Adopting my *step* daughter

Yes, it matters how long you have been married. Each state sets their own minimum time for the couple to have been married before they would process a step-parent adoption. Some consider the length of the "relationship" but most only consider the length of the marriage. Would she be willing to sign her rights/responsibilities to the child away? If she's willing for you to adopt, and willing to sign papers to that effect, the process gets a WHOLE lot easier. You get to skip all of the "termination of parental rights" business that otherwise has to be done in a court. Does the mother pay child support, mail letters or Christmas/birthday presents, inquire about the child from other relatives? Any of those *could* be considered enough contact or care for the court to not terminate her rights. The absence of any sort of support or contact can usually be used to terminate the bio parent's rights even if he/she objects. Your first step is probably a lawyer experienced with parental abandonment and step-parent adoptions in your state. He can tell you how long you'd have to wait to start the process, what specific grounds you may have for claiming abandonment by the bio mother, and how much he'd charge to complete the adoption for you. Some states allow adults to file for this sort of thing without a lawyer, but unless you can get the bio mother to sign voluntarially it's not recommended - there are too many details to proving abandonment to risk not doing it correctly. But it's something to look into. About the asterisks - the abbreviation you want to use is also used as an abbreviation for a particular bathroom function, and is therefore considered impolite and not used on this forum. Biological mother, bio mom, birth mother, birthmom, etc - those are all fine to use. Good luck!

There will most likely be some time limits requested for your marriage usually 2 years.... And I do advise an attorney here in Oregon.....

As for the posting, I clicked "preview reply" it is right next to the "submit reply" button. As far as biomom goes she doesn't pay child support (there is a current order for her to pay), has never written, sent pictures, cards or any other communication. She has only made phone calls. The last one was May of 2003, befor that was Nov. 2002 and July 2002. I do have the exact dates and nature of each call documented. We have never discussed the issue of me adopting sd with biomom. We think that would upset her and she would start making the effort she should have been making for the past 3 years. Plus our abandonment chance would go out the window and my poor sd would be emotionally scarred in the process. Biomom's mother, my sd's grandma, does send a Christmas card every year and has even called leaving a message asking for DH or myself to feel free to call her back. And sd's sisters' dad knows where we live and has our phone number. We do send both people pictures of sd from time to time. They live in the same town as biomom. Biomom is the one who moved out of state, we live in the same town my sd was born in. We have lived in the same house for 2+ years. She knows where we are. We never know where she is, last her mom (the grandma) told us she (biomom) was living in a park with her boyfriend. I came here looking for guidence and advice. I would love to share my story if it helps you to see why we are looking in this. Thank you both for your replys.

For a step child adoption the other parent either has to relinquish their rights or you must show cause... You may or may not have enought to show that cause and attorney would be the best one to advise you on that and then we never know what a Judge will do....Either way the biological mom will be notified of your interest in adopting and have some right to object... I do not believe that the state of Oregon will allow child support to be considered in any way for child visistation or right to access... I know I had problems in this area with my Ex and court after court would NEVER allow the issue of child support to be part of his rights to visit or see his children...I am not sure how they would view the termination of parental rights issue. I had forgotten about the "preview" of post ability and that is why I edited my last post!!!!! Good luck....

We don't plan on filing on the basis of no support. There is no contact. No relationship. We know she will recieve paperwork once we file. If she tries to establish a relationship at that point after have in NO relationship for 3+ years, won't the court see that she is only doing it because she got served? She has 3 girls and has lost all 3 girls to their fathers. If anything were to ever happen to my husband it would be bad enough for my step-daughter to lose her father, but then she may potentially lose the only mother and only home she has ever know also...Are we way off based?

Oh yes the judge will see her sudden wanting to be involved as what it is.... Most often whit a situation as you are describing there are not too many porblems getting things resolved... Also keep in mind that because this is not some kind of 'criminal' case she will have to pay her own attorney....sometime the other parents just gives up when they realize what they are going to have to do.... I presonally don't think you have a real big problem... Nothing that a few dollars and some frustrating court visits won't change--and I completely agree you do need to have protection in the even anythiing terrible were to actually happen.... (Big Prayer Not) and also I personally feel a child deserves to have a RELATIONSHIP with the parents...married or divorced...the little girl deserves a mother of her own...If her bilogical mother isn't willing to be that then I am so happy the little girl has a mom like you............... :) I can imagine there may be bumps in the road--but, this is happening all the time now so a good attorney should have no problem walking you through everything.... Good Luck, Anna

I am still looking for anyone who has done a step-parent adoption in the state of Oregon. I realize we may have to wait until we have been married for at least a year to file, I still haven't found out just how long exactly. Anyone who has done this, please contact me. I would love to know what to expect so we can prepare now and for the next year or how ever long we have to wait. Thank you!

I know this reply is a bit later than most, but I hope if will be of some help anyway. I am in almost the EXACT same position, and so I have lots of advice to give. I am under the asumption that you are in oregon, so here goes. Your "bible" on this subject should be Oregon ORS 109. This is all about adoptions in Oregon. I can give you some numbers to look at so that you may not even have to hire an attorney (we just did this, and let me tell you, it is way expensive!) I recomend John Case of Feibleman and Case Attorneys if you do go that direction though. He is out of the Portland area. 109.119 Rights of person who establishes emotional ties creating child-parent relationship or ongoing personal relationship; presumption regarding legal parent; motion for intervention- : This isn't necessarily for step-parent, but it does tend to make this relationship more dependent upon what the child wants 109.314 Consent when custody of child has been awarded in divorce proceedings. I cna't remember if you mentioned that this child has come out of a divorce or not, but this would work for it. 109.324 Consent when parent has deserted or neglected child. (This is the MOST IMPORTANT ONE regarding your situation) "If either parent is believed to have willfully deserted the child or neglected without just and sufficient cause to provide proper care and maintenance for the child for one year next preceding the filing of the petition for adoption and such parent does not consent in writing to the adoption, there shall be served upon such parent a citation in accordance with ORS 109.330 to show cause why the adoption of the child should not be ordered." Doesn't hand you the child, but it does give you an incredibly convincing case, eh? If she does not show up to respond to this citation, then you could possibly win your step daughter by default. In which case this ordanance is very important: 109.324 Consent when parent has deserted or neglected child. If, you file this with the court and after a year she comes to contest your claim, you can use this ordainance against her since she does not support her daughter or even show simple interest in her life. Also, I should let you know I am not a lawyer, so please dont' get mad at me if all this stuff is screwed up...and I have not tried these ordainences in court, but as far as oregon law runs, you might have a potentially great case. Good Luck!

Well, no rush now. A huge weight has been lifted in our lives!BioM has recently "gone away" for a while. She will be eligable for parole in 3-5 years. That would make my SD 8-10 by then. We can wait and do the step-adoption, and not have to worry about BioM in the mean-time. My SD knows of BioM but only by her 1st name. SD also knows she grew in BioM's belly, that she didn't come from me, but I am her mommy. When we do get to do the step-adoption, our family will be complete! :cool: Many thanks to BalesGal for all the helpful info!