I Need Advice PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!

I kind of know how you feel. I have kind of the opposite thing happen. I was adopted at about 9 days old. I lived with my mom, dad, sister and brother. I am the youngest and my brother and I were both adopted. I didn't have the threat of being taken away but I did go through a lot. My adopted father had a stroke when I was 5, came out of it different than he was before. He lived until I was 11 and then died. Both my grandfathers died that same year and my great-grandma. It was a hard time. We went on and it took me many years to go through the grieving process. That's is what you need to go through too. Adopted or not when someone dies everyone has to grieve, even if you didn't get to know them. It took a lot of crying, talking to friends, and my religion to help me get through it. I want to get to know my adoptive parents but I don't know if they are still alive or not. But I know they did what was best for me. I remember being a teenager and thinking how much I wasn't like everyone else because I didn't look like anyone. Being a teenager is very hard and all teenager have the similar kinds of questions an adoptive teenagers have - what are they going to look like, what are they going to be like, and how do I fit in and where do I fit in. I don't want to get preachy - but in my religion we believe we all have a purpose and you got where you needed to be and it is with the family you have now. I know my mom - adoptive mom will always be my mom- was nervous when I was young about my birth mother coming back or me loving her-birthmother more than her. But when I was 18 I mentioned something to here about searching and she said she would be fine with it. You are getting closer to the age that you can probably bring it up, that you just are curious about that part of your life and see what she says. Sorry this is so long. I have a deep passion for family - and family just doesn't include those you share a name or blood with. I make everyone I come in contact with part of my family by remembering a part of their personality or a special moment shared with them and then I keep it close in my heart. There is a special place in your heart for 2 families. One part of those families is gone for now, but the love is still there - and so is the grief, anger, disappointment, loss, and the confusion of why. In my religion we believe families can go on and when people die there families come and meet them. So you will see all of your families again and through others someday you can know what your father was like. I found some letters my grandfather had written my dad's sister when she was in the war and my dad was real young and it told of what they did and it was as if I was there! Someday I am going to go back where my dad grew up and see the places I've read about. The last thing I want to say is this, it's OK to grieve and it is a must to grieve even if you feel it isn't what would make your parents feel right. My husband lost his dad 6 months before his was born and it took him 39 years to finally grieve and it still going on today and he'll be 43 at the end of the month. My brother has never dealt with any of his feelings over adoption, death or any pain and now he is not very well himself. But I know that you can get through this, you just need to start talking - and it doesn't have to be to family! sometimes it's just a good friend. If you need anything else just write! Cheer up and know your are love by 4 parents not just 2. sharynn

i kind of know how you feel. i was adopted at 6 months old and i was always curious about my birth family. my parents were always reluctant to give me too much information and when i was around your age i started searching for my birth family. when my parents found out they were really angry and hurt and stopped my search. recently, my birth sister found me (i'm 25 now) and i learned all about the rest of my birth family. while i still think my parents were wrong to stop me from searching, i can kind of understand why they did. my birth family is SUPER messed up. there are a lot of issues and dysfunction. i think, in their own way they were trying to protect me from all the hurt i would encounter. especially at age 15. 10 years later, its STILL really hard for me to handle all the information i got. at the same time, maybe it would have saved me 10 years of wondering, ya know?good luck with everything. if you ever need to talk, i'm here.

The first thing I'm going to say is DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF! Being adopted can bring up so many emotions that other people just would not understand. Growing up, I was always afriad that one day my birth mom would knock on the door and want to take me away from my parents. What you have to understand is that you need to be open with your parents and tell them how you really feel and what you want to do. They probably won't understand at first, but just make sure to let them know that you love them, and that no one could ever replace them. You just have questions about things, and you want to get to know your birth mom as a person, not as a mom. There are a lot of questions you are going to have that no one else could answer except your birth mom. Just be honest with them. If you ever need to talk to someone, you can email me back. Here is my email jrh8599@hotmail.com Let me know what happens!

I met my b-mom af 15 I was adopted at birth. I delayed meating my b-dad till I was 19 and missed meeting my b-dads dad due to him passing just befor I met my b-dad. Your young. I remember it all being a lot to handel. Handeling it a a teenager can be a bit hard at times. Very hard. As you were affraid of your bio-grandpa would take you away your folks may have simular fears. Getting to know her is great. But remember to take it slow. :)

hi i am also adopted, when i was a baby. my adopted parents died when i was 21 - my farther and 28 my mother. I always knew that i was adopted, my parents did not keep it from me. so a few years after my mother died i start searching for my biological mom, after 3 years of searchinf i found her, she`s a nice but very shy person, the monent i met her, she`s gor my eyes, i knew i know this person like they say blood is thicker than water but the reality was, i did not knew her at all!! The most unbelievable thing of all, i`ve got a sister -same father-same mother and i did not even knew about it, she is 33 years old and i am 34 years old. I think that every child that is adopted wanted to know where they come from and who they are. to found your biological family is nice, but their is always this thing in your head about feeling guuilty towards your parents.... but for your own peace of mind meet everyone you can, you don`t always know what you are gonna find on the other side , but you can always walk away, this time the choice is yours. i do not have any regrets meeting everyone, at least of got some peace of mind. strongs i know what you are going through!!!!