Should we pursue adoption

Originally Posted By Cheryl in MSHave you considered foster parenting? Maybe you could try volunteering along with you children at a children's shelter. Your son might realize that after several visits to the shelter and particular children have been placed elsewhere what an unstable life the children have. He is probably old enough to realize how fortunate he is to have a stable family life style. Just a thought. Sometimes no matter how young/old you are you just have to realize something for yourself before you can act on it.

Originally Posted By JeanSome things you might consider if you do decide to go for an adoption. In my opinion it works best if the child being adopted is at least one or two years younger than the child already in the home. That way they can take on the role of BIG BROTHER/SISTER and be a helper to you in getting this new sibling settled in. No matter what you do, there will be an adjustment period. Just like kids go through an adjustment period when they get a new biological sibling. You just can't expect things to begin running smoothly in just a week or even a month. It takes time for everyone to fall into the new family dynamics. I already had an adopted daughter of 5 1/2 (who came into our lives at the age of 3 1/2) when we had our file reopened for a sibling. We would not even consider a child over 4 because we felt our first should be the oldest. Our second daughter came into our lives at the age of 3 1/2. There is a 2 1/4 yr age difference. We have had our new addition for 7 months now. Things are improving a little at a time and I think we a almost at a point where they argue more or less the same way biological siblings argue. They are very close overall. There were some jealousy issues and to some degree there still are. We just try to make sure that if we hug one we hug the other, if we praise one, we praise the other etc. Adoption is always a bumpy road but well worth it. Family dynamics change and all family members adapt over time and then you will not be able to imagine life without you WHOLE family around you.Good luck with your decision.

Originally Posted By marciaplease see my posting above under only children and adoption

Originally Posted By Lisamarcia,It sounds like you are searching for what is right for your family. I have a bio daughter. After secondary infertility, we felt we were meant to have only one. But, when Amanda was seven, we still couldn't get over the feeling that we wanted to love/give to a second child as we had with our first. 10 mths after starting to advertize, we had our son. We got him at 16 hours old. Amanda went through a "honeymoon" phase with him, but now has the same sibling rivalry that I remember having as a child. She had to learn to share, to always look out for her little brother, and to put up with some of the unpleasantness of "big" sister. But she also adores him.I have yearned at times for the "simpler" days. Not because I regret the adoption--I just think many new mothers of second children feel that way! And, it did take me awhile to feel like Andrew's mom, but I cannot imagine life without him now. I love both of my children -- and they both feel so "natural" to me. Wish you luck. Please keep us posted!

Originally Posted By MaryDon't adopt a child so close in age to your children. Rather adopt a child who is younger so that your child does not feel that his space is being threatened. A child that is adopted when it is older needs a lot of time and attention and your children might not understand that you still love them although you won't be able to focus all your attention on them