My son is autistic and other wonderful things about him...

The suggestion about the pictures is great. I have yet to try that approach so I'll give it a shot. Elaine26

I am a 3rd grade "regular" education teacher and recently had a child with severe autism in my class. I must say that I was very apprehensive about having a non-verbal student in full inclusion. How was I supposed to teach her? Needless to say in the end I learned more form her in that one year than ANY college class could have taught.... lets just say MY education was enhanced by her. The GREATEST lesson I learned was to listen with my heart... not my ears!!!! You parents are TRULY blessed to have such special children. I would encourage all of you to step up to the plate and become an advocate for your child(ren) in the public education system. My student had many IEP's etc., but did very well within my "regular" classroom... we definitly had the overstimulated times and complete meltdowns, but all in all it was a GREAT year. Having her part of our class was a BLESSING.... hard work, but a BLESSING in deed. She also taught my other students to be more accepting of others and to be more compassionate. We learned that we are ALL special in our own way and that NO ONE is perfect or better than anyone else! Best of luck and hug your sweeties for me!

Kara.. Thanks for that post. My son has a pretty special teacher who has taken him under her wing. He will be going to his second year of preschool. He has learned so much. The important thing si that I have regular communication with teacher to ask what he is doing in class and how are they teaching him. Then we coordinate things together so what is done at school is done at home and vica versa. The IEP is a headache to me. But, I am working on one. I really do not know what I can ask for. One thing I am going to insist on is more speech with the SLP. They keep saying he is ready to talk, then give him 20 minutes per week and not always in the speech room. My goals as the mom of autistic child is to build his communication skills and how he interacts with others. I feel without this, he isn't going to learn academics. My son also has TBI (Tramatic Brain Injury). I found a program I believe it will help at: [url]http://www.handle.org[/url] They use a holistic approach. Yes, he is one special kid. I am so blessed. The 'experts' saw a child in a "world of his own". I see the brightest ray of sunshine. They saw a child who "may never speak". I see a gift that needs no words. They saw a child with "limited possibiliities". I see a child, my child who can soar past the heavens. [url]http://www.geocities.com/mom2braxton/PreciousGift.html[/url] Sarah

Kara, Thank you for the post. My son is 5 and diagnosed in the spectrum, highly functional, verbal but not up to speed to his age. He will be entering Kinder. this year - mainstreaming. I am very nervous about this. Your post gives me hope. I must say my biggest challenge is dealing with the moms who have the "normal" child. Parents who have not been exposed to autism tend to not want their children exposed.

Dolphin 1- These are just a few of the things that my student's mother did her to make the transition easier for her to make. You may want to talk to your school's diagnostion as soon as possible... BEFORE school begins if you want to try any of these things. - You may be able to request a teacher- ask for someone who has previously worked with a child who has autism... if there isn't one... as there wasn't at my school, the principal may want to ask the teachers to volunteer to teach your son. You DEFINITLY want someone willing to work with you and be particular to your son's needs. If they've never worked with autism , the teacher needs to be willing to listen to you and place herself in the role of a student... she will need to be willing to LEARN. - Request that the teacher be sent to some training for children with Autism- I attended the training about 2 weeks before school started and it was BIG help- it really helps you learn what you MAY experience- what is "normal" for a child with autism.... how they think and feel - Bring your son up to the school for 1-2 half-days before school begins in order for him to become more familiar with the teacher and the environment- let him bring in his supplies early and sit in his own desk without the other children in the room- just the teacher and aid if he will have one- it is also a good idea for him to go to the cafeteria and maybe even eat on one of those days- let everything be familiar to him without the hustle and bustle of the other children- My students mom stayed only the first little while, then let us get a feel for each other. She would come to pick her up after lunch each of the two days before school started. - You may also want to coordinate a nightly meeting for the parents at the beginning of school. We met on the Friday of the first week of school at 6:00 pm- We sent out a little note an invited all the parents. My studen't mother gave a brief introduction on Autism and then more or less opened it up as a question and answer session. You'd be suprised at how little people really know... For the most part, the school year went great... there were a FEW, and only a few parents who disapproved of the full inclusion idea... they made their concerns known to me, NEVER the family. Just remember to keep your spirits high.... your child deserves the BEST education in his least restrictive environment.... he deserves the same education that their child deserves! It's the LAW! You may meet a little resistance to some of the above stated requests form your district, and there may be some that you don't even need...depending on the temperment and disposition of your child. Keep me posted on how his school year goes- I'll be more tahn happy to help you with anything I can and his teacher can even e-mail me if she wishes.... Have a GREAT year! It'll be soooo fun! When do you begin school? We go back Aug. 25th.... I'm always ready to go back, but dread not being at home with MY baby! (He's 2) one more thing.... you were worried about the "normal" moms... well, you may have some of those, but the children ALWAYS seem so accepting and ready to learn.... some of them even go home and teach their parents. The truthis that when most moms see that their children don't have a problem with the disability... they don't either!

Kara, Thank you so much for your perspective. It is so wonderful to hear from a teacher! I so often feel like being the parent puts me on the other team so often, the parent and the school, the parent and the doctors, the parent and the community. Whew! In fact, just today I have felt like I am on the opposite team from my service providers. Sometimes I wish more people knew the devotion, dedication, heart ache and struggle that goes into parenting our children. I feel like I am fighting a struggle that has no end and am scared to death that if I stop I will loose my son. I just wish more professionals could look at a child like mine with the compasion and love that you obviously do. God bless you! (can we clone you?) I agree, being an advocate with the school system is very good advice. I learned that from the start and have been able to get my son a very well developed IEP and plan for his future. Our school even agreed to send his teachers to North Carolina for training this summer. (I have to admit, that was quite a fight but it was well worth it). My son's being in a "regular" pre-school class this year was the very best thing for him. Well, second best, having GREAT teachers made it work. That was the most important thing. he learned to model the other kids and learned so much from doign so. He made friends and overcame so many hurdles. He even learned how to draw and write. I cried when his teacher told me he wrote his name for the first time. He had never written a letter and he just wrote his name when all the other kids were doing it. Amazing! So, inclusion? I am sold! However, may I reiterate, the teacher is the key. A great teacher can make inclusion great. The other tips, fantastic! And as for the other parents? My son was never invited to a birthday party. Not one. And there were 20 kids in the class. We had two parties this year, a birthday party and an easter party. Some kids came to them, most didn't, but they all were invited. And never a birthday party in kind. Broke my heart! But, he is a strong kid, thank God, and we are pushing on. this year, we are goign to still have parties. But we are going to make closer relationships to a few kids and have some great parties and invite them. If he never is invited to a birthday party, that's ok. We will party higher on our own. What is the hardest part? Realizing that our world is just simply different. My son's life is different. It can be harder, toughter, and in my opinion, in some ways better. And my life as a mom is definately different. I look at the soccer moms, without a care in the world, complaining about thier botched manacure on their cell phone and I gasp. I don't know if i am jelous, having not showed in 2 days, or if i feel pitty, that their lives are so plain. But one thing I know. While my life is hard, while I am tired and my son is amazing...I wouldn't change it for the world. Well, I would take away some of his challenges. But thats it. Good luck in the next school year!

Thanks so much! I KNOW your job as a parent isn't as easy as some, but fight the good fight.... be strong and diligent.... inclusion works!!!! Stormy.... don't fret over the birthday parties... after several years within the same school, people will learn your child and more about his disability, and usually become more open. My student started her second year in first grade at our school... I taught her in the third grade. In just that amount of time, she was just another one of the kids. She was non-verbal, but I had a signlanguage book in my room and the kids would use it to talk with her. She also had a select few girlfriends that would go with her to the restroom and help her with her clothing etc... they did it because they truly liked her... they were her friends. In fact, some parents would request that their child be in the same room with her from year to year. ( I know it's unusual, but our school allows parents to request their child's teacher) I know she wasn't that well accepted in the first grade.... just give it some time... I know that is much easier said than done when you are on the other side of the fence, but stand strong! God Bless You ALL!

Thanks for your input Kara J. It's wonderful to hear a teachers perspective. I've been trying to get my (almost) 6 year old son (who has moderate to sever autism) into a "regular" classroom for 2 years now. He has severe language delay and alot of "fits" as my Granny calls them. Generally when he is having a good day he is the sweetest and most loving child you could ever want to meet. Our local school system is lacking, to be nice, when it comes to special needs children. They have yet to place him in an appropriate classroom, with trained teachers, and have only offered a class for kids with behavorial disorders. In that classroom there were 2 3rd graders already expelled for the year for violently fighting with the teachers and other kids. The class also had a padded room to restrain them until help could arrive! Why it was ever even considered as a fitting class I don't know. They told us they "didn't have anywhere else to put him" and if we "insisted" on placing him in a classroom then we would "just have to wait" until one was available if we weren't satisfied with that one! It's almost like they don't understand that my sons "meltdowns" are not because he is a badly behaved child. He loves other kids and seems to do most of his learning when surrounded by them. We have hired a lawyer and it looks like my son will suffer another year with no classroom while we homeschool. My husband has been a stay at home dad since we found that there was no one we really trusted to keep our son while we worked. So, granted that's a bonus to have his Daddy with him, but it still limits his child to child interaction that he so needs. Last year was not too bad since our state does not require that you place you kids in school until the age of 6, and honestly last year I don't think he would have been ready. I just find it ridiculious that they practically tried to force him into school last year making us feel like bad parents because we would not turm him over to them (mainly because they weren't even close to being qualified to teach him) & now they are telling us that we don't register him in school this year or provide proof of homeschooling then they will sick their lawyers on us.....outrageous!!!!!!! The special ed teachers seem to be almost afraid of him. There are only 2 teachers in the system that understand autism ( I had to explain it to his in-home special ed teacher & his speech therapist) and they already have 1 child each to teach and won't put more than 1 autistic child in each classroom. So bascically other kids get the help they need while my son is left behind. It's heartbreaking as a parent to watch while your child is ignored. Of course, with our new lawyer, it shouldn't be long now till they stand up and take real notice of him. We also believe that we are pushed to the side because we were young when our son entered into the system....so I assume they thought they could push us around. We don't also don't have the "community status" that the parents of the other autistic kids in the system have. Basically.......we are not rich like them! Of course, this is just an opinion we have formed over almost 3 years of dealing with these people talkng down to us like we are idiots. I have to admit that hearing your story made me a little less aprehensive about public school. It is sooooooo nice & comforting to hear that there are teachers out there who would appreciate my son for the person his is and not just look at his autism. I guess mt biggest ? to you is ~ Is it a common practice not to put 2 or more autistic children in the same classroom? I get the theory that they could possibly learn other autistic behaviors from those kids, behaviors that he may not present personally. I have also been told that it's hard for a teacher to handle more than one autistic child at the same time....understandable......but isn't that what teachers aides are for? I feel like we are getting the run around while my little man is the one who really suffers. Granted he has alot of contact with other kids through playgroups & special therapies but I don't feel it's as much interaction as he would get in a classroom. Any input or suggestions that you have are really appreciated. Thanks again for repying to these posts! Elaine26 Mom to Dylan (6 next month)

Elaine, I hope you don't mind my interjecting some advice. I know your questions were of Kara. But I have become a Parent Advocate and have been where you are going. And I think I can give you some advice and direction. 1st thing I advise of parents is to read IDEA. The federal regulations that detail what schools are and are not required to do. Keep in mind, what is written in law still is intepreted. So your understanding may be different then the schools then the judges. But knowing that law is so important. 2nd thing I advise families to do is nurture their relationship with the school. I know, that doesn't seem right. Many parents want to force the schools to do what it says in IDEA. And you can still do that, but don't go to the school and the school system angry. Bring them cookies and ask to see their classroom. Donate a book to the library and ask to talk to the counselor. If you have started out with barrells loaded (like I did) it's ok, you can still go back and make things better. (This is what I did to repair the mess I made from my being emotional rather than tactful) Go to the teachers, principal, director, anyone and be sweet as sugar. Ask how you can help, allow them to guide the discusion. Listen a lot. I have found in our school system the people I deal with want to educate me. At first I was offended, they didn't even know my child and I had not only professional background that matched theirs, but now lots of experience. But I have learned that they need to teach me, not that I learn anything. But they need to feel like I respect them. And I do have to respect them. Deep down I have to feel like their heart is in the right place, but maybe this is new to them, but I have to believe they want to do what is right too. So, do what you can to nurture the relationship with the school. Let your lawyer be the bad guy. You be the sweet angel who doesn't know what a pain in the neck that lawyer you hired is. 3rd Do some research and read some good books to help you in your journey. My favorite book is From Emotions to Advocacy by Pete and Pam Wright. I have met them and done their advocacy training and have to admit I think they are right on the money. In fact, I used PEte's tactics when I entered a 6 hour mediation with the school. Just me... and their lawyer, assistant superintendent, director of special ed, supervisor of special ed, principal, teacher, special ed teacher, speech therapist and administrative law judge. We had a lawyer but she couldn't stay more than 3 hours...my father who is a minister and former school administrator had to leave after 3 hours and my husband had to go back to work. So it was long, and mediation was successful and we left there with an agreement for the school to get specialty training for my son's teachers, inclusive setting, more speech and even more. I gave up social skills training for him at this time and some other minor items. 4th Know your rights to formal complaint, mediation and due process. I have used these avenues myself and found them to be very effective and benifitial to getting to where we wanted to be. 5th Lawyers...a good special education lawyer is worth their weight in gold. But keep in mind that you will still be on the front line. They are just your backup. 6th have faith. Many parents have gone where you want to go. Some of us are the trail blazers in our local school system. Our school system didn't have a program developed and planned to meet the needs of chidlren with autism. After a year of hard work on my part and theirs, they are starting that now. But it is possible, but know it is work. Many times i felt beaten and wanted to give up. Just know it is possible and find support in others who have done it too. And you mentioned the financial side of this. I too felt so at a disadvantage because we are a low income family. I can't work because of my children's needs and so my husband works. And his job pays a very low salary. So we were able to find a lawyer who worked for us pro bono. It took a lot of calls and talking to a lot of people as well as patience. But in the end an angel fell from the sky. Until then, I became a trained advocate and made my job working on behalf of my son! I was determined to prove that parents who have lower incomes can win in this system too. It is harder, I will admit. They tried to bully us and they did sick their lawyer on us in that he came to 4 of the 7 IEP meetings we had in 9 months. But we won because we vowed to our son to never give up on him. Stay strong and if you need support PM me and I will send you my e-mail. GOOD LUCK!!!

Stormy, Thanks for the advice, it never hurts to have opinions from people who have been where I am. Honestly, it's talking to other parents that gives me alot of strength to know that even though it's a hard situation it's not an impossible one. Sometimes that "impossible" feeling can be overwhelming as I'm sure you understand. Yeah I have kinda gone in fists first & angry. I guess all this time with no result is getting to me and frustration is setting in. I agree that it seems that the majority of the therapists & teachers are good people & that they probably struggle with the system as much as I do. I know that our small town does not really have the money to draw in a good teacher and that they have tried. At least to some extent. It never crossed my mind that teachers want to teach....... I can make them feel like they are in charge and probably get better results with sugar than vinegar so to speak. I'm in real estate sales & my husband always says that I could sell an air conditioner to an eskimo if I put my mind to it. I'm gonna have to start using those skills to my advantage. Why didn't I ever consider that before? Anger can be stronger than logic when it comes to my little man. I tend to get angry quickly when someone tells me that he can't have what he deserves. I need to learn to calm down a little when it comes to this. What can I hurt? I've gotten nowhere being mad. Our lawyer specializes in childrens rights, especially when it comes to the school systems. We think we found a really good one, which in itsself was no easy task. The wait was worth it though. Where can I find more information on IDEA? Up until now I have focused mainly on the No Child Left Behind Act. I don't even think I've ever heard of IDEA before, but it sounds like something I NEED to look into. How did you get started as an advocate? I obviously am to some extent being a parent, but you really know your stuff. I laughed with my husband earlier today because I originally posted on this site to attempt to find my bmom, but have gotten a wealth of information that I wasn't even looking for here about my son. Blessings come when you expect them the least I suppose. Thanks again for all your help & please don't ever feel like you would be stepping on my toes by offering advice. I really do appreciate it. Elaine

Hi Elaine! Stormie really gave you some GREAT advice. People within the school ditricts really begin to listen when you are cool, calm, collected and KNOW the law... in fact, it's pretty scarry to them because lots of administrators are familiar with them, but don't KNOW them. On their behalf, there are so many laws that it would be very hard to know them all, and deal with the day to day goings on within the school. I feel that you did the right thing to hire a lawyer... that is another thing that really helps them to listen. Don't get me wrong, I am in no way downing the districts, but I feel that it's time they put the children FIRST.... that was the sole purpose of my education. I want to be with the kids and I want ALL of them to have what they deserve.... Lets face it, the districts always find the money to purchase new football uniforms and equiptment... it's about time they spend some of that money in the elementary schools and on what our "special needs" kids NEED.... didn't mean to rant ...lol... I LOVE my school... they are soooo child oriented and that's why I'm there.... the children and their needs ALWAYS come first.... I just know what a headache some of the other schools are... even some of the schools within my district.... (I teach in Texas and in a district with 3 elementary schools) To answer your question about more than one child with autism within a classroom... I don't know what the law states about that, but as a teacher it would be virtually impossible to give all that students what they need and deserve with more than one. In my situation, I had 15 "regular ed" students, 1 child with autism, and 4 "special ed" students who were in and out of my classroom at different times durring the day. True, "A" had a full time aide, but her job was to assist "A", not teach her. I had to have several lesson plans, because "A" was actually functioning on a 1st grade level within the 3rd grade classroom, and I teach ALL of my students science and social studies reguardless of regular ed or special ed. As you can tell, I had students performing from a 1st grade level through about the 4th grade level. We did LOTS of multi-tasking and group interaction. I could get my students busy working in cooperative learning groups on a lesson we just completed, then work with "A" one- on- one. Afer I finished her lesson, her aide would help her work on her task within her learning group, while I went back to the whole class instruction. "A" was always part of a cooperative learning group, and was never singled out, but her intructions had to be given differently... lots in sign and short steps. I also had to make sure she was looking straight at me or she would NEVER understand. You guys KBOW how har that is sometimes! More than anything else, her mother really wanted her to work on her socialization. She ued a weighted lap pad while at her desk, a bean bag for reading time when she would begin to get frutrated with us...lol... and we even had a small trampoline in my room for her. It was GREAT... even when she would have a meltdown it never really seemed to bother the other children... they just understood... that was "A". Having these things readily available and within the classroom allowed her to remain with us and for us to work on her socialization. I don't see where a padded room all the time for your son is necessary. I know that some "fits" are terrible, but were these types of items offered to him within his classroom? Of course, once you know your child, you know when things are going to get really bad... I feel that having these things allowed us to bypass many meltdowns... of course, there were still some that were unavoidable! That's when the room where he would be isolated would come in handy. We had a room for "A" that had things she really enjoyed in it. Her aide would bring her in there when she was having a BAD meltdown and let her watch her favorite movie or read her favorite book in the dark... it usualy always worked for her unless she was in pain and couldn't express it.... Just depends on your child and what works for him... that's where it is up to you to tell his teacher what works... if not it may take half of the year for her to figure it out... been there, too! After all the rambling, I guess hopefully now you can see why it would be soooo hard to teach more than one child with autism at a time... probably not impossible, but difficult. I just have a hang- up and feel that I must alwys give 150 percent... there is NO WAY I would feel adequate enough to do it!

Yeah , that makes alot of sense. I can see where it really wouldn't be fair to the teacher, the child, or the other kids in the class. I definately don't want to make things harder for anyone. I just want to see my son get a learning environment that he deserves without taking away from the other kids in the class. As far as the school offering a seperate room where Dylan could go during meltdowns....NEVER. They have never even offered a classroom, with the exception of the one that I mentioned in a previous post. I really like the idea of having some of his favorite things with him in the room (if we ever get one). I know it sounds like I'm missing such obvious answers. I suppose it's because I've spent so much time fighting to get him in school that I haven't really thought about what to do once he's actually there. Sounds silly huh? How long have you been teaching? I ask because you really seem to love wht you do. The only time I have talked to such an optimistic teacher she was less than a year out of school. Typically I love dealing with spanking new teachers beacuse they are ready to do anything. I tend to find a sarcastic or know it all attitude from older teachers. Almost like they are thinking "what do you know about teaching a child". I hate to make it sound like I have such a problem with the system. I count my lucky stars all the time that I live in a country where I can fight for my son and challenge the system without penalty (other than frustration..lol). Also.....STORMY....in case you read this I may have a little advice for you. My son's therapsit suggested something wonderful the other day to get Dylan into unfamiliar places. It's kind of a long process but I think it's a great idea that could work in just about any place. I'll use my example for when Dylan is ready for school. You make several trips to the place with your child in the car. The first time you just drive by saying something like WOW as you go by. Next time stop briefly by the front door saying WOW again. Next time park & walk to the front door but don't go inside (unless your child wants to). Next time just walk in the front door and don't try to push the amount of time spent, let the child decide what they are comfy with. You can see how the process works. My son's therapist says this lets them see that there is no reason to be afraid and you have made a new place fun for them. She says eventually he should understand that new places are nothing to be afraid of. With school she suggested that when stopping by the front door that we have his teachers meet us there and say hello to him and make him more familiar with them a little at a time. She even said that when walking him to the front door that it would be a good idea to let the teachers do it if possible. That would slowly introduce them to him as an authority figure who he can trust when his mom & dad aren't around. KARA ~ this could probably be used inyour school as well to help kids adjust. Thanks again everyone for your replies. Every little suggestion makes a difference. Elaine

Hi Elaine! Thanks for the advice on getting the children familiar with school... I'll give the tip to the diagostition. As far as my teaching career, I will begin my 7th year in August. I'm not new to this... just an old softy! lol

I have a problem not related to autism. Doctors do not want to diagnose a problem because then help could be obtained. I have even been refused to be seen because if the diagnosis led to disability the doctor did not want to treat another social security case. I am not sure what is causing the problem in the United States but I have my guesses. It has to do with all social security money being used for everything but social security. It could also be greed that social security will not pay the profession enough during the lifetime of the patient once they are on Social Security with a life time problem.

Hi,I have a friend with autism who I went to respite with for 4 years and had such a awsome time with him!!! I am now thinking of adopting a child with autism!!! and I loved your post! do you have any advice as far as the parenting skills go? Thank you.