

I know that we will adopt one day I just wonder if I will have to give up the hope of having an opean adoption. I want to think that a birth family would look at us as people and not just demographics,,,but I am a realist also . Thought I would get some other peoples view.

Thanks

Karen

Svnup2003

October 8, 2003

Karen, I really think there is a child out there for you. You never know what will appeal to a birth mom. Instead of your husbands disability distracting it might catch a bmoms eye. Maybe she had a dad or brother that was disabled. Maybe she will see the loyalty and love you have for your husband when many people would walk away when their spouse was injured like that. etc...We have adopted 4 times. We have a some form of openness in all 4 adoptions. Our first son was a foster to adopt situation. His bparents don't see him but his paternal grandmother and aunt do a couple times a year. he is 7 now and its "normal" for him. He has lots of grandmas. My next two girls are special needs and their birthparents could see them if they wanted but they've chosen not to. My girls don't really know the difference. Our last child a baby boy now 6 months has some openess as well. We send pictures thru the adoption agency to both mom and dad who are not together. They have sent letters and pictures in return and we will keep in contact until his 18th birthday at which time I will give him his birth parents names and addresses if they choose and let him find them. I feel open ness to some degree is best because it keeps them from wondering all their lives. I wish you the best. May you find that perfect baby for you. Are you trying to adopt thru a social services agency? or a private agency? what state are you in? We've adopted twice in NY (where we live) and twice from FL. I'll help with anything I can.

faith

mama to 7

3 homegrown and

4 heartgrown..(adopted)