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We have a 16 month old foster daughter whom we've had since birth. We love her dearly and TPR is being filed within the next several weeks. :)
There was a brief time in our case when biomom kind of got it together and DFS let our fd have overnight visits once a week. This went on for approximately two months then things took a turn in the opposite direction. During this time of unsupervised visits, we began to see some very alarming behavior. The baby has always been very demanding of my time, extremely cilngy and anxious. But during this time of overnight visits we began to see her do self-injurious behaviors when she would get frustrated. She bangs her head on the floor, or whatever happens to be near, slaps herself on the side of her head, bites herself, pulls her hair, and screams. We have seen these behaviors increase. They happen mostly if she is told "no" or gets upset about something. We took her to a Fetal Alcohol Clinic where she was diagnosed with Neurobehavioral Disorder and Alcohol Exposed, but they are now recommending she be seen at their Autism Clinic for further evaluation. Other than these behaviors, she is a happy and social child. She loves making others laugh and is very much into social play as opposed to playing with actual toys. These doctors may feel she has mild autism based on her self injurious behaviors.
Unsupervised visits stopped first part of July. After that biofamily saw her one hour a week until the middle of October when biomom stopped coming for visits altogether.
Does anyone have any words of wisdom on this subject? Since we are in the TPR phase, we have seen a slight decrease since she has not been seeing biomom at DFS for visits in the last few months.
We feel that the visits were a source of stress for the baby and some of these behaviors were occurring because she did not feel safe :( . Of course, there's no telling what happened during the over night visits and what is stored in her limbic system!
Thanks.
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Hi,
I realize your post is over a month old but I still wanted to reply.
Our dd was 13 months when placed with us and has not seen her mom since the day she was removed 2 years ago. She came to us with the same types of behaviors you are describing. She is in no way autistic! It is believed she has RAD due to neglect. She was also exposed to alcohol is the womb. She would bang her head, lash out at us, her brother, etc., she would punch herself everywhere and anywhere to the point of leaving bruises. We've actually had to have her sw come over to photograph her to protect ourselves. She is also hyperactive and very intelligent.
The only advice I can give you is to be aware of your facial expressions when you talk to her and look her into her eyes and have her look into yours. Get down on the floor and play with her and allow her to lead the play, you do what she says.
Our dd is finally being seen by a psychiatrist at the end of Feb. to get his opinion.
Best of luck to you. I know it's upsetting to see this behavior in our kids.
Michelle
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Thank you for responding. I do not feel that our little girl is autistic at all. But I know there is definitely something amiss. She is receiving speech therapy, occupational therapy, and developmental therapy. We have changed daycares to a facility where the teachers are more qualified to handle children such as this. It is a more therapeutic setting. Since our little girl has not seen her biological mother for 3 1/2 months, her behavior has decreased significantly. Life is more "normal" for her and she is settling in. She is still very, very active, but we've gone from 10+ fits a day down to maybe 3-4 a day. I still have to watch her very closely and we're working very hard to help her. Her case is in the TPR phase and we're hoping to adopt her soon. I have to believe that with more and more stability, she'll get better. I do know about RAD. My youngest son had it. I really don't see these traits in our daughter. She has been with us since she was 2 days old, but of course, there is the drug / alcohol abuse before she was born. And during the time she was having overnight visits with her mother, we don't know what was going on there, but it was very traumatic for her. Thanks for sharing with me. It's nice to know there are others out there who deal with some of the same issues.
Oh my I that this only went on in our home our fd we had since she was 2 days old she was also drug exposed. When she gets upset or don't get her way she pulls her hair scratchs herself she has so many scratches on her legs stomach it's a shame i hate to change her pamper because the first touch of skin she just digs and dig and screams to the top of her lungs she even throws herself back and gets real stiff bangs her feet on the bed. Our dr. told us she's very demanding but i think it's more to it. There is a history of mental illness in both parents and bdad he mutilates himself. This is a child who wake in the middle of the night (every night) screaming to the to of her lungs for no reason when she should be sleeping thru the night. It so bad it wakes up my next door neigbor's child who gets up at 6am for school. I don't know if this is some kind of withdraw she's going thru.
I just need a little insight on what to do or maybe I'm looking more it to it then i should.
thanks
About 2 weeks ago my 2 yr old foster son was having an assesment done. while the process my 10 mnth fs started to have a tantrum, couse he wanted a toy the 2 yr old had. He started to bang his head really hard on my chest, i mean hard couse i had to move him away from me couse it hurt. The therapist asked me if he was drug exposed and I said yes. I told her that at 3 months he had an assesment done and he came out fine, but lately when he gets very frustrated easily. when thing dont go his way he will scratch himself or me bang his head on he floor or on my chest and now he started to bite me or my other fs. She told me that most children that are drug exposed have problems soothing themselves. They cant control their temper and when they get frustrated they get angry quickly and have a hard time calming down. She said one starts seeing signs of this from 9 mths to 2 yrs. So I talked to the case worker and they plan to have someone work with him and teach me how to deal with it. She really didnt get to much detail with me couse they were working with my two yr old. I know this does not help, but I though it was interesting.
Hey shy thanks for that anyway my fd will be 10 months in a few days and her behavior peaked when she turned 9 months and we are really fearfull of her throwing her self back she my do it at the wrong time maybe on the the ground or on a unprotected surface i have also had her bang her head into my chest as well and yes it does hurt. I have a friend how has a foster sister who's about 2 and she falls out when she doesn't get her way anywhere and she has done this outside on the concrete where she has knocked herself out. I hope this does not happen to any of us.
Thanks and good luck
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I am curious to know if the children spoken about on this thread who are foster children, are having visits with their biological family.
Since our foster daughter stopped seeing her bio parents almost four months ago, her behavior has been much better and she is banging her head less. The tantrums aren't completely gone and she still gets easily frustrated and she still bangs her head once in a while, but I have found that she does these things when she doesn't get her way or there is change happening. When she was visiting bio family, her behavior was escalating very quickly. She was not bonded with them and the visits upset her terribly bad.
She now has some consistency in her life and we try to keep things as calm as possible.
Another thing I recommend is an Occupational Therapy Assessment. These are amazing and you can begin to learn ways to help your child deal with being drug exposed and the affects of it.
Also, First Steps is a great place to start for help as well.
We had our Fd since she was 2 day old she's now almost 10 months and she has only had 2 visits with mom at 2 week and maybe 3 month and 1 visit with day at 2 weeks also, so she know nothing of them the strangest thing the little things started to happen when we brought her home.
Yes she was drug exposed and we were told to look out for signs of withdraw, she had not of the common signs. We started to notice her digging herself pulling her hair, and standing on her legs before she could really control her head. And the crying started out as little to none we started to notice that she would pant before the cry would start this was a cry that would hurt the soul if you heard it. She would scratch the life out herself blood and all. Now she does have a mild skin allergy but the place she would scratch there was no sign of anything. The worst thing for me as when my mom came to visit and saw our Fd stomach she freaked. Whenever my Fd feels her stomach she just digs and dig she has little thin scratches all over so whenever we change her we have to fight with her to keep from pulling up her shirt.
Sometime in Oct. we moved our fd from our room into her own room and that's when the hell stated 2am 4am and 6am crying at the top of her lungs for no reason no feeding or anything just tears after almost a month of this getting up i need to try something I would but her in the crib when i thought she was sleep but as soon as she open her eyes her comes the tears, then i tried the Ferber method it works sometime after almost 30min of crying I would not have any problem with it it just wakes the child up who lives next door that has to get up at 6am for school.
I have told these thing to Dr. he just say she's being demanding he has not seen her since Dec. and a whole lot has changed i think it's time for an eval. of her. I'am just fearful she my injure herself when she throws her head back.
Thanks again we do need the help
My daughter is FAE. She was not quite three when she came to our family as a fc. At that time she also demonstrated self injurious behaviors. She would bang her head on concrete if we happened to be outside, pinch and bite herself as well as slapping and spitting.
I always felt she might have experienced this in the past when living at home with bmom. But, I don't know. The behavior did stop completely after some time. I can't remember how long it took. She always seemed to have poor impulse control as a child and even as a young adult. My daughter is in her 20's now.
I never thought she would be doing as well as she is.
In my opinion I believe it is important for you to get proper diagnosis while your child is young so they can get all the supports they need in school and from social services if necessary. Because of my daughter's disabilities she has been able to get SSDI to help support herself as holding a job for any length of time is nearly impossible so far. Preparing yourself and your child for any possibilities in the future will help cope with the damage done to them prenatally. T