my kids want a daddy im happy alone

...........I loved him more then you will know until the day you love your own wife and the children you have with her. ..........He was and still is the only man in my heart. I am not sure how long it will be before I am ready to love another man....but right now mommy only has room to love him and to love the two of you......... I would check around and see if there is anyway to find a mentor or big brother for the boys.... The older one is old enough to be starting Tiger Scouts (Boy Scouts) and there are many fine and decent men in the program. They are young and children grieve in a different way then we do. Much of what you are seeing is most likely part of thier grief cycle.... You might be able to find some great books of children and greif--I have read several but cannot remember titles very well. Thier process is so different that it is sometimes hard to understand where they are coming from.... They tend to 'get stuck' in stages and often have fantastic imaginations for replacement...If only they had a dad the world would be perfect... Maybe a FEw visists with a good therapists could help more then you might imagine.... Usually children do not need months and months of therapy to heal or move past points in their lives.... The funny thing is that by the time you even entertain the notion of dating another man---it will likely tick them off and make the boys mad... Oh well.... I am very sorry for your loss it is so hard and you are a wise mother not to rush out and step father your boys....

I was eight, my sister 11 when our father died. My mother never remarried. I know she dated one or two guys. One was arrested 2 weeks later (they only went on one date) for bank robbery. Sheesh! Anyway, if it helps I can remember being 9 years old and deciding that I could not possibly be the only little girl who ever lost her daddy and that kept me from feeling sorry for myself. I did find other "dads" through my friends that helped me through some stuff. No man can replace their father. It will be extremely difficult for another man to come in and declare that he's their new father and they have to obey him. He hasn't earned the right. I know no man could have tamed my sister (who worshipped my father and still worships his memory) and she would never have tolerated anyone trying to take my father's place. My mother dealt with the "phantom perfect father" syndrome for the rest of my sister's upbringing. Ex: Dad would have let me do that. Answer: No, Dad would have kicked your ****. My mother was not exactly a Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. If a good man comes along and the kids take to him and it's ok with them that he take that role, go for it. But if even one dissents, better to wait until the kids are grown before you marry him. You'll save yourself lots of headaches if you do. JMO, but one that speaks from experience. I'm glad my mother never remarried (selfishly speaking) for all those reasons. Truthfully, she never wanted to remarry. She didn't particularly like being married. She passed away last year.

My two nephews at ages 4 and 7 lost their father and mother in separate incidents about a year apart. I used to take them every week to play rugby (like US football lfor those who don't know) and people always assumed that I was their father and talk to me and them as though I was. Their riposte was, "He's not my Dad!" Kind of breaks your heart. My sister-in-law that looked after them coped with it and basically they had no real male influence in their lives - except me on Sundays from October to May. My point is that it will help if you can take them to organised events - such as sports or scouts where they can be with other boys and adult men. To me the advantage of a sport in which they can participate is they get out with kids their own age, have exercise and a feeliing of satisfaction from playing the sport. I found that once you appraised coaches etc of the situation and that they should not say things like - your mother will be mad at you when she sees your muddy clothes but whoever does your laundry will be mad at you -it was easier for them. I took them to rugby as their father was a keen college player and it helped give a "link" to him and I could tell them how proud their dad would have been when they did well. In passing I never once heard any of the kids be mean to them about their dead parents - maybe it taught them something about loss too...