Should we give up?

It depends on what the exact nature of his crime was--and will likely need to be finished with probation...It also depends on the type of adoption you choose and the agency and rules they have set.... I many cases it can be very difficult to adopt after a felony.... If it is drug related they might want to see a very very long time to prove sobriety... Your best option is to look into things ask questions and be 100% honest...sometimes you don't know until you try.

His felony (Class D) came from being in possession of a flashlight and bolt cutters - they are considered burlgary tools. He tells me that it is a SIS charge which means that it will be off of his record after probation is served - I keep telling him that I've never heard of it. He says his dad has the paperwork - so, I'll see if I can get a copy of it. The rehabilitation isn't part of the felony. He went in for drug testing and told his Officer, that he wouldn't be clean and that he needed help...he went through one outpatient program that he didn't take seriously and when we started seeing each other, he went through inpatient "live-in" rehabilitation. After being there for 30 days, they were able to "Get through" to him and he decided that our life together was more important than that "stuff" or "friends". As I said, since August 2002 he has been drug&alcohol free. (And cigarette free! *S*)

Depending on the type of adoption you choose sometimes they will consider crimes that are not violent, drug related or harming to a person or child as less of an issue.... The adoption process can take a long time.... My advice is that you start be seeing if you can CLEAR the record before you start any process. Some people are asked have you ever been 'Convicted of a Crime" and in other cases it will ask have you ever been 'Arrested' so I would be close attention to these phrases when you do start the adoption process. I would also highly recomend that you DH consider getting some counseling right now and go until you adopt--even if it is only a few times a year--Often people who have had drug or mental health issues will need to have some additional Pyschological tests done and having an established relatioship with a therapists will go a long way. This therapy can be about remaining clean and sober and possibly dealing with some of the reasons that he started using in the first place. Most agencies and other countries have a marriage requirement of at least two years. I think the greatest advice I can offer is to NOT ever give up but to consider the next while as a time to get your life in order and make yourselves strong together. Most adoptive parents are OLDER then the average biological parent due to spending time dealing with infertility and just because things are rocky today does not mean they won't be in a few years. Take clasees about adoption and child care--education, first aid and cpr.... Focus on pre-education about parenting. Learn about early education and possibly consider voulnteer work. Consider the next little while sort of like going to college to become something... a Parent. And work on your house...do the things that make it a nice home...go ahead and build the fence and expand on your home.... Also consider checking into fertility issues. You may not actually be infertile? You may have some minor issues or your husband may have a low sperm count or some kind of issue there. Continue raising your 4-year old and doing your best there as he will be an example of the kind of parent you are... Look into ALL the ways to adopt there are MANY. And most of all provide a history of stability for a new child... this can go very far. Hopefully his record can be cleared of this charge....and hopefully you can find an agency that will not view non-violent crimes as a strike out... Good luck--Be patient and don't give up until you decide you want to or until you have checked into every path.

HappyMom - Thank you for your replies... I will discuss with DH therapy for him. He probably will do it - but only as a last resort - I'm sure he would rather discuss his problems with our priest.... The two year requirement is what I've been seeing (atleast) - and that isn't a problem - we'll be making our 2 years in October. We aren't even going to start with submitting applications until after December - so that we can take all the time we need to learn about adoption...(My mom and dad started the adoption process a few years back - but they later decided to remain without another child - they are a wonderfully supportive source)... We are working on making the improvements to our home now - we are considering refinancing to get the extra money to build on and add the garage, etc. As for infertility - we have found that there are tests and procedures which look like they would work - and the Church will not allow them. And there are tests and procedures that we have undergone w/o violating the Church's beliefs and they did not work. I, personally, am not sure if I can handle going through month after month of agony as I wait to find out if this month is "the month" again...Adoption has its share of trials - but atleast there are steps that I can see us acomplishing (if we get past the before mentioned problems) little by little. Also, my infertility is being placed on my weight. (Over weight). Losing the required amount of weight and using fertility meds didn't help. I then regained the weight *yuck*. Also, can DH be tested for low sperm? I thought that would be forbidden.... Thanks again for your thoughts... Ang

First, I want to welcome you to the family! Our ds was just baptised 5/9. It was very fun! Second, I just want to ditto Anna. It may be best to just spend some time together the 3 of you and work on adjusting to and building your current family. You are still young enough to start adoption in a while. I'm sorry I can't help clarify felony qualification except to also say, be honest whatever you do. You will very likely do a state or FBI fingerprint check and it wouldn't be good to have a surprise for your case worker at that time. Much luck!

What is "Catholic Charities" ? I've read a post talking about adoption through them? Would we have a chance with them?

Catholic Charities is an adoption agency, their requirements are very similar to a regular adoption agency, just because they are part of the Church does not mean that they are more lenient. As a matter of fact the one local Catholic Charities in my archiodioses is not even accepting applications now because they have too many parents waiting, call your local chapter. As a Catholic myself I know that the Church does not accept some fertility treatment, but they do accept a lot of them, you should research that. Like even a modified IVF in which sperm and eggs are deposited in the uterus so that they can hopefully form embryos inside the body, the Church's position is that fertilization cannot take place outside the uterus. You should call your Archiodoses to send you information on this, I did. Good luck to you.

Thank you for that info. Dawn NJ. We will call our Priest to find out more about Infertility (he has already been so wonderful with us!) treatments - though we would really like to adopt. "just because they are part of the Church does not mean that they are more lenient" I wouldn't expect them to be more lenient - just more understanding. DH was an idiot then. Both of our lives have changed drastically since we met one another and were wed. Our lives have changed even more so, since the very first Catholic Instruction Class we participated in. We are not who we once were. We hope that SOMEONE out there will look at us, listen to us, and know that. Thank you, once again, for your thoughts... Be well and God Bless... Ang

You sound like althought you are young, you have turned your life around and are different people, for which I am very glad and happy for you. The desire to have a better life is so strong that making a better life for your self is possible. As far as the adoption agencies, a lot of their requirements are outlined in their information packages the can send out to you. They are usually pretty strick about the stuff that you are talking about if they say that they do not want that , but I have also heard that in cases of police records and arrest , time is the best healer, if a offense is recent they want to see time passed and that the person has proven that they have stayed clean and out of trouble for a while. I think really wanting to adopt is a great thing,( I have a bio child and now I am getting ready to get my visit from my state to hopefully adopt my next one so I understand) but since you are still so young , I would advice that you look into your fertility and maybe give that a chance. For me it is refreshing to see a new Catholic with such strong faith, the church is not too popular these days but that is not anythign I want to discuss, take care.