BMom Question: Which is more enticing???

Here's what I did... I went to an agency. I told them some basic requirements. I wanted a family with no previous children. I prefered a family who only wanted one, but I realize that most people who only want one child are also happy without any. (That's probably where I'd have fit if I couldnt have children-happy without any) I had no preference on religion. I also wanted a family who would be willing to allow my daughter to know them. Not neccesarily so much me, but I didnt think it was fair to take my daughters relationship away from her completely even if I chose it for myself. So the agency gave me about 10 profiles to look through. I brought a few home. It was easy to decide. There was really only one profile that focused on the people and not the "things" they had. There were a couple very very well done profiles, that obviously took many many hours to put together, but still seemed to be a showcase of what they had. I would have hated to sift through tons of profiles. Start reading then find out they want closed adoption. Start reading and find out they have a child already. Start reading and find out they want a large family. (I didnt want her to be in a family of more than 2 kids, with her being the oldest- unless of course they were to adopt twins next time around) Or start reading and find out they live in another state. With the profiles I was given I knew these basic things were already met, so I could just go ahead and fall in love with whichever one of those profiles. So even though an agency matched on similarities of wants, there were still profiles to look through. There are more ap's than bp's, so I think most agency's would give a bmom a couple profiles to match her criteria.

Every p-birthmother is different. Some still want nothing to do with the matching process. This was the case with Maya's birthmother. Maya is the asister of Marie, my bdaughter. (Following me? ....In other words, I have a bdaughter, Marie, who I placed for adoption. Marie's adoptive parents, D and Y, also adopted another little girl, Maya. Maya's birthmother did not choose them, she just asked the agency to find a home for Maya.) However.... I personally wanted to choose a family for Marie. My process was similar to Michelle's. I went to the agency and told them what I wanted in a family. The agency also took down some info about me and my pregnancy. Then they looked at my requirements, plus the requirements of the p-aparents they were working with , and gave me profiles to look through if our requirements fit. Then I looked through those profiles. HOWEVER, I never planned on picking a couple based on only their profile. For me, the profile phase was just "round one" of the screening process. After I found a profile I liked, I'd set up a phone call with them to talk. So no, I would not have allowed the agency to just make the match for me. But no, I also did not just rely on a "compilation of pictures and words." I don't know if there are any statistics out there yet, but I believe that most p-bmoms these days want to pick the parent/s themselves, and do not just rely on the agency to do it. But, as in Maya's bmother's case, there are still a few who don't want to choose. Guess it just comes down to, again, every p-bmom is different.

Well for me I was pretty certain by just looking at the profile. If when I had met them, I felt really akward, or something, I would have asked to meet more couples. Just meeting them for the first time... It all just seemed to "fit". They are great! I didnt have to continue to search. If they weren't right, I would have probably would have gone online to find an acouple. I really didnt much care for any of the other profiles. Even just looking at them... they didnt seem ''right". I think everything happens for a reason. I was lead to that particular agency to find specifically them.

I hear what you're saying, Michelle, and didn't mean to imply that p-bmothers who choose just on the profile are irresponsible or something. For some, that is enough. For me, I get my "gut" feelings better in a conversation and in person. I also originally said I wouldn't choose until I met a couple (not just over the phone). But after the phone call, I knew they were the right ones. I still met them... and brought a "Congratulations on becoming parents" card for them... but then kept the card in my pocket for a few hours, thinking, like you, that if there was a red flag or something didn't click, I could just change my mind and not give them the card. :) Just wanted to clarify that. I don't think p-bmoms who pick solely based on profiles are wrong in any way.... it just wasn't how I personally was able to operate. ;)