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This is my story and I need some advice.
My husband and I have a young lady that we know that is due in a couple of months. She already has 2 kids and feels like she is not able to take care of a 3rd. Also, the father has not been supportive and denying his part up to a couple of weeks ago. The mother and father have not been communicating at all. The mother met with my husband and I and ensure us she wanted us to do this and will not be changing her mind. We asked if it would be okay to also meet with the father due to we know him well. She agreed and this meeting also happen. At first the father gave us his blessings and said that would be fine. 2 days later he called me and decided he wants the child. He indicated he was upset because no one came to him about if he wanted to raise the child. A couple of days later my husband and the father set down and talked about this is greater detail. He left that meeting saying he give us his blessings again. The same afternoon he called us on the phone and said he needed to pray about whether or not to release this child. In the meantime the mother refuses to allow the father to raise the child and is determine to give it to us.
I have several questions?
What rights do the father have if he is not listed on the birth records? She is now 7 months and for all this time he has denied this baby until she decides to give it up.
If the father agrees to giving up his rights how do we bring the baby home from the hospitial if the adoption is not final?
We have a lack of finances to do this because we were not expecting this, is there a cheaper way to do this?
What is the difference between custody and legal adoption?
I was told we could get legal custody first to bring the child home and that would enble us to do most legal things for the child? If we do this will we need to adopt right away?
If anyone has any information that could help us out, we would greatly apprceiate it.
Desperate Seeking Answers in North CArolina.
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First of all, you'll need to get a lawyer. It will cost money, but won't be as expensive as going through an agency. Secondly, make sure he's handled adoptions before -- you might go on the "Adoptive Parents from NC" group on this site to get recommendations in your area. A lawyer will know all the ins and outs of adopting in your state. It doesn't matter if the Birthfather initially denied his paternity; he knows, the mother knows, and you know. Legally, if she doesn't want to parent and he does, he could get custody fo the child, so it will be important to get his signature on a document relinquishing his parental rights. Some friends of ours were going to adopt a son, the birthfather contested (only because his mom threatened to kick him out of the house, no real interest in parenting), so the birthmother chose to parent rather than let him. They had to return the child they'd thought of as their son for a week. The fact that he has changed his mind several times already is a cause for concern. The length of time a parent has to change their mind varies from state to state; for example, in our state it's about a month (depending on when you can get a court date) but in some states, like NJ, it's only 24 hours (which I think is ridiculous). During that time, even if they've signed the papers, they can legally change their mind and get the child back. Yes, it's scary, but it's the risk you have to take. Usually you are given "custody" until the adoption is finalized, which usually takes months. During that time you can take them to the dr., etc., but you are not legally their parent until finalization. A lawyer from your state can answer these questions best. Good luck!
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