Domestic vs. International Adoption...Help!

I recently completed an International adoption. So, I could give you a little insight as to why I went that way. I'm single, that made domestic adoption a longshot in most situations. At best, it would probably be a very long frustrating wait for me. I'm 39, I didn't want to wait a long time to be a family. Going International has its own nuances. 1. Every country has it's own requirements. They are not the same across the board. For me that left several countries out, Korea for example. 2. Every agency has their own requirements. Be sure to check if a requirement is a country requirement or an agency requirement. 3. Travel. Some countries require 2 trips. How long do you have to stay in country? Some countries require 2-3 weeks. I was gone 4 1/2 days for each of my 2 trips. 4. Court. Some countries require you to go to court. You can be denied. Some countries do not require you go. I did not go. My adoption was actually completed 2 month BEFORE I was able to pick up my son. 5. Cost. They can vary widely from country to country, agency to agency. Ask up front what kind of 'gifts' are expected at each visit? It could be something simple for caregivers and directors, or it could me big, such as cash and medical supplies. If you are using every penny to pay for your adoption fees (as I did) you don't want to find out that you are expected to pay out a ton of money on gifts that you didn't expect. My agency told me that an expensive gift would be inappropriate. That I should get good perfume or cologne for the director and a couple bath sets for caregivers and t-shirts, hats sort of stuff for my translator and drivers and such. I spent maybe $100 - $150 ish. I was also told to bring candy for the children on my first visit and we stopped and bought cakes for the children who would be staying behind on my second trip. However, I have a friend who adopted from another country, another agency and spent an awful lot more. They were give a list of medical supplies. And told to by 3-4 caregiver gifts, director gifts, gifts for judges, in addition to a monetary donation and gifts for translators and drivers. So this is very important to know. It can creep up on you at the very end and leave you quite strapped. Feel free to contact me directly with any questions. Just pm me. Kel

Where do you live in PA? We are a large family in Western PA who have adopted three times from India. We also have two bio sons. We tried for many years to adopt in PA and finally out of frustration went international. Things in PA though have changed for the better so domestic adoption might not be as hard now as it was then. We were very open to taking an older child and definately open to any race and a whole host of special needs. Our problem...we did not want to foster first. So international worked well for us. I have made it somewhat a hobby of mine to continue research into low-cost adoption, special needs adoption and grants. If you would like to contact me..please feel free to do so. I wish you all the best...Karen gkasche@usachoice.net

If it's important to you to have a newborn then that lets you out of most international adoptions -- typically children are at least 6 months old (we adopted from India and our daughter came home at 18 months). If it's important to you to have a child that is of the same race or ethnicity, then your international options are limited to certain countries. For us, the advantage of having a set timeline instead of waiting to be chosen was a big factor in choosing to adopt internationally. We liked the idea of adopting a child who already needed a family. Like you, we were uncomfortable with open adoption, primarily because we didn't want to promise an ongoing relationship with an adult we didn't know. Reading these boards has helped me understand the various nuances of domestic adoptions, although I still don't think I have the intenstinal fortitude to wait to be chosen. In the end, it's a matter of what your priorities are and everyone is different.

Perusing the very slow boards. . . not a PA parent. It is indeed easy to go out of your mind when embarking on this journey; there is so much information via the internet. It was important for us to adopt here at home; however, like spaypets, we liked the idea of adopting a baby who already needed a home, which often calls one to international adoption. As she told you, countries vary, but an international newborn adoption is almost unheard of. While the wait to adopt domestically and to be "chosen" can be very very difficult, it is not lengthy for all. Much of the wait has to do with your family demographic - age, residence, child status and even more to do with the limitations or expectations you set. I highly recommend The Adoption Option; it gives agency information by state such as licensing, placements, litigation and specialty. Best of luck.

Thank you everyone for being so helpful. My husband and I would love to have a baby, our child does not have to be a newborn, but we would love to adopt a child under two years if possible. It sounds as though a lot of people have gone with international adoption, and we appreciate the information that we have received so far. When looking at international adoption, we have been focusing our thoughts on Asian countries, Middle Eastern countries and Eastern Europe. Any thoughts? Also, any Homestudy recommedations? Gina

Gina, There are many factors that go into a decision on how to pursue an adoption plan. Please keep in mind that there is no one 'best way', only the best way for you. When people ask me 'which way?' I always recommend they ask themselves these questions: 1. How important is it that your child share your ethnic heritage? 2. How important is it that your child come to you as a newborn? 3. How much are you comfortable spending in fees? 4. How comfortable, willing or able are you to travel with little or no notice? 5. How confident are you in parenting a child who may have been subjected to abuse, neglect or institutionalization, known or unknown at time of placement? 6. How comfortable are you talking with others about your interests, hobbies, values? There is no 'risk free' way to become a parent, including biologically. I think the best way to approach is to understand the risks and decide which ones you're prepared to manage and which you can't handle. Each path also has tremendous benefits. International adoption carries risks associated with travel, risks associated with bureacuracy, risks associated with finances, risks associated with neglect or abuse or institutionalization, risks associated with medical care, risks associated with prenatal care, risks associated with unknown medical/biological history. Domestic parental placement carries risks associated with travel (sometimes), risks associated with finances, risks associated with prenatal care, risks associated with biological parents' choosing to parent. Waiting child/foster care carries risks associated with travel (sometimes), risks associated with bureacracy, risks associated with neglect or abuse, risks assocaited with prenatal care (sometimes). If this helps, we're the parents through domestic parental placement of our son Ryan. Best of luck, Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

I brought my son home from Bulgaria in July. The orphanage he was in was fairly good. He doesn't show too many delays considering he spend 2 years in the orphange. But Bulgaria doesn't place Internationally until the age of 12 months. However, they have just put new laws into place and this may change.

Many agencies will perform a homestudy without your using their other services, especially if you have chosen an out of state agency; homestudy must be performed locally. However, you must determine your route prior to study, as it will dictate the criteria for the Social Worker. I know nothing of Eastern European countries. Of course, China and Korea have stable programs; Vietnam and Cambodia previously halted adoptions but I believe have reinstated programs. Children are generally between 6 months to one year. Thailand, almost exclusively, places for adoption only "special needs" and older children; their process is very very slow. India has stable programs, but I understand it has become more difficult for non Indian Americans. Islamic nations, such as Saudi Arabia, Iran, Iraq, etc. do not permit adoption; however, North African regions, such as Ethiopia have stable programs. Certain Central and South American regions have stable programs as well. When you adopt internationally, you become a transcultural family and often a transracial family. There are many considerations, such as the diversity of your community, your familial acceptance, incorporation of new culture into your life and required travel for that country; some permit an escort to the states. It is often best to investigate a country and many reasons for abandonment, age of referrals, country requirements, staff:child ratio and conditions of orphange and then choose based on what is most important to you. You are not limited to an agency in your geographical region; I would choose one with a long standing successful program with the government of your choice. Best of luck.