Successful open adoption = no regrets?

I'm in what would be considered a "successful" open adoption. But I do regret the adoption everyday and if I could turn back the clock I'd keep my child snuggled in my arms and never let her go. I am a different person now and hindsight is a wonderful thing. I'd just tell this woman to do every thing possible to keep this baby because the pain, daily loss has not gone away for me and many other bmothers. In fact it has only got worse over the years for me. Plus you're still labeled the "bad birthmother" by society no matter what option you choose. My child's amother told me the other day that a couple of her friends were shocked and mortified that I was coming around to her house for a visit! They asked her if she thought that was really a good idea and in the best interests of her child. It's 2004 yet that kind of ignorant thinking goes on and will no doubt continue for the next 20 years. Cripes we're both mature adults yet society does not even want us to have a coffee together to discuss the health and wellbeing of our child. What's that about?? Both the amother and I can't get over how society downs birthmothers but accepts step parents. To me that's worped. Overall I could never have entered a closed adoption and would have kept my child if that was the only option so if you are going to do it open adoption is the only way to go but make sure you have Heaps of visits. But it's not an easy road to take. I struggle with the whole thing on a daily basis...Good Luck lol Banjo

I had placed my daughter 6 and half years ago at birth. The adoption is Very open. I have NEVER not one day have I regretted it. I love the a-parents and think the world of them. In my opinion the people who have problems or have a hard time with the adoption rather it be closed or open is they don't move on. First thing is you have to accept that you are not the "mommy" and all the reason you had for placing for adoption you have to follow though with them. Mine was collage and I wanted to see the world I have been to 5 different countries in the last six years and have gotten married and just had a baby girl of my own. I love my b-daughter so much. That never changed, but your life has to move on! I know it is hard for 9 months all you do is think about that child and dream of decorating the nursery and baby clothes and all the neat things that go with having a baby. Then you have this little precious baby and you leave the hospital and you don't have all those things you dreamed about for 9 months. The best thing I did was to move on with my life and do things for myself. I truly believe that open adoptions are the best way for the child and the b-mom and even the a-parents. My b-daughters parents tell me all the time they love being able to ask me questions about all kinds of things. I would tell her do what she feels is right for her and her baby.

There are days that I regret my lack of support when I could have kept her, but I don't regret the current situation.

I have never regretted placing my daughter. She is a great kid, I love her a ton, but I am also thrilled with her family and how everything has turned out. I wouldn't change a thing.

I have always had a very open adoption. Not only do I have a great relationship with my son, 19, but his whole adoptive family is a part of my own. Regret is a tricky thing. If you are talking about the kind of regret where I would go back and undo all that has been done, the answer is no. If you are talking about the "what if?" kind of regret, then, yes, there have been many times in my life where I have regretted not raising him, not being there on a day to day basis to see how he was growing. I think it is hard to make any kind of life altering decision without the "what if" kind of regret.

I have a open adoption as well. My daughter Sarah, is 4 years old. There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful I chose to have an open adoption. I get to see how she is growing up, and what new things she is learning or what she is in to. I love getting pictures, emails, and letters. I would in no way be able to go on life without knowing how my daughter is. I have been very blessed with her and her parents. They continue to let me know how she is doing and we meet every summer. I know they could have closed it after it was final but they know how important it is for Sarah to know her roots and where she came from. I do not regret it at all! Good Question! Lin Birthmom to Sarah Elizabeth:)

Story of my life. Not a day goes by that I don't contemplate the 'what ifs' but I have never trully 'regretted' placing my daughter for adoption. I know in my heart that it was absolutely the right decision for her, and no amount of my heartbreak and 'what ifs' change the fact that she is where she needed to be. Its worth breaking my heart and any other costs to know that her needs where what prevailed and not mine.

Hi, My daughter is 4. My cousin and his wife adopted her. They are wonderful to her and spectacular to me. No regrets.

I placed my daughter 5 years ago and have never regretted it for one second. I always compare the placement with falling in love with my husband. I just knew that this was right. These were the people for me. We clicked, and after our first meeting, there was no turning back. Of course, not everyday is sugar and spice and everything nice, but that's life. That is what family is--you fight, you cry, you love, you admire, you laugh, you love, you love, you love.

I am a new bmom as my son was just born March 5th. Although I am still crying through many of my days I do not regret my decision. I feel dead inside but my baby boy has all that I wanted for him and that I could never regret. Shelley

I placed almost 3 months ago, My son turned 3 months yesterday. I am in a very open adoption and I get to see him quiet often for that matter, I accept my decision but I at the same time do regret it. I know his parents love him so very much, but i regret him not being with me. I also have a 5 year old daughter tha tI am parenting and exactly 1 month after I had my son, I was in the delivery room with my sister and I helped her deliver my 2nd nephew. Everytime I am with him (my nephew) which is almost everyday, I regret not having my son with me so that I can hold him, spoil him, let him be the one to spit up on me, lay with him and cuddle during nap time. I do all of this with my nephew. my sister is mad at me for spoiling him so much... :) Anyhow, the point is, I accept my decision, I know I made the right decision but still at times I do regret it... Shawn Mom to Lilly 7/27/98 Birthmother to Jacob 2/2/04

I have an open adoption. My bson is now 2 1/2. I have my bad painful times like yesterday while making my two hr. drive back to school and the whole way on every radio station - Mother's Day adds. Sometimes it does'nt bother me at all to hear and see Mothers days commercials. Sometimes I will smile thinking about how wonderfull my mom is or how wonderfull my bson's mom is, but sometimes all that I feel while listening to them is the pain from not being his mom. Some days yes it is painful, but most of the time I am happy becuase I get to see my bson happy. I have thought of the what ifs. I think what if I had never walked into that agency....what if I had decided to parent. If I had decided to parent I wouldnt of been able to provide my bson with all that they have provided him, I would'nt know his family that I care about so much, and I wouldnt see them so happy with him. I know he is happy and has a wonderful family and I get to see him happy so I do not regret my decision at all. -Ginny

Emily Pentland [FONT=courier new]emily[/FONT] I recently placed again. I am a birthmother of a 1 year old girl, Abby, and now a birthmother to a 2 month old boy, Jace. My children are together and it is an open adoption. I got to see my daughter when my son was born it was the happiest day of my life! Not only did I have a healthy son, but so see my daughter again was wonderful. Now, I am alone, working on getting my life back in order. I recieve letters and write letters to my children. I know I made the correct choice. But, lately I"m having more bad days then good days. I not only miss my little girl but miss my little boy now too. Another hard fact is, I still think about their birthfathers. I know they aren't worth my time, but it's just hard right now. I"d like anyone who could help encourage me, or maybe encourage each other to email me at airforcecute69@yahoo.com. I do believe that would help me alot..Thank you, Emily

I have two open adoptions. One I do not regret, One I do. My son is 12 yrs old and I have no regrets! I knew him well until he was 4, and then everyone moved. When he got a sister in a closed adoption I just kept in touch with his mom. But his sister and I got to talk to him just the other day, very enjoyable. My daughter is nearly 8 months old. I have every regret. If I could have undone it I would have. If I could contest it I would. I feel they did not want open adoption and just allow me to visit sometimes. This was supposed to be a situtation where her sisters would be able to stay close to her. I have to work (by calling) for all the contact, which is probably not something they enjoy. Now the husband has requested a job transfer overseas. Maia

All of your stories are so unique, some very sad and others very uplifting, but each one different! I am not a birthmother or adoptive parent, but an adoption social worker. I am doing research on birthmothers and their open adoption for my thesis. I am in need of volunteers! It involves answering questions (through email) Please email me if you are interested! Thanks, Laureen