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We are currently in the process of adopting a baby from Guatemala, and are planning our next adoption, and I was hoping to have you folks weigh in on some questions.
We live in an area of Minnesota where there are very few African Americans. I would go so far as to say extrememly few. The few that I know are children who have been adopted by caucasian parents.
We're considering bi-racial adoption. We have a bi-racial nephew (birth momcaucasian, birth father african american), who has been accepted wonderfully by our extended family. There's never been any hint of anything stupid being said. He lives in the Twin Cities though, and it is far more diverse there.
Here is my question for you folks. What do you think of adopting a child in an area that is so overwhelmingly homogenous? Would it be hard for him/her? I have a friend who adopted 2 kids from Haiti 18 years ago(they are 20 now), and they had an awful time. They couldn't wait to move as far away as possible so there would be someone who "looked" like them.
What are your thoughts? I really would appreciate your advice and experience.
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We have adopted many times. Of the six children we have, two are Asian, one is AA and the other is CC/with possibly Native American....
We live in an immediate area that has few bi-racial or full racial people w/in it. Within twenty miles, are two towns with colleges. While we live in the country and have no other 'other than CC' kids around us, we make the effort to expose the kids to the 'college town'. We go to church there, shop there, go to the library, etc. We just make the extra effort.
If your family is completely accepting....this is a huge plus. I understand your concern when thinking back on your nephews; but were there other factors as well, that might have determined their attitudes?
Over the years (two of the kids are grown and on their own now), the kids did run into 'some' problems.....but not very many. They feel it wasn't a big thing. I believe the most important thing to remember is that the politically correct folks would tell us that to bring a child of color into a basically 'all white neighborhood' is horrid. However, I've had others who have said that they believe the differences our kids have encountered, will make them stronger and more understanding of 'what the world may bring to them'.
I'm not saying anyone should 'deliberately expose their kids to ignorance and verbal abuse'. What I am saying is, if your family is loving, if you are willing to 'go that extra mile' to expose your child to others like him/her. If you respect that difference, and realize that 'their difference' will change who 'you' are forever (because you'll never be viewed as a 'white family again')...then you'll be alright.
And, remember, just because you don't adopt a bi-racial child for the reasons you're concerned about, is no guarantee that the same child will be adopted into a home where there is cultural identity.
Let your heart guide you.......but realize it will take extra effort.
Hope this helps....
Sincerely,
Linny
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Yep to everything Linny said. The effort is very important. We also live in a rural area that is not very diverse (this is improving, thank goodness), and have not had any 'overt' problems (I realize I don't know what is said later...). Our eyes continue to be opened to on-going issues in our culture for minorities...so we also try to be aware of these and when its appropriate we'll educate our kids.
But we do what we can to honor our sons heritage (they are AA) in our home (careful choice of books, art, music, etc), as well as reaching out beyond our community. We go to the "big city" and talk quietly about how awesome it is to see so many beautiful brown faces...this may sound wierd, but it has opened the door to our kids expressing any questions they have about "fitting in" where we live. We attend a church where there are a lot of adopted kids. We are developing friendship with an AA couple in our area.
More is being written all the time about transracial adoption, much of it is VERY honest in its exploration of how the adoptees feel about their upbringing. The value of parents making a genuine effort to honor and embrace the culture of their children (and making experiences and relationships with people who share their ethnicity available) is mentioned over and over. I'd suggest searching out some of these books. Also, start asking around (I called DCFS and they even had a "support group") about others who have adopted transracially, etc. You may be surprised. If you attend church, see if you can find one that is at least somewhat diverse.
The fact is, your child IS likely to encounter difficulty in the area in which you live...and is likely to feel very different sometimes (ie, our son feels much more comfortable in our small church, than in a larger one we visited where he felt like he stuck out). I'm not convinced, though, that this will necessarily be more severe than trouble encountered in a more diverse area. This is a can of worms, but our experience has been that we get more "sideways looks" in the city than we do up here with the country folk... my impression is that cities *tend* to be more "political" and perhaps this is why??? Its just been our experience. Potential difficulty is not necessarily a reason to be dissuaded, but a very important reason to be educated, aware and prepared!
This is still controvercial...but my feeling is that a kids' *greatest* need is a loving family. Part of loving your child will be in how you honor their heritage as part of your family. I know you'll do great! You're watching out for your little one already!!!