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Hi there,
My name is Vicki and I'm a 21 year-old journalism student from England researching an article on Genetic Sexual Attraction, as part of a series on family relationships I will be submitting for assessment in May. It is unlikely to be published.
GSA is experienced by a lot of families when they are reunited after adoption. Many psychologists believe that the reason we are not attracted to members of our family is because whilst growing up together (especially with siblings) any sexual attraction is knocked out of us very quickly.
However, most adoption agencies realise that when families are separated at birth this natural process does not take place, resulting in very confused feelings and worries that you are 'abnormal' for feeling this way, when in fact, it is very normal indeed.
I wondered if anyone who may have had experiences like GSA upon reunion with their children, or parents, would contact me through email. I would guarantee anonymity, of course. At the moment I have spoken to a lot of experts, but I think it is important for people who have actually experienced this phenomenon to give their point of view.
Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you.
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A few years ago, I would have thought anyone addressing this topic was a sicko. Now I know that it is real--and powerful.
I have experienced mild GSA with my birth father, and I think it's mutual. Neither of us has acted on it. I think it's because we both value our friendship too much to mess it up. Of course, this is all speculation, because I would sooner die than bring it up, and he's not the type to discuss that sort of thing, either.
We both live in New York and see each other occasionally. There have been only hints of GSA: him telling me how striking and beautiful I was after we first met, some hugs that lasted longer than usual, one time when we held hands as we walked, etc. Nothing dramatic has ever happened. Yet I know it's there under the surface for me, and I think it is for him, too.
I've met both of my half-brothers, and while I've become friends with them, it didn't happen with them. Only him.
I think the important thing is to put friendship first. When it first happened and I read about the tragic consequences of consummating GSA, I decided right then and there that it wasn't worth it. I'd be devastated to lose him again.
I refuse to follow up on the suggestion that I see a therapist, discuss it with a friend, or discuss it with him, but I do try to keep my feelings in check and be careful with physical affection, how I dress, and where we go when we're together. He also seems to have taken the lead in this area and been responsible about it, even though it is unspoken. We think a lot alike, so we can understand each other easily.
To my relief, I've found that it has faded somewhat over time, but it's still there. Strangely, even though I'm relieved, a little part of me is disappointed. I just hope it all goes away for good and we end up with a lasting friendship. That is the only real way to develop the lost bond.
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I have experienced GSAS with my half brother. We met when I was in my late teens and he was in his very early teens. It is odd but when I met him for the first time ( maybe because he was only 12) there wasn't a sexual attraction. After meeting we didn't see eachother much for next next 4 years following. When I was 22 and he was 16 we found ourselves kissing and carressing ( with clothes on). It didn't go further than that. I grew very uncomfortable around him after that and we didn't speak for 6 years after making out. We ran into one another two years ago. And all those feelings that I thought were gone came rushing back in. I am married now...so I try to put them out of my mind. But I just can't. I find myself wanting him even more than I did before, except this time I don't feel guilty over the way I feel. I know he feels the same for me. It is very hard for me to suffer through. I have thought about talking this over with him..but quickly realize that might not be the right thing to do. Just thought I would share that with anyone that might be feeling the same. Ur not alone. There are many others out there.
