American Academy of Pediatrics - School Age Temperament

October 14, 2003

When categorizing temperament, we often speak about 'easy', 'difficult' or 'slow to warm up'.

The 'easy' child responds to the world in a positive way, adapts to new schools and people easily and deals with frustrating situations with relatively little anxiety. This is about 40% of children.

The 'slow to warm' child may be shy, have moderately intense moods, is hesitant making new friends and in new surroundings, and experiences anxiety when confronting new situations. It takes time for accepting new people and situations.

The 'difficult' child tends to react negatively and intensely ... beginning as a fussy baby and later being prone to temper tantrums, and being explosive, stubborn and intense. Some may have difficulty adjusting to schools and experience problems in the classroom and on the playground.

These traits are inborn and not caused by parents but may be intensified or moderated by them. It is important to distinguish a difficult temperament from other problems (such as ilnesses, emotional or physical stresses, or developmental stages such as 'the terrible twos').

What parents can do -

It is important not to blame children or ourselves - our challenge is to understand temperaments and our responses to them, and to adjust our expectations to meet our children's capabilities. When we understand that our children's temperament is inborn we can respond objectively rather than emotionally or instinctively.

When a child has a difficult temperament as a preschooler, and is met with understanding, the behavior may be modified during school age years. That intensity can become enthusiasm, determination, charm and zeal when kids feel good about themselves.

Although, for the sake of understanding this concept, we are usuing terms like 'difficult' it's important to remember not to label kids as 'bad or difficult' which only causes negative self-image and lack of self confidence.

Would love to hear of your experiences with your child's temperament and ways that you have worked with it.

Nancy

teranga

January 21, 2007

I realize the original post is years old...is there anyone even reading this board? If so..HELP!

My child, who will be 6 this week, is somewhere between Slow to Warm and Difficult. She was a colicky baby, she has always been a tougher child for me than my other 2, who are both very easy-going. We have been extremely consistent with consequences (time outs, followed by an apology, followed by hugs). We are a loving and respectful household. Although we have an adopted child, she is biological, and the oldest. She can be the sweetest child you have ever met in your life. She's got great manners, goes to bed w/no fighting it, is funny, smart, a wonderful girl. BUT she can sometimes be so mean for no obvious reason (really trying to hurt her sister's feelings...when not brought on by anything obvious). She sometimes refuses to comply with simple requests by her K teacher, which the teacher has said is not common in kids from loving homes...(guilt!guilt!). For example, the kids were all in a line. The teacher told everyone to face forward, at which point, my daughter apparently turned around so her back was to the teacher. She later "explained" that the sun was in her eyes, so she had to turn around. Nothing huge, but as the disrespect seems to be at the same, or higher, level as she turns 6, I'm concerned about where we'll be at age 12 or 13...

I also am "strong willed" and I defnitely think that part of this is b/c of our similar temperments. We had 3 kids in 3 years (2 bio, 1 adopted), and Isometimes (though not often) get so frustrated I yell. I wish I hadn't after, I apologize, but I'm human and sometimes exhausted and it has happened. We don't spank. Even though we're VERY consistent in how we handle time outs, she fights them EVERY time. It's a 1/2 hour thing just to get her to do a 5 min. time out every single time. She just doesn't back down (vs. her sister, who just does the time out and gets back to playing). Everyone told me as long as I was consistent, she'd "get" it. Her brother and sister do, but she does not give up. It's tiring, but mainly I'm just getting a little concerned here that she is disrespectful at times to her teacher, and to us...more than I see in other kids. More than my other kids....and i want to be sure she isn't out of control as she approaches the teen years. She's also aquired a new "best friend" who has been to our house (won't be again). She is INCREDIBLY rude. This is apparently the only child my daughter plays with at school and she LOVES her.

Any suggestions?? Do I spend more time with her one on one? Do I get less tolerant of her behavior and give consequences w/o a first warning to get this under control? Do I stay consistent with what we've been doing? I just don't know waht to do here!