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I have a 5 1/2 year old son who was adopted from KOrea at 6 months. He is bright and talkative at home but becomes mute when around other people.
Examples
My parents don't live near us. We will go and stay a week at a time a couple times a year. He will talk to us in front of them but will not speak to them even if we leave hime there.
In pre-school it took him a month and a half to finally utter a word to his teacher. He is well liked and interacts with the other kids. He plays, laughs and has fun but never speaks. He will nod, gesture, whatever he has to do to get his point across with out having to use his voice. When I ask him why he tells me he looses his voice or that he is afaid they will make fun of him. It had become a game for th ekids to try and get him to say something!
My neighbors have known him since arrival. We eat out togther and he speaks to us but if we leave him with them he won't say a word. Again he is not withdrawn. He interacts well and plays but gestures and nods.
Now the problem is he is just starting kindergarten. I am concerned that they will think he has a learning problem because he won't speak to them. He is bright, he can write all his letters and numbers and is begining to read and do basic math at home. His teacher thinks he will be talking to her in a few days but I know it will take months! Today when I picked him up the first thing he said was that he had to go to the bathroom very badly. He told me he couldn't go in school because he would have to raise his hand and ask. I am concerned he might have an accident trying to hold it.
His Dr. thinks he is just a qiuet kid and not to worry or make a big deal about it. Her daughter barely talks at school and is a great student.
Any help out there?
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He sounds like he may just have really high anxiety. You might ask the teacher if he can use a signal to go to the bathroom to avoid an embarrassing accident.
How about practicing conversation? Maybe your neighbors can help? If he hasn't settled in to routine at school within a few months, a therapist familiar with adoption might be able to help him figure out how to deal with his anxious voice loss.
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Our daughter has the same issue. It started about 4 years ago when she was 10. Her circle of communication slow began to get smaller and smaller until it is now mainly mom and dad. We spent every school conference and every doctor visit asking "why?" no answers. Until my daughter started in a new school. Last year and her teacher sent home article on Selective Mutism. Her doctor has now put on her on anti anxiety type drug. We have seen some progress. But are hoping for more. Just thought I would post, incase this sounds like something you could mention to your pediatrician.
I think I would be more aggressive about seeking counciling if this was a sudden change but this has been the way he is from the begining. I remember when he was around two, I was picking him up from daycare and he sais two sentences to me and his daycare provider said in a surprised voice "Was that him? I've never heard him say that much." This is the daycare provder he was with from 9 months to almost 3 years old.
My other thought about counciling is if he won't talk he sure won't talk to them either!
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quote:
"I pushed my Pediatrician a little bit and she reccomended a speech therapist who referred me to a psycologist who works with selective mutism."
oh well, im a little too late.....i had selective mutism....its anxiety based.
i havnt thought about that in such a long time...i actually got a little tearyed from your post...my heart goes out to your little one...it was so painful for me, i can never forget it...
i would also ask the teacher to check on the other kids and have them STOP making your son talk.....this will cause his anxiety to worsen...
on a positive note...i turned out fine...(pending on who you ask....lol) and by the way....you cant shut me up now...lol
hang in there.....what you have is a real sensitive child...he'll be fine, just give him some time.
dadfor2
I did not speak to any adults outside of my home until I was at least ten and was just as you described your son. I don't know why I was so shy and chances are that your son does not either. I did not have trouble in school or making friends. I did not get therapy and it was a non-issue in my home as I had older brothers who were all very shy as well. Don't worry, extreme shyness in itself is not a curse. He'll probably grow out of it.
We discussed Autism with his therapist but he was communicating in other ways and didn't fit for an autism diagnosis.
Un update. My son began talking in class by April with lots of help from the school staff, a therapist coming to school and me. We were worried that it would begin again when he entered first grade. I met with his teacher before school started and let my son meet her too. He talked to students and teachers the first day of school. When I asked her last week how he was doing she told me that if I had never told her about his difficulty last year she would never have known he had an anxiety issue.
He is looking forward to Trick or Treating tonight!
MLH
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