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I am parenting a gifted child and I'm finding it exhausting. My daughter is now 8 and going into 3rd grade. In Kindergarten, she was correcting papers and reading to the kids. She tested at the end of Kindergarten to be doing reading and math on a 4th grade level.
She is constantly bored. She seems to always need to be challenged or she starts picking on her sister and just doing annoying things. She seems to have difficulty entertaining herself. She doesn't really watch tv or movies. She plays on the computer and does lots of math programs, etc. Every teacher she has had tells me that there's no way to keep up with her and they let her do her own thing. They don't want to push her ahead because in 4th grade she'll go to a self-contained gifted and talented class.
She picks up on everything and constantly worries because she catches things, i.e. cell phone warnings at the gas pump.
I've learned to answer all of her questions because if I don't, she'll get the answers from somewhere else. She's proved this to me over and over again. I try to give her age-appropriate answers, but sometimes I just have to tell her that I don't think she's old enough. No way can I b.s. her.
I also have a difficult time disciplining her. What do I take away -- her math books? I've had to make some house rules -- I won't answer thinking questions before 7 a.m. She saves her technical, science questions until her father gets home, but I get the rest of them. When she was about 2, I had a hand-held counter and tried to track how many questions she asked in a day. Forget the day, she logged over 200 in a couple of hours. Sometimes my head is spinning.
My biggest issue is trying to get her to entertain herself. When she goes over her friend's house to play, she says things like, "can I play a couple of games with your mother so that I can have a challenge?" My one girlfriend is like, "Okay, I'm ready for her today," because even a couple of hours watching her can be mentally tiring.
The only advice that I've heard from her teachers and the principal is try to keep up with her. Ha. Easier said than done.
Elaine
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I'm also raising a "gifted" child. (I hesitate to say any child is more "gifted" than another strictly because he or she is more intelligent in a given area.) She's six and a couple grades ahead, and her verbal/written eloquence is astounding. My other children are also amazing, but C's the only one old enough for school.
It's good to be proud of your daughter. It's also good you recognize her arrogance is a problem. Social intelligence is extremely important; bright children need to learn it. Your daughter needs to learn that part of being intelligent means being self-sufficient and polite; being rude to friends and her sister will ultimately leave her a lonesome and unhappy young lady. I would definately cut privledges if she thinks obnoxious behavior is acceptable. She needs to be told that the way she is acting is DUMB.
Also, I would pursue learning about local gifted programs if she really can't be kept up with. Some things we do in this family to learn more:
1) Everyone in our family speaks at least two languages and C is currently working on #4 with me. We are both learning Japanese. It's great for bonding. Asian languages are especially challenging because the structures are so different from the Germanic/Romance languages we're used to.
2) We subscribe to Scientific American magazine as we are interested in quantum physics and other left-brained type stuff.
3) I've played guitar for years and C is just learning some basic acoustic on a tiny backpacker. (My baby can play open chords now! Yay!)
4) In our house we do yoga. It soothes us and makes our minds open.
5) We are big art fans in our family and we love displays and museums.
6) We also enjoy used bookstores. About once a month we allot the kids $10 to spend as they please, and $10 for ourselves.
7) As far as cheap theater goes, we also enjoy plays put on by local colleges.
8) We LOVE watching movies together. Film has a lot to offer us, and if you're looking for "smart films," try anything Orson Wells like Citizen Kane or F for Fake. F for Fake is one of our favorites.
Those are just a few suggestions to keep in mind. Hope it helps!
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I am also parenting a gifted child and find it exhausting!!! When he has a good teacher our lives are wonderful, but last year he had a horrible one who thought he was just a pain. I tried telling her that if she challenged him he wouldn't be so obnoxious. He also has a anxiety problem and the psychologist that did his testing said that he understands things he shouldn't and then worries about them. It got so bad that we had him seeing a therapist for anxiety. Also, He has a hard time making and keeping friends because he is always correcting people and he isn't interested in their activities. He would rather cuddle up with an excyclopedia than play. How do you encourage a gifted child to be more "child-like?" I would love to hear other stories of what works and doesn't work with gifted children. CBCSE
I can really relate to what you're saying that if the teacher kept them more challenged, they wouldn't be so obnoxious. The funny thing is that my daughter is only obnoxious at home. So, she'll sit bored in class all day, helping other kids and then come home and let all her frustration out here. That was two years ago. Last year the teacher was more understanding and gave her more detailed work and it really helped.
As far as friends, my daughter's friends are typically older or younger. The younger ones, she organizes the games, keeps everything going and keeps the peace between the kids. The older ones, she loves playing checkers, chess, backgammon, poker.
What I need to work on is helping her entertain herself. She can find a million things for me to do with her. I had her write a list of 50 things she can do when she's bored. That's helped a little. I am ready for school to start.
Elaine
I am hesitant to agree about school starting...I am an art teacher. This year I will have my son in class a few times a week. I am already worried about how I will challenge him. I have subbed in his regular classes before and can sypathize with his teachers. He always wants more information or will take things to the next level but no one else understands him. He'll probably correct me about facts about the artists... although he is handy to have around since he remembers facts so well. One of the best tricks we used to help him control himself in school was to reward him with a science tutor. If he did well in school (wasn't too obnoxious or disruptive) he could go to a weekly science session with a tutor we found. He responded so well and really missed it if he couldn't go. Something you might look into. Good luck! CBCSE
How about encouraging her to write a book/books? I started writing fiction when I was in third grade (no, i am not published... when I was in school I was too embarrassed to show anyone anything, and when I "grew up" I got too busy). I also used to read insatiably... at a 4th-7th grade reading level there are lots of appropriate books out there. Actually, I think there are lots of appropriate books at ALL reading levels, you just have to look at them carefully. I had a friend with a gifted daugher, and she encouraged her to write and the girl was getting her poetry PUBLISHED at age 11!
Or, forget about just going to theatre/plays - how about seeing if she could get involved with community theatre? There was always a part or two for a kid in lots of the stuff my community theatre did when growing up.
I also like the idea of getting her involved in learning a language. Even though she is already established as "gifted," the younger the better as far as learning languages (children are naturally gifted at that) -- and then you could do things like order books, etc. for her in the other language (if she is learning Spanish, of course, these will be even more accessible).
Since she like chess and thinking games, you might also check around and see if there are chess clubs/tournaments or scrabble clubs/tournaments around. I think it is good for children to have relationships with adults, especially older folks. She could "volunteer" some of her time by playing cards or chess, etc. with an "adopted" grandparent at a retirement home or a community center. I used to love playing dominoes and rummy with my great grandmother, who was sharp as a tack, and she used to tell me wonderful stories about the "olden days"...
Oh, and by the way, about what to do in-school (if none of these other activities can be "pulled out" to occupy some of her free time)... when I was in 3rd grade, I left class for two hours toward the end of the day to "work" in the school library reshelving books and stuff, and in 4th grade I was allowed to "check out" books to people at the circulation desk. Normally these jobs were onlyl given to 5th graders (the highest grade in my elementary school), but I did it for three years.
What a wonderful "problem" to have.
I would also encourage you to try to get her involved in something athletic. As a former "gifted" child myself, I can tell you I was WAY TOO wrapped up in books in my early childhood years. Athletics will help your child stay healthy AND will help her "social intelligence."
Good luck,
D.
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