blood is not always thicker than water

I have to agree.... blood is not always thicker than water. I have the same type of relationship presently with my birth family. Really they are like strangers to me at this point. Meeting with them has brought me even closer to my adoptive ma. Yes they look like me and they have the same mannerisms and my sister is the spitting image of me but I am far closer to others than I am to them too. I can tell it's the same for them too. When we get into arguments they are quick to dismiss me as if they don't need this crap and then I don't hear from them for ages. My adoptive siblings and I argue but we always come back to each other.Strange how even though they have the same blood running through their veins they are so distant.Love comes from the heart. My adoptive ma has loads of love straight from her heart for me. I could never be closer to anyone more than I am to her.

I agree with your experience. I never met my birth parents and to be honest I don't think I want to at this point because it could never be a relationship like I have with my family. Sure we may argue a lot and have our issues but that happens in a family. I don't think I need to build a relationship with some one because of our blood ties. Many people are distant with their relatives, we don't have to like everyone we are related to. I have been very lucky because I have always felt great about my adoption. The only thing I worry about is when I have kids of mine own (if they are biological to me) they may want to know about my biological background.jen

I agree with the three previousl posters. I too have met my biofamily and there has not been any connection at all. I phone biofather every so often and that's about it. There is a physical resmblance to biofather and that was interesting, but otherwise, they are biological strangers. bemyhunnybee ~ I think it's easy to dismiss each other when there is a difference of opinion as there is no real bond which results from shared history and experiences. I've actually felt the same way in regards to biohalfsiblings ~ "I don't need this crap". As my parents are both deceased and my only "family" are cousins that are geographically distant, one would think that meeting biofamily would have had more meaning. It didn't. I continue to have many friends that I relate better to. Once again, the shared history and experiences creates a bond. There is also a commonality in beliefs, work ethics and activities. It's hard to form a relationship when there is absolutely nothing in common except biology.

Thank you, thank you , thank you for sharing this :D ! As an amom these are the things I need to hear to raise our kids with confidence. I read the other also, and it can really get to me. I also am realistic and supportive of a relationship IF they want one later. I tried desperately to have an open adoption and have come to see that it was me, and not their birthparents that desired that. I will continue to send pics and letters, but maybe waiting to have face to face meetings until they are old enough to decide is the right thing in our (NOT ALL) circumstance. It is SOOO comforting to me to hear from adoptees that should the open adoption never occur they still have a chance of growing up feeling loved, wanted, and attached to us, even though we don't "share blood". Again, thank you!!!

This pretty much sums it up for me. IMO, life experiences have more value than DNA. There are family members of mine that absolutely hate their biological relatives. At present I am being pushed into a relationship that I am not neccessarily in need of, nor have I prepared for. But because we share DNA I feel obligated to make myself available. And I was the one who initiated contact, so I relaize I have some resposiblity to let him get to know me and my children. So is blood thicker that water? I think the jury is still out on this one. ;)

A thread you may also find comforting is: "Insight for Aparents from an Adoptee" [url]http://forums.adoption.com/showthread.php?t=95993&highlight=Insight+Aparents[/url] One positive adoption story led to many other positive adoption stories. One amother told me she often goes back to read this thread whenever she gets overwhelmed by the negativity. There are many that grew up feeling loved, wanted and very attached to ~ and a completely normal part of ~ our families. The fact that I joined my family by adoption was never denied, but it was not constantly focused on in a way that led me to define myself as I am adopted. I've always believed and stated, whenever the topic was relevant, that I was adopted. :)