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Hi-
Let me start by saying I have a 5 year old daughter. Her stepfather has been with her since she was 2. We have been married for almost a year. He would like to adopt her.
We have not heard from the Bio since Dec. of 2001. He has not paid child support since Sept of 2001. He left the country in Dec 2001 and maybe has come back to the states but on the other side of the country. There has been no communication what so ever. However, he is a very spiteful person- and I don't think he will just consent!!!
The second part of this is we live in Orange County. My daughter only knows of her stepfather as her dad. She does not know or remember the bio. I have read that an investigator will track him down and first try to reunite them and then inquire as to why he has had no contact ( he is also a compulsive liar). I also read they will want to interview our daughter. Well she knows no different and I feel it is inappropriate to lay something like that on her at 5 years of age but for legal reasons we need to have the adoption.
Needless to say I am terrified of this man and want to do this the right and quickest way!! ANY ADVICE?????
P.S
She uses our last name with no legal name change-- can we get in trouble for this?
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If you feel that this man is a threat a restraining order may be necessary.
My experiance with the investigator has been not that they try to "reunite" them with thier child but determine if they will or will not consent to an adoption and the reasons as to why they have been absent and/or not supported the child.
As for him being a liar, I wouldn't worry overmuch about that. You will be interviewed as well and given the opportunity to clarify any descrepancies. The people who do these interviews do them all the time and they have lots of experiance dealing with people who lie. There are very few circumstances that they look at as excusable when they up and abandon thier child.
Also, when I had my interviews the social worker asked if my child had any knowledge of the biological parent so that she would know how to proceed. Contact the office that will be handling the investigation and ask to speak with a person that does these type of interviews. Get thier input and see if they even want you to drop this bomb on your child. They may have a better way of approaching the situation.
My children used their last name before it was legally changed via adoption. I was told as long as I put thier legal name first and put "uses _____ as last name" in parenthesis it was okay. I was told this by the school, doctor's office, etc. and they all honored the name used. Make sure you have the legal name first on important paperwork and then the a.k.a.
I hope this helps.
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