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I've been a lurker on this forum for awhile and have enjoyed reading some of the stories, and finally I have one of my own to post.
I was adopted at 1 week old and have wanted to find my bio parents for a long time. 2 weeks ago I finally got information that was believed to be my bio father. So I called and spoke to his current wife(not my mother). So we talked for about 3 hours and it was wonderful! The very first thing she said after I told her who I am was "we've been wanting to find you for a long time but had no information on what your name was or where you were." So that pretty much melted me and we talked all about my father and everything and while we were talking I emailed her a picture of myself and she told me after seeing that picture that there's no doubt I'm his son. Turns out we do look a LOT alike and are built the same.
So the very next day he called me and we talked for about 5 hours straight on the phone. Unfortunately we don't live real close to each other so the actual meeting will have to be planned out since it will require flight. I got welcomed by both of them and they have accepted me and it feels wonderful! I also found out that I've got 4 little sisters and the 2 oldest knew about me and wanted to find me as well, and all 4 are extremely excited about this.
He gave me some contact information for my bio mother so I will be in touch with her this week I believe, and he thinks she'll be glad to hear from me.
It feels a little weird talking to him and knowing he's my father but its great at the same time. Suddenly all the weird things I do make sense, whereas before they were unexplainable to me. We're kind of walking the fine line between father-son and best friends right now but he's so excited that I can't tell who is happier right now. He said that ever since I was gone he's thought about me every single day and he's felt a lot of guilt but now that I'm found the guilt is melting away. Its indescribable to finally be able to start knowing my biological family and learn about them as they learn about me.
I'll post some bio mother information when I have something to post about it. In the meantime, thank you for reading this post, I just had to share! Maybe it will help to give some other people some hope and encouragement in their searches too.
Bierk
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Back with another update.
Yes, someone picked up on the fact that I'm male, and have been searching dutifully for my parentals. I've been highly curious for a long time and once I finally got some contact information, it was actually pretty hard to work up courage enough to call, but I just decided to take the leap and do it.
I found out this morning that my maternal grandmother broke the news to my mother yesterday, and she described the response as 'stunned, and hardly able to talk' so that wasn't encouraging, but I can't say it was discouraging either. I'm not feeling put off or anything, so no worries there. I understand its bringing back a tough time in her life so I have no problem allowing her time to come to terms with the fact that I've surfaced.
Someone asked about the aparents, and I'll address that one. I have only told one of them, my amother. She's a dear, sweet lady, and I knew she'd take it better than anyone else, and plus I'm far from close to the afather or abrother. I asked her to keep it to herself for the time being and she's honored my wishes. She of course asked a million and one questions because she was curious herself. But after I told her she called me the next day and told me she felt twinges of jealousy that now she'll have to be sharing me, but she is over that now and understands that she hasn't been replaced, rather I've just made additions to my family. I'm not sure about telling the afather about it since he and I have never gotten along that well since he was a pretty poor excuse for a father and never did anything with either me or his own bio son. Anyway...
Things are going very well, and my little twin sisters are having a birthday soon so my current girlfriend and I are going to go present shopping for them next week and I'm pretty sure what type of stuff we'll be getting them.
All in all though, things are looking good and positive, and I speak to my father every single day, even if its just for a short time. Its hard to describe how it is to talk to him and know he is my father, and I greatly enjoy talking to him, but its unlike talking to anyone I've ever spoken with before with who he is, what we talk about and how I feel when talking to him.
Anyhow, I should get back to work so I suppose I should wind this up, but I'll be giving another update soon, so be on the lookout for that! :)
Bierk
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Well, I'm finally back with an update.
Last night about 10pm I got a phone call from my mother. This was the very first time I'd ever spoken to her. It was a little awkward at first but after maybe 15 minutes we both settled down and just really talked and had a very nice conversation and ended up talking for about 3 hours or so. Turns out I've got another little brother and sister on her side so I've picked up a whole tribe of people since tracking both father and mother down. I've gone from 1 sibling(adopted), to now having 7 total!
But it was a very nice conversation and I enjoyed it. After the nervousness went away we both talked pretty freely with each other and that did go well and I learned some things that were important to learn and she was very candid with me, which I appreciated.
Really it went a lot better than I had anticipated, and she actually is glad I've tracked her down. I don't know whether she and I will be particularly close like my father and I are getting, but at the same time, I think we do sense the bond of mother-son in us. She brought up the idea of coming down to where I live sometime, if we both feel that its appropriate and we are both comfortable with it, so to have her bring it up was a plus since I'm not about to push.
Anyway, I'll give another update very soon.
Bierk
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Bierk
I have some updates on my situation if anyone would be interested in hearing any of it. It has been a long time since I first posted and much has happened and can definitely show a long term experience.
well, much has happened since I initially found my bio-family. I went up and met them all. In fact I've been there 4 times as well as had some of them come to my area as well both when I was in TX and now in my current location of FL.
For a long time things were really good with them. But somewhere a few years ago my father and his wife(the mother of my 4 half sisters on his side) got divorced and he's been a shell of his former self ever since. I've talked to him about it but it hit him very hard and I doubt he'll ever be the same again. His mother, my grandmother also passed away just over a year ago. It was quite unexpected as she had seemed to be doing fine but her body just decided it didn't have any more get up and go. I wasn't able to make the funeral and that really bothered me as she was the first one of my bio family that I spoke to and revealed my identity to. Looking back I am so glad I got to meet her and get to know her as she was truly the glue that held the family together.
I haven't talked to my father in awhile. Between his work and trying to still take care of everything he has to deal with he isn't around much. One of my sisters moved out and is on her own. She's had some struggles and still hasn't found herself but I talk to her pretty regularly as she finally has realized I'm not that much older than her and I have been around the block a time or two in my day. I'm 34 and she's about to turn 24. I just try to help her with advice and feedback if she asks questions and I know she's trying hard to get somewhere in life and I want her to achieve as much as she wants to achieve.
On my mother's side things are a different story. Things started off pretty good all around. My siblings on her side were pretty young 3 and 5 when I first came on the scene and they are 10 and 12 now. They were a pain when they were young for someone who hasn't been around young kids a lot in my life but I attributed most of the issues to them just being young. But things really haven't improved over the years, in fact they may be worse now. Last summer I was visited by my mother and crew and honestly it was terrible. They had visited me in FL one time before the first summer I was here and that was a terrible visit as well. The first visit left me feeling like I was nothing more than a free hotel so they could go see the sights and do the tourist thing. That's all fine and dandy except that wasn't what the trip was made out to be.
The most recent visit left a very foul taste in my mouth. My little siblings have grown into the most spoiled ungrateful little monsters I've been around in my life. They are identical in age to my supervisor's two children and they are night and day different in their behavior. These two have the biggest sense of entitlement, are flat out undisciplined and just manage to push every button I have. They treated my house like poorly, my whole family complained about how Florida is in the summer, how I'm in the "mold capital of the world" how it feels like they are in the amazon, etc. After awhile the insults just get to be too much and when you get sand kicked in your face constantly you eventually get tired of it. I don't put blame just on the kids as they are only doing what they are being allowed to do. I actually can't fault them for that although I still can't stand to be around them.
I more fault our mother as she seems disinclined to do anything about it. She doesn't really have any set of rules for their behavior but then seems outraged when one of the kids or both do something that is inappropriate.
We were sitting on the couch one morning and my little sister just grabs mom's cell phone to call grandma about something. Keep in mind this is in a room with 4 adults that are talking. So as we talk my little sister says 'hold on grandma. I can't hear grandma, you all need to shut up when I'm on the phone!' which just about caused me to blow a gasket. Our mother acted outraged that her daughter would speak to her like that but didn't actually say or do anything about it....
So, as a result of that visit and the continued issues plus some other things I haven't gotten into in this post, I haven't had much to do with them since the fall. Do I feel bad? Yes, I do. I don't want things to be like this, but some damage has been done and I'm having trouble moving past my irritations. I don't expect the kids to act like angels...they are kids and they are doing what kids do. More to the point I strongly disagree with how they are raising those two kids and until the kids behavior changes I don't want to be involved, at all. It actually breaks my heart to say that and to feel that way but I just can't take it. I just don't know what to do or think about it these days...
Bierk, LOVED being able to read your posts from initial contact to years later. It's great to read about how the excitement fades and you are forced to deal with everything else. (hope that makes sense?)I've been in reunion with my bfather for 5 years so I appreciate reading other peoples long-term stories
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Thanks Bierk
So it sounds like reality instead of a fairy tale ending. At least you do know them...so was it worth it?
Give those half-sib kids fifteen or twenty years and maybe they'll be tolerable. Seriously, patience may work best. Patience and distance--it works with in-laws anyway. What strikes me on reading this is that when we were babies other people got to decide who was or wasn't going to be part of their lives; after reunion the adoptee finally gets a choice too.
Best wishes to you and your families.
Mallon
Thanks Bierk
So it sounds like reality instead of a fairy tale ending. At least you do know them...so was it worth it?
Give those half-sib kids fifteen or twenty years and maybe they'll be tolerable. Seriously, patience may work best. Patience and distance--it works with in-laws anyway. What strikes me on reading this is that when we were babies other people got to decide who was or wasn't going to be part of their lives; after reunion the adoptee finally gets a choice too.
Best wishes to you and your families.