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Today in my English class the topic of adoption was brought up and I told a little about my family...just because we were also talking about race and since my brothers are both black and my parents, sister and I are white...I decided to chime in. Well it ended up that someone asked me how it felt to be adopted and I told the truth. That there's anger and frustration and hurt and loneliness and just a lot a lot of things that I couldn't begin to explain. Well as we were leaving a girl (who I never really even talked to)made it a point to tell me that I should be TOTALLY GRATEFUL for being adopted. And since she's adopted she knows what it's like. I looked her dead in the eye and said, "yes, but every situation is different and there's no way you could begin to understand what I've gone through, or felt" Well she continued to just berate me with what I should and shouldn't be feeling and I felt like saying...well some things that I can't even type. I mean, who the heck is she to tell me what I can and can't feel?? And further more...I'm NOT grateful for this hell-whole that has become my life. I'm angry that I was given away, the reason why doesn't matter, I'm still angry. I'm hurt that I wasn't good enough for her, or that I didn't mean enough for her to keep me around. I'm sad that I'm 21 and she's never NEVER tried to contact me. I'm frustrated that no one understand how I feel and that I can't even TELL my aparents about what I feel, because frankly, they don't care. I have 3 other siblings, ALL adopted and NONE(not ONE) of them feels the way I do about all of this. None of them want to know their bfamily, they don't care. So I feel like I shoulndn't care either, but the thing is...I DO care and I am searching and I AM upset. But it's like no one cares and no one wants to hear it, because heaven forbid someone else get upset!!!
I guess what I'm wanting to know is, should I be thanking my lucky stars that I ended up here, that I'm so lost I don't know which way is up, and for this constant feeling of being totally and completely alone??? Because it seems to me that's the way everyone else thinks I should be feeling.
Ok, I just had to get some of that out....
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id be feeling everything you are feeling.with being grateful too....
see life is as it is and unfortunately,there is nothing we can do at most times to change things that arent within our control,can only change things we have control over.
you are not expected to understand everything,of course not,you have to learn to understand.takes time and patience,and can never be forced.
hugz
amander
xxxxxxx
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As adotive father I know my kids my greive for the bithparents they lost at differnt times of there lives. Its normal. Its my job is to let them know I am here and they can always talk about it. There my be times you do feel luck, but you are also intitled to feel hurt, lonely and confussed. don't let anyone try to convince you your not.
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TampaBabyGirl
I looked her dead in the eye and said, "yes, but every situation is different and there's no way you could begin to understand what I've gone through, or felt" Well she continued to just berate me with what I should and shouldn't be feeling and I felt like saying...well some things that I can't even type. I mean, who the heck is she to tell me what I can and can't feel??
I actually understand what you are going through because I actually didn't get given away, but I was taken by social services. I have had people go against how I felt about my adoption saying that I should be grateful for everything when there are times where I just wished I had been killed when I was a baby instead of adopted. It doesn't help that I had some bad situations when I was little and I developed depression in elementary school. Hell, if you want I would type my story out for you and give it to the girl to show that not all adoptions are the same.
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Kai
I've been reading some of your posts, and I'm not sure if you realize that you are responding to posts that are 2 or 3 years old....
Just thought I'd mention it....i've done it before too! lol
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TampaBabyGirl
Today in my English class the topic of adoption was brought up and I told a little about my family...just because we were also talking about race and since my brothers are both black and my parents, sister and I are white...I decided to chime in. Well it ended up that someone asked me how it felt to be adopted and I told the truth. That there's anger and frustration and hurt and loneliness and just a lot a lot of things that I couldn't begin to explain. Well as we were leaving a girl (who I never really even talked to)made it a point to tell me that I should be TOTALLY GRATEFUL for being adopted. And since she's adopted she knows what it's like. I looked her dead in the eye and said, "yes, but every situation is different and there's no way you could begin to understand what I've gone through, or felt" Well she continued to just berate me with what I should and shouldn't be feeling and I felt like saying...well some things that I can't even type. I mean, who the heck is she to tell me what I can and can't feel?? And further more...I'm NOT grateful for this hell-whole that has become my life. I'm angry that I was given away, the reason why doesn't matter, I'm still angry. I'm hurt that I wasn't good enough for her, or that I didn't mean enough for her to keep me around. I'm sad that I'm 21 and she's never NEVER tried to contact me. I'm frustrated that no one understand how I feel and that I can't even TELL my aparents about what I feel, because frankly, they don't care. I have 3 other siblings, ALL adopted and NONE(not ONE) of them feels the way I do about all of this. None of them want to know their bfamily, they don't care. So I feel like I shoulndn't care either, but the thing is...I DO care and I am searching and I AM upset. But it's like no one cares and no one wants to hear it, because heaven forbid someone else get upset!!!
I guess what I'm wanting to know is, should I be thanking my lucky stars that I ended up here, that I'm so lost I don't know which way is up, and for this constant feeling of being totally and completely alone??? Because it seems to me that's the way everyone else thinks I should be feeling.
Ok, I just had to get some of that out....
Basically, no child should have to be grateful for being part of a family, bio or adopted.
I could understand where some older child adoption might make the child feel grateful.. or children out of an orphange..
But as you said, every adoption is different, feelings are different for each child in a family.
You have a right to your feelings. They are your feelings after all.
Hugs
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I always find it really disheartening when adoptees are told they should be grateful. For what? For a situation that you havve no control over? For being seperated from your first family? For being placed with adoptive parents who wanted to be parents? For not having access to your own original birth records??
TampaBabyGirl
I'm sad that I'm 21 and she's never NEVER tried to contact me.
Please do not jump to the conclusion it is because she does not want to know you. So many birthparents were told to stay out of their children lives, that that is what is best for their children. They are told to wait until your child comes to you. You may very well find a birthmom that is ecstatic that you searched for her.
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