my world is shattering with pain........

Iam in pain too knowing that stuff i do and i wish that sometimes i wasnt even born. I know that my bmom didnt kill me but i think with all this pain i think i would have rather been died. But now i got a kid and i need to live for him and take care of him, even though i know that wasnt wanted......

Believe me. I felt the same exact way when I was getting no where with my search, but I found my birthmother. It took four years, but I did it eventually. You just have to be patient and if you feel like crying: cry. That's what got me through. I always felt like I wasn't loved, but when you find her, you'll feel like a trillion pounds has been lifted off of your shoulders.

I hope you know that you are not alone. So many of us have struggled with these strong feelings all of our lives. Take care of your mental health - I have, and it's helping while I wait for the phone to ring for more devastating news. Know that this isn't all of who you are (I know, whatever that is), but it isn't. Write in a journal and figure out what things you love (food, etc...), and do something everyday that you enjoy. I have had days when I haven't done these things, but it takes an effort to get out of the black hole of all this stuff. You were born for a reason.

I am a birthmom who gave up my baby in August of 1985 and I just want you to know that birthparents live with pain, too. They miss that child everyday and think of them constantly. They long to meet them and know them and explain why they had to do what they did. Honey, I wish you were that child I was looking for so it could be over for both of us. Just hang on and I know that someday you will find her and find the rest of yourself.

I sent my fee to the adoption agency for their search back in May. Once each month, I have asked for an update and once every month another reason why they haven't gotten to me yet. So and so is sick, or retired or bumped for medical reasons, or "fill in the blank." There are days I feel like pulling out my hair, and days I feel like screaming till my body explodes. (I'm 6'5" so that would be a really messy.)The biggest saving grace was finding a support group both here with these good people and a monthly group. I don't always agree with everyone, but it's good to hear another side.Look for a group in your area or start one. There are others near you who are probably feeling the same way. Where I live, I have found dozens of adoptees, birthfamilies and adoptive families going thru the same anguish in one way or another. Pour that anguish into something constructive. If you need help finding one, feel free to PM me or email me via my site.

I know how your feeling. I've found lots of info on my bio-family including the fact that my mother died in 97. I've tried contacting my older half brother who was 8 when I was born so I'm pretty sure he knew I existed before I contacted him. He's refusing contact or maybe acknowledgement of contact would be a better way to put it. I've found myself backing away from my search lately because it just hurts too much sometimes. I vasilate between being hurt, sad and angry. I vent a lot to my poor husband who thinks I'm obsessed (he's right). You know, I don't know if I will ever have contact with a birth family member so I've started taking some comfort in the fact that I had the courage to search and it won't be for my lack of trying. I've kind of started putting some of my anger and frustration into working to get our records unsealed. It gives me something to do with the pain. Cry, vent, fight but don't give up. We're survivors!

Hi newlyorphaned, I'm sorry about your mother's death, and your brother for what his reasons are holding back (fear I'm betting) the good old crippler. Your PM has brought me back to this message board, thank you so much, we have two things in common, and I'm so happy you rose above one of them, keep up the wonderful job on that. The pain so many have is heartbreaking, so heartbreaking. Bowiefreak the way you have described this, it really hit hard....your post was put here some time ago, I hope you're feeling a bit better today. I certainly can relate to what you've all said, and my heart goes out to the bio mothers also, being a mother myself, I can't imagine what it had to have felt like giving up your child. I only looked once to find my bio mother, I didn't like what I heard so I stopped, my hubby wasn't very supportive about any of it, so I let it go sorta, it lives with us on a daily basis, doesn't it? gets so consuming, but today I've let it go, something bad has recently happened to me, and now it doesn't matter, I've learned to stay in the day, the past is the past, none of us can change it, and no one is perfect, we all do the best that we can and LEARN from our mistakes, and some of our mistakes are hard lessons. I have my two children, I can look in their eyes and see a big part of me, I sorta realised that's all that's important now, my emptyness is in them, they have filled it, but being so blinded with this hole in me I neglected to see it staring me right in the face. I hope you all find some kind of closure and peace in this, hey our lives are real short....stop and look around at all the good things in your lives, and it's usually the little things that are the best... life can be so good, and we've been lucky that we have been given life, so EMBRACE it real tight. With much love......Denise

i feel your pain and i'm sorry i can't stop it. i'm 40 and have hit the last brick wall i have to hit. i have been denied by a judge to open my files, no reason just DENIED written in a ink marker. only few can feel and understand your pain but know your not the only one feeling this way. i wish you the best and hope things change enough for life to be bearable hjbeckett:

Repetition!I got denied the first time too! Then I just got real honest and blunt (what did I have to loose?) The judge released my file then Social Services blacked out the name I wanted (daddy dearest). They didn't send the form I needed to release my OBC and my request got sent back on that. It's sitting here waiting for me to take some action. The whole process seems to be some kind of game that we are forced to play. Once you figure that out then you can get mad and fight! I finally had to decide that I was going to re-submit my petition every time they denied me for the rest of my life. Make that darn file so heavy and battered they'd get sick of seeing it. Don't give up, that file is YOURS, the answers are YOURS!

i dont know who you are but i will help you if i can, please send me a message, i too was adopted and it was not good..but one wonderful thing is i found my birth family on my own..after 34yrs..please contact me.. darlene

I noticed that you haven't had any posts in a while and i wanted to make sure you are still there...As an adoptee myself, I can't make it thru this without you... We need you here...Don't fall out on us..Divided we fall.. we need to hear from you.. babygirl66@werethelost.com Don't leave us..