Feeling Lost

Thank you for the different views. It seems like this is on my mind every second lately. I have sent off for information and it is all a little overwhelming right now. I am considering conseling to help me come to a decision, the friends I have told think its best to terminate. I hate this feeling. I know it would be selfish to abort but I dont think I can handle giving it up when/if I do give birth.

"Well, you need to make the choice that is best for you. The decision to terminate is also a decision that you have to live with. Just be sure to weigh all things....even though this is obviously a time sensitive issue. " I have to second that. My sister made that decision and to this day, 20 years later she still cries about it and it haunts her. She has 3 boys now and often wonders if the child that never was, was a little girl. She always yearned for a girl. There are no easy answers. Both choices are very hard. Consider all your options very carefully. What may not bother you now, could bother you 20 years later. Walk softly and carefully. We get no second chances. Hugs to you during this difficult time. (((((((hug))))))))

I dont know... I went with a local agency and I loved that I went through them. The only bad thing is the counselor I had during placement is no longer there, so post placement would be with someone else, so I dont go. I probably should, but I just cant bring myself to go. I've talked with the other lady a few times when dropping off medical bills and such, but no real sitting and talking. I looked at some of the online ones after placement. That alone made me glad I went local. Its confusing. Dont be afraid to look at all your options and ask for help. I know how you felt when you first came here! It happened to me, too, but I already had a family picked, so I put that in my profile and most pm's stopped.

ive been on most of the sides of the adoption picture-ive had an abortion, ive miscarried, ive had a brother placed for adoption, a sister whom my mom adopted, and now im looking to adopt myself-im going through foster care after 3 failed private adoptions-i do think about the abortion that i had occassionally because now im in a position where i only have 1 bio and wouldve liked more but where i was in life it was better that way-my stepmother was abusive to me and stomped on my stomach-the miscarriage was due to the meds for my back that the hospital put me on - i got pregnant the same day i started the meds-my brother i miss terribly - and i love my sister as if she were bio-i just went to orientation at the dept of social services and im in the process of completing the app-its almost 40 pages long- rose these boards have been a source of comfort and info for me- read EVERYONE'S stories-people that are looking to adopt and what they have gone through-people that were adopted and thier joys and pains of being adopted- and finally those that have placed a child for adoption and their thoughts and feelings on doing such- there are a lot of great people on these boards that are looking to adopt but it is against policy for aparents to solicit bio parents(i learned that the hard way lol) - i feel that you should not only look at whether an agency is local or national but also look at the fees these agencies charge compared to the services they offer- i was turned off to agencies because of their high fees and felt that the money could be better used in the pocket of the child than in the pocket of the agency-from reading these boards ive noticed a lot of people feel the same way i do. and last but not least try to get counseling from someone who does not have a vested interest in the decision you make- an agency i feel would counsel you to adopt cause that is more money in their pocket

Reading the above post was very interesting to me - First, to clarify, the fees that an adoption agency charges are to the adopting parents - not to you. So if you're thinking you might have to pay them, don't worry about that. On the other hand, if the idea that they may be taking money that would otherwise be used to raise the potential child, that's certainly valid. It's hard for me to believe that an agency would encourage a woman to select adoption for their own financial reasons, but I guess its possible. Certainly their must be some way to get help that isn't biased by financial desire. Maybe its about finding an agency that doesn't also handle adoptions, but that will refer you to such an agency should it be your choice. (I've seen such places on the web, though I know you have to be careful that they aren't religious organizations that are biased toward adoption for their own reasons, if those aren't your beliefs). I think independent support is important. I don't think friends are necessarily the ones to ask - though their imput can be very helpful. I (like the poster above) made the choice to have an abortion many years ago. Unlike the other poster, I was not lucky enough to have a bio. child at all. I know my own personal experience is my own bias - and I understand that I am bias. I wish that when I had been younger that I had felt supported enough to have made the choice to go through with the pregnancy, and with adoption. I don't think I would have been ready to parent, and I'm glad that I didn't. But am sad that I didn't give that potential child a shot at life. And I feel sad for myself that I'll never get to know what its like to give birth. These things do follow, even 22 years later. I say this just because - my friends all thought I should abort. They cared about me in that moment, but they weren't in a position to help me deal with other aspects of the choice. It wasn't there fault. They all thought they were doing the best for me. They didn't think adoption was a real option, they thought I'd end up keeping the baby and that it would ruin my life. I didn't regret my choice until I found out I couldn't have kids - it may be this issue doesn't come up for you. I'm very pro-choice. I think now, I'm just more aware of how complicated the choice is.

i was thinking more along the lines of your local mental health association or a private psychiatrist or psychologist - i feel they would not be biased as they have nothing to gain or lose by the potential bmoms choice

God bless you infinitely Rose whatever you've decided and everyone else on this board

Coming from a hopeful adoptive mom,words cannot express how much a birth mom means to us.Everyone has to make a choice but if you keep the baby or give it up for adoption know that you gave this child life...Please just consider all your options.Of course everyone will have their views,but in the end you will have to be the one to live with whatever you decide.There are so many couples out there who would love nothing more then to open their hearts and home to your precious angel.You could even suggest an open adoption or closed adoption.Just please take the time to understand everything and you will know what is best for you and your baby.Go with your heart,not with what your friends are telling you.No choice will be easy you will need to find peace in what you decide--and hopefully everything will be okay.God Bless

Thank you all for your help/advice/support. I have made the desicion to keep the baby....some of you might have wondered. I believe this is the right desicion for me. It was made easier by all of your helpful words of wisdom and possibly prayers. Thank you again. Rose

Rose, I wish you well. What a difficult decision you must make. I think it is best to give yourself some time and to talk to women who have relinquished and adult adoptees. Though adoption has worked in our family there are many women who have relinquished who suffer the consequences of their decision for life. You have to get as best informed as you can to make the best decision you can. Find a group in your area that is not part of an adoption agency where you can share and hear others who have walked the walk you are just beginning. Peace to you.

Rose, I'm so happy to hear this! I did wonder. :) I'm glad you made the decision to live with this and not look over your shoulder, either way. Good for you! It will be the easier route, if you ask me. So, let me say congratulations on the upcoming birth of your first child. Do you like to scrap book much? Now might be a good time to start documenting your journey together. Hugs,

I'm glad you've come to a decision that brings you peace. I wish both you and your child well.

Congradulations and Best Wishes Rose with your decsion! We will look forward to hearing if its a boy or girl! What an exciting time for you! Prayes and Hugs,Joann

I reccomend you find a local alternative pregnancy center (sometimes called crisis pregnancy depending on where you live). They usually offer free counseling for women in your position to help explore their options. I would also reccomend you avoid Planned Parenthood as they will pressure HARD for an abortion. Meantime, I will pray for you as you go through this difficult decision making process.

Rose-- I just want to do the happy dance all night for you!!! I am so glad that you are deciding to keep your precious baby. Your post worried me so--unfortunately, these boards aren't exactly unbiased. I am so excited for you and your baby. Motherhood is hard, but it's a walk in the park compared to losing your baby to adoption (I know--I lost my son to adoption and now I'm a single mom to my daughter). You have a wonderful, exciting, sometimes hard, sometimes scary but ALWAYS worthwhile journey ahead of you. Many blessings to you and your baby. Once you look into those eyes, you will know love. Congrats. Let me know if you ever want to talk!!!:D