Explaining Babies and Adoption - Need Help

Originally Posted By LisI only have one child and she is special needs and has not asked this question... but I other children have asked. The way that I found around this is that I tell people that Emily has two moms, and that he other mom was sick (drug addiction.. but I dont tell them that) and that her other mom loved her so much that she asked me to adopt my daughter and become her real mom. And we loved her so much, that we were very happy to take her. I think that this is especially important because you never want the child to feel that their mother "hated them." My daughter was neglected and starved to near death because of her moms adictions, but her mom still loves her... she just did a really stupid and rotten thing. No well person could do that to their child (there must be some kind of mental sickness or drug addition, etc) ergo, the word "sick."The other thing, and this could totally depend on your religion, etc... is that we tell people that before she came to earth, she was lost in the shuffle and sent to the wrong mom, not a bad mom, just not the right one. And it took her a while, but she finally found her mom and dad. If you use one of these to explain the difference between you (the real mom) and her (the biological mom), it might help to explain where the baby came from. Also, if you cannot find a story, book, etc..that does not fit your needs... write one yourself, including your childrens names. Go to a university art class and ask if there is a student willing to be hired for illustrations... university art students do much crazier things for money, that would be a treat! Good luck to you.

Please - you can plant in their mind that some moms can and do have babies and some moms can't. And They grew in the belly of a mommy who couldn't support them so she gave them to you; they may not have grown in your belly, but you picked them and wanted them as much as any baby growing in it's mothers belly. They need to know you and your husband picked them and wanted them so they are very special children. Try it, it might help - it sure helped me understand a lot as I grew up.

Originally Posted By to JeanHere are some suggestions. Some I've read, some I haven't. ***I had to use the public library's inter-library loan system to read them before I decided which I wanted to have in our family.*** You will need to see which ones work for/apply to your family. My kids are now 4 and 2 so some of these are still beyond my two.1.)Our Baby: A Birth and Adoption Story by Janice Koch 2.)How I Was Adopted by Joanna Cole3.)One Wonderful You by Francie Portnoy4.)Mommy, Did I Grow in Your Tummy? Where Some Babies Come From by Elaine R. Gordon5.)Twice Upon a Time: Born and Adopted by Eleanora Patterson6.)Pugnose Has Two Special Families by Karis KruzelYou can check out (FYI, I'm not connected to Tapestry at all--just find that they are a great resource!)Good Luck!

Originally Posted By JeanI just wanted to thank everyone who responded to my question. All of the advice given was great. My daughters are both for homes where they suffered neglect so the explainations given will really come in handy.I will look into the books referenced, by the titles it seems that at least one of them should work for us.I wish I had the talent and time to write a book. Who knows maybe someday. :->

Originally Posted By bm JamieJean you are their REAL mommy.We as birth parents are the birthmothers.

Originally Posted By may I add another bookI am an adoptee and I think the best book on understand what an adoptee goes through are the following:1. Primal Wound -- N. Veirrer2. The journey of the adopted self -- B. Lifton3. Twice Born -- B. LiftonThese books will help you understand the identity issues surrounding the adopted child. I hope that they may be of service to you and the adoptee in your life.