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OK--maybe I am uptight and too controlling of my children? We have taught our 6-year old how to dial 911 and her own phone number as well as Grandma's and to me this is really the extent of the phone use I find acceptable for a Kindergartener!
On Wednesday our Kindergarten daughter came home from school with a consrtuction paper made book caLLED, "My Phone Book" Inside she had written classmates phone numbers. I totally understand this was most likely an activity for working on writing numbers and understanding how phone numbers work.
What really get me is that the teacher told the 5 and 6 year olds that' "now you can call your friends anytime you want to."
Personally, I don't really WANT my daughter calling friends 'anytime she wants to.' I was rather irritated when our daughter took the cordless phone to her room and shut the door and wanted to call a friend.
First I said, "No, if you make a call to anyone--you make the call with my help." So we dialed the friend -- who was not home at the time but, her mother said she would call back when she got home--For the REST of the afternoon I had a 'crazy-6 year old' running for the phone each and every time it rang! (Which is also not acceptable behavior in our home).
Then at 7:30--which is in the middle of our bedtime routine--the phone rang and it was the little girls mother--I resentfully got my daughter to the phone and the conversations ended up with my daughter pitching a fit because the other child's mother had to get on the phone and tell my daughter that her daughter was 'too shy' to talk right now!
To be honest this activity completely disrupted an entire day and evening in our home. Ended with negative results and had our 6-year old telling us that we had to agree to break our own rules because some Kindergarten teacher thought it was a good activity!
What age is normal for parents to allow phone use. I do not remember using the phone until I was about 11 or 12. I do not remember my older children using the phone at least until the 5th grade except is very rare circumstances--like calling another Scout to find out when the next meeting was....
Maybe I am uptight but, I don't see any reason for 5 and 6 year olds to be talking on the phone. What are they going to talk about the Kitty?--and how sucessful can it possible be if one child isn't even able to talk on the phone--and isn't it the parents right to decide when telephone use is proper?
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Xanny Thank you for the teacher point of view.....This happened on Wednesday night and it is Friday and I have not approached the school at this point for exactly the reasons you outlined..... I really to do wish to be a co-oppertive member of the educational process with the school system. The older ones went through public school and I had none of these issues with them. It seems a lot has changed since the older ones were here a mere 14 years ago!
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dpen6 There will come a time when I don't actually have a problem with the children answering the phone....not sure when but, I would like it to be at a time when they are able to speak clearly and respond to the caller properly. I will have to ask the older ones when they started answering incomeing calls?.....Thankfully the big kids are here this week for Spring Break!
And other people allowing their children to answer their phones has resulted in my Not calling as often truthfully.... I have called friends of mine and their child has answered the phone and 'went to get the parent' set the phone down and then I have spent 10-mins listening to things going on in their homes on an open phone line--Once I actually overheard a Fight between the parents and another time I had a friend angry with her husband about his flirting with ME!:eek:
My brother lets his children answer calls and you would not believe some of the things his kids have said to me.....'dad is in the living room alseep because he was kissing the neighbor late last night!' :eek:
Dpen6 makes a good point. There were always parents who asked that their phone numbers not be placed on a class list. I even had one who wouldn't tell US her number! (which in my opinion is irresponsible, as the school needs to be able to get in touch in the event of an emergency.) I wonder if your daughter's teacher has any families like that and what she did in that case. Especially since it's not the kind of thing a 5-year-old can be expected to know.
Hi, I am new here and just wanted to put my 2 cents worth in.
I have a 4 year old and 6 (almost 7) year old girls, we are discussing adopting a boy from the Philippines so that is why I am here.
But I saw this great discussion over the phone issue.
This is what we have set down for rules and I try to include independence to a point, they do help pick out thier own clothes to wear with my approval and they do have to be modest.
My daughter has one friend that she is allowed to call with permission and only to make play date arrangements. And we usually know that they will be calling each other becuase they discuss it at school and they tell the parents, us/other girls parents. Then we check with the other parents to make sure its ok and then we let them call each other. Luckily we have a good relationship with the other girls parents. I always call the parents first to make the call arrangements so no one is calling at dinner time or bed time. That works well for us. I like my daughter to call, and this is were I feel the independence comes in, so she does not have a fear of the phone. I was brought up very sheltered and I grew up to be fearful of things. I would not go to a store or restraunt by myself and I still dont like to call people on the phone except for close friends. I dont want my daughter to be 25 years old and afraid of things because I never let her do those things. It took my very social husband to bring me out of those things.
And my view on the ansering of the phone, we have caller id, so the only time she is aloud to answer is after I check and see who it is, and only if its a family member or her one friend is calling.
Just like when someone knocks on the door she is not aloud to answer it. You should see her yelling to me "mamal is at the door can I open it". One day I told her NO and she gave me a funny look and said "why not, I dont want her to be cold". She is so sweet.
So basicly, I dont let her out of my site (I am very protective), but I let her do somethings with my supervision. Like when we go to the store I let her pay with her money if she buys something. Things like that I let her do for learning some independence.
But I am with you on the, she does not need to be that independent, she is still my baby and I will hold on to that as long as she will let me!
Nicole
In my opinion, this is a good time to start teaching your child that home rules win over anything else anyone tells her ever! It doesn't matter if teacher says she can use the telephone, or watch a particular TV program, or read a particular book, or be alone with boys, or get her driver's permit, or take birth control pills, or spend the night at her home, or anything else - if it's different than what you say, YOU win. (Incidentally, all those examples are ones I know other parents have complained about teachers telling students...)
Of course you're already teaching that, I assume. But in my house, a phone call past phone hours wasn't handed to me - ever.
I tend to think very outside the box. How about having your child telephone the teacher a couple times every day? *grin* After all, the child could easily come away from that lesson thinking she could call anybody!
When you go talk to the teacher, be sure to ask what she actually said about calling other classmates. Kids' interpretations can be quite interesting at times!
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When my son tells me his teacher says he should do something at home that I disagree with, I remind him gently and firmly that mom is in charge at home and the teacher is in charge of school.
MY 7 year old does not use the phone except to call mine or his dad's cell if he needs us while the babysitter is there. He has play telephones he can practice on. There are a lot of kids in our neighborhood, so all he has to do is walk outside if he wants to socialize. My 12 year old has just begun using the phone.
MY 12 and 13 year olds are poor message takers, so only the 4 older boys answer the phone.
My son is older than those we're mostly talking about (he's 13), and we are dealing with slightly different phone issues. The girls have started calling, and I'm having to enforce our phone rules (and maybe even teach some phone manners in the process? sure, dream on!) "No, he can't come to the phone; phone calls are to stop at 9:00." "Yes, he's here, may I tell him who's calling?" And when they say "a friend", I wait for a name. I'm aware that I'm the Mean Mom, sometimes it seems the only one with rules - a girl called for him at 10:30 one school night. My son tells me they call because they're bored. I'm assuming these kids have their own phones, and their parents are either clueless or simply don't care. I can't change their world and their rules, but I can try to govern how they impact our house. (And, just my .02 on an issue I'll probably never face, I wouldn't have my hypothetical 6 year old calling people, either.)
Thank you EVERYONE! I am so glad to know I am not completely nuts--or so behind the times!
DianeS I love the idea of calling the teacher! I bet you anything that I do not and never will have her home phone number anyplace--it is not listed in the school roster nor are any of the teachers #'s which I do find rather interesting :D
kay OMG :eek: 'a friend' gotta love that dont we? Just wait until the 'other' kids pull up into the drive way and honk! My poor older children were devastated when I would not allow them to just run out the door--especially if it was some kind of 'date'! The teenagers would sit there and honk--honk--honk until they gave up! And had to walk to the front door and see me.....
Lucyjoy-I completely agree about keeping the teacher as the teacher and the parents as the parents.... Last year our daughter was in pre-school and there was some kind of parent/kid thing planned at 6:30 I think it was a Tea of all things...anyway I picked up my daughter as usual at 4pm and the teacher asked if we would be back. I told the teacher, 'no tonight is M's church night and she has plans at 7pm'
This teacher ACTUALLY had the nerve to tell M that if she was 'good' there was no reason she couldn't do both things tonight!
Needless to say I informed the teacher that M is a good kid and even if she minded all the rules and did everything she was told to do--WE WOULD NOT BE AT THE EVENT. We have dinner and a family and if the pre-school wanted us to be at these sorts of events they would need to plan them for other hours of the day. Say in the evening or day time but NOT during Dinner.
Sometimes I just cannot get over how teachers feel they can tell children what parents need to do? We have already had a hard enough time teaching our daughter that WE are the ones in charge. After 2-years of caseworkers running her life--she often forgets the caseworkers are now past history!
Teenage girls with phones are a problem for us to being I have gorgeous, teenage boys. I got a call from a mom one day informing me my lovely children had called her house at midnight.
They do not have their own phones, but made use of the phone jacks put in their rooms by the previous owners. What I really hate is if they ask for one twin who's busy they ask for the other one as if they are interchangeable.
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This has been one of the most informative threads I've read in a long time. Gotta say, I think that 5 is too young to be calling someone unsupervised. I think that constructive feedback for the teacher would help HER as well. There have been lots of times when I've done something that I thought was a fantastic idea, only to have someone point out to me some potential pitfalls...
Anyhow, one of my girlfriends has a great way of teaching her kids that different families have different rules. We have to respect their rules, especially at their house, but they might not have the same rules as we do, and we may or may not insist that they be followed at our house. There are also different rules for big people and kids. It was her four-year-old who pointed this out to me after I apologized for using the word "crazy" in his presence (it is a banned word in their house. I try to respect those rules whenever I can, but we know about ten different families who each have different prohibitions against words, so it can be difficult to keep track of them all).
thanks to all for the ideas
Great subject here. I am the bmom of four kids, 19,18,15,11 and a foster mom to 6 & 5 year olds. My 6 year old came home not to long ago with the same type of book. It brought back memories of when our other kids brought them home. I agree with those who think it is too young. I can't stand my older kids being on the phone all of the time either. I allowed k, the 6 yo to make one call and then the book suspiciously disappeared.
As far as independance, i too agree with those who like their younger children to be dependant. Believe me, they grow up fast enough as it is. I have a huge problem with parents who let their kids "rule the roost" so to speak. What is wrong with, "I am the mom and I make the rules, or Because I said so, thats why!" After all I am the adult of the group here.
Just some thoughts. My 19 (almost 20) year old son is in his second year of college, which he has paid for on his own. He can get a job and be responsible to pay all of his bills. His teachers throughout high school and college remark of his dependability, so I guess our old fashioned way of bringing him up, when the parents are parents, and not "friends" has worked pretty well with him. The jury is still out on the others though. LOL
M:cool:
lucyjoy--the whole twin thing is so upsetting to me!
I cannot believe that but I have seen this in my life. When I was in High school we had the cutest set of twin boys and there was one girl who bounced between them then married one--ten years later divorced and now she is married to the other!
They joke that she just forgot which one she was in love with--or that the worng one showed up at the wedding--but OMG how terrible for the twins!
My DH used to date twins and that is how he defines it. He actually says he isn't sure which twin he was out with on any given date! And he is not sure which one he was the 'most' romantic with. When I told him how disgusted I was with him--he said it wasn't his idea--he just never knew which one got into his car for a date and which one answered the phone when he called so he left it up to them to figure out!:eek: I still told him I think he is scum for that period of his life....
I am too old to recall when my kids started using the phone but I know that they weren't 5 or 6. My grandchild just turned 8 and she is allowed to make calls to 2 "best friends" with limits. The calls must be made after homework is done, and must be done with an egg-timer. At the time that the connection is made the timer is turned to 5 minutes and when it goes off she gets off. On the other hand one of these friends has called for her as late as 11pm and we reminded her that Faith has a 9pm bedtime. Faith also has a screen name on my computer and at her own home but again there are time limits except when homework is involved and her computer useage is ALWAYS supervised, even in the Disney and Sponge Bob sites. She can only recieve email from her mom, dad and me.
IMO its up YOU the parent, there are no right or wrongs other than the ones you decide on...MissyM
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