How much do you talk about Open Adoption

"The few women I have talked with have stated that they want no contact. My husband recommends that I don't talk about my desires about open adoption, but rather let it come." ~enerad If open adoption is important to you, I would keep looking until you find a pbirthmom whose expectations parallel yours; there are, obviously, potential birthmoms who prefer closed adoptions. I think, if these women you've spoken to are telling you they are not interested in open adoption, then there's no reason to assume they will later change their minds. There are many pbirthmoms who DO want open adoptions; who insist that their adoptions be open, who will settle for nothing less than a fully open adoption. They feel, as you seem to, that open adoption is in the best interest of the child. Perhaps you should keep looking until you find a pbmom who feels this way. I don't know if this is realistic or not; maybe you've already waited a long time to be matched and can't afford to wait any longer. But, if open adoption is a priority for you, I would recommend waiting until you find a good match, not keeping silent about your wishes and hoping that the pbmoms who want closed adoptions will somehow change their minds. There truly are pbmoms out there who will understand, appreciate, and share your desire for an open adoption. Your wishes in this are important too, and I think your husband is mistaken in advising you to keep quiet about them. Best of luck to you! ~Sharon :)

I'm curious, the women that have told you they want "no contact" ~ do they give a reason why? It's been portrayed in many posts that if an aparent wants a closed adoption that they might as well adopt internationally as bioMoms today would never want a closed adoption. According to the social worker at my agency, this isn't true but it is the first time I've seen this posted. I would like to know the reasons given. Thanks. BTW ~ I am an adoptee that was in a closed adoption. I agree with you that growing up and knowing one is adopted is indeed best for the child. You don't need an open adoption to be honest with your child about them joining your family through adoption. I can't remember NOT knowing I was adopted. It has never been a problem for me at all. :)

No, they didn't give specific reasons why. One wanted to meet ahead of time but, wanted no contact afterwards, and but as we talked, said.... well at 18 if they want to get ahold me they could. I thought that was interesting. The other sounded like she was in a not good relationship, I wondered if that had anything to do with it. All of these situations were one phone call. My husband thought perhaps my being too open about open adoption was perhaps why they didn't call back when they said they would. I take that as they are in a tough decision making time, and were both early in pregnancy and were just seeking adoption

oops! didn't finish. Seeking adoption information. My close friend feels that my husband should answer the adoption line. A male voice might be better, and he might be a better first contact. What do other think? Who should answer the phone a female or male voice?

Absolutely be ready & willing to discuss your desire for continued contact post-placement. We desired a fully open integrated adoption, most everyone told me that would be hard to find. We did, it's working well, and we're *so* glad that we could connect with birth parents who wanted the same thing for our son as we did! Having said that, the next question is 'when should this come up?'. I recommend that you first get to know each other a little bit, then discuss level of openness. When someone calls for the first time, they're likely confused, terrified, ashamed, and not always sure of their adoption thoughts. Let the first call be about getting to know each other, and helping her to understand that you don't think badly of her for considering a placement. Focus on her, her interests, likes and dislikes, etc. If she brings up contact in the first call, discuss it. If not, then wait for call #2 or 3 or first meeting. Many 'first calls' don't ever turn into second or third calls regardless. As to 'who answers the phone' I think a female should answer whenever possible. It's easier for a scared, unsure woman to speak to another woman than to a man, IMHO. Hang in there, Regina, AMom to Ryan Joshua Thomas

I wanted an open adoption with my bchild... And I only looked for couples who themselves spoke of exactly what they were willing to give in terms of openess. However, I would definatley advise you to be open and honest about your desires for an open adoption. While many bmoms are looking for that now a days, some are in all honesty aren't and it would be wrong to form an attachment and then have to be heartbroken because what you what and what she wants doesn't match. Best of luck :)